Monday, October 31, 2011

MOFO Day #31: SEASON FINALE Give Your Heart To Eric

First of all, I LOVED reading everyone's epic kitchen fail stories. It was a tough call to make, and I chose Beth and her bombed beer bread brick. Beth, send your information to There's nothing worse than trying to win a crush over with food, gross them out, and have them laugh at you. It's much like a vampire ripping your heart out and slurping on it like a juice box.

Which brings me to the MOFO 2011 Season Finale of True Grub. If I were a vampire, I would never bite anyone's neck, I'd only do 'em in this way. The whole thing was so awesome I watched it over and over a few times. I was on a crusade for the rest of the month to think of how I could recreate a vegan heart and give it to myself for Halloween.
An apple a day! Get a big one. REALLY BIG!

Core out the middle and scoop out the seeds. I imagine a melon baller would be great, but all I had was a knife and spoon.

Hmmmm--will this work? This was starting to look like a fail. I have a degree in art. Surely I should be able to make a human heart out of an apple. Think, Jen--THINK!
Think outside the apple: I made a mixture of vegan graham cracker crumbs, food coloring, peanut butter, POM juice and a banana. The results were so badass, Alan Ball called me and asked me to quit my job at the garden center and work as a writer/special effects assistant.
Coming together nicely, ain't it? I soaked some dried cherries in warm water and rolled them like a snake to get my dark red veins.
Crude, yes. Think about it--have you ever seen a heart look all nice and neat when pulled out of someone's chest? I didn't think so. I filled the apple with the remaining POM juice.

It was so tasty! Substantial snack and drink all at once. Happy Halloween, y'all and thanks for reading this month. Looks like we raised $20 for the animal shelter and food bank. Will I ever give up on my million hit goal during MOFO? Never. It's good to aim high. It forces one to reach out to others and ask for help because no one can do huge things alone unless you're a vampire, and True Blood has shown that doesn't always work for the undead.

I hope you enjoyed yourselves, squirmed some, had a few laughs, and realized that being vegan is a ton of fun.


Erin said...

That is seriously gross! You outdid yourself on this one.

Erin said...

And obviously, I mean that comment in a GOOD way :)

Sal said...

ha, that is awesome. that was one of my favourite moments in the last season of TB. Nice!

VeganLinda said...

Ugh! Oh no, can't even think about this one. Too much for me. Not a bad replica of a heart though. My son has a congenital heart defect so I've seen some pretty awesome drawings of hearts. I think the ped cardiologists would be impressed by your attempt.

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