Vegan MOFO Day #1: Daryl's Iced Camp Coffee

 

In 2012 the zombie apocalypse does in fact happen. The Mayans were right! After numerous warnings to the public about the consumption of fast food and all things meat, a virus that only lives in the cellular structure of animal flesh and their byproducts infects the masses with an epic disease that drives everyone insane with brain munching rage. Pray tell, are there any survivors? 

Fear not, there are some who have dodged the bullet: a group of ballsy vegans who meet together outside of Atlanta and form a crazy assed army.  Guess what? They took me in and now I  have a new family. This month, we will provide you with some of our favorite recipes that will leave you satisfied, and ready to kick the ass of many a walker. I realize killing anything goes against the ethic of the gentle herbivore, but there comes a time where one must decide to eat or be eaten. What do you want to do? I  don't know about you, but I just hate rotting flesh and smelling like Limburger. Everything changes when the undead are shuffling amok. So gimme a gun already.

So, we're all getting tired of killing zombies and feeling a little on the dead side. I woke up this morning and Daryl told me he ain't doin' shit until he's had his coffee. Fuck those walkers. Sigh. I love it when he talks like that. One day, I'll marry him and we'll have the most adorable Jewish-vegan-atheist-white supremacists ever. He raids a Stuckey's along the highway and comes up with this delightful concoction: the iced camp coffee. Now technically, this isn't coffee made at camp, it's just the leftover crap from the night before, or god knows for how long. Anyone who knows anything understands the java brew of gas stations tastes a lot like something that has been boiled in a dirty pan back at camp 'Pocky.

You'll need:

Day old coffee

1/2 c. non dairy milk

1/8 c. chocolate syrup

Combine ingredients in a mason jar, and shake furiously. Store in between some rocks in a cold stream, or use a refrigerator if you have access to one.

 After drink has sufficiently chilled, get yourself some. With a magician's flourish, you will look like this. Me-yow.

Cocoa Season Begins

Instead of Hunting Season or obsessing over the "perfect" turkey, wouldn't be awesome if we had Cocoa Season instead? Imagine the possibilities: Special camos for nature walks and fancy thermoses that hold all kinds of sugary, chocolatey, blissey, and frothy delights? Wouldn't a vegan IHOP be adorable with two grown men discussing the batch of white chocolate and fig hot cocoa over a stack of flapjacks? Wouldn't it be wonderful to see people in pick up trucks with kegs of cocoa instead of an animal? I thought so. One day, people. One day.


I officially declare November 11, 2011 to be the very first Hot Cocoa Season Ever. That's right. Put the guns down, grab a mug, and see what you can make. Tell me about your favorite hot cocoa moments! Don't have one? Well, make one up. You know that one about your boy/girl friend from Canada that we've never met? Who would you love to sit down with and discuss your favorite movie/band/stuffed animal with over a big cup of cocoa?


For my non-vegan readers asking, "How do I make cocoa vegan?" Take a looksie:

Milk Options:

• oat milk
• hemp milk
• almond milk
• soy milk
• coconut milk
• cashew cream or milk
• tahini milk
• peanut milk
• pistachio milk
• the list goes on and on!

You can basically make any non dairy milk by soaking 1 c. nuts to 2 c. water overnight. Put it in a blender and strain. Use the pulp for baked goods, hummus, or sauces. Store milk in fridge and shake before using because it will settle.

For oat milk, I take 1 c. oats to 3 c. water, blend, strain, and use in cocoa or baked goods. This saves $$ on buying soy milk at $3-$5 a pop.

Coconut milk is very mainstream, quite possibly the new black. You can find it everywhere. If you really want to indulge and get the creamiest out there, go to an ethnic grocer and buy the fatty mc fat version of it in a can. Seriously. Don't be freaked out by the fat at the top of the can, it's good for you. Just give the can a good shake.


The cocoa part:
I generally like to add 1 T of quality cocoa for every 6-8 oz of milk. Now that might be too strong for some and too weak for others, but there you have it.

Alternatives are as follows:

• 1/4-1/3 c. chocolate chips in warming milk. Whisk continuously until mixed
• " with vegan chocolate of butterscotch chips. Where do you purchase them? Here and here. If you're one of those lucky ducks on the east coast, Price Chopper Brand butterscotch chips are vegan-(or so I've been told.)

Flavor variations to add to your cocoa:

Using chocolate:

• peppermint
• spearmint
• cinnamon & cayenne
• cardamon & ginger
• pumpkin
• orange
• vanilla

Using butterscotch:
vanilla

• cinnamon
• cardamon
• ginger
• maple
• molasses
• nutmeg

Using white chocolate:

• cranberry
• persimmons
• kiwi
• lemons
• limes
• raspberry
• blueberry

To make flavored syrups, you can buy the commercial syrups-(I can't guarantee veganness), or you can be all punk rock like me and wear a lab coat over your pajamas while mashing the fruit or fruit juice and mixing it with agave nectar or some sugar and water to make a simple syrup.


Mix your chocolate/butterscotch/white chocolate, milk, and syrup or sugar-( I usually throw 3T per every 8 oz.) over med heat until everything is nice and mixed. Don't set the heat on high or you'll burn your milk. Do you hear me? Trust me on that one.


What are you waiting for? Get moving. There's a 10 oz. mug of maple pecan butterscotch lurking in your pantry or grocery aisle.

MOFO Day #26 True Grub: Jessica's Virgin Strawberry Daiquiri

You don't have to be like King of the Bill and make a waywardly yet hot read headed virgin vampire out of punishment by The Authority. Nope. You can make a virgin drink instead.
Seriously, folks. This ain't complicated. This is a glass of cool, refreshing, and sweet strawberry bliss. Just like Vampire Jessica.


You'll need:
1 can of cold ginger ale
1 heaping cup of frozen strawberries
a blender


Can you guess what you need to do? That's right, put the strawberries in the blender, add the ginger ale and make it slushy. Goes well with Covenly Tacos, which I'll talk about tomorrow.

MOFO Day #10 True Grub: Make Your Own True Blood

This should have been the first entry, really. I'm not always thinking, so please forgive me.
You don't have to be a vampire or a drunk to enjoy this fruity and energizing concoction. If you are the kind that loves to drinky-drink, you could probably add a jigger or two of vodka or a fruity schnapps, but I don't think that's really needed. If you have a spooky glass, that's fine. I hear Pam and Nan have real fancy glasses they like to break out for their vegan friends. Plainer folk just serve it in a mason jar or Yahtzee tumbler.


Make Your Own True Blood

• 1/4 c. beet juice -(you can use the stuff from the can if you're in a pinch)
• 1/4 c. cherry flavored POM juice, or any pomegranate based juice
• 1/2 c. blood orange juice
• 1/2 c. blueberry iced tea -(any fruity iced tea will work)
• 1/2 c. club soda, tonic, or seltzer water

Pam's Cosmo
Add 1-2 jiggers of high end vodka.


Nan's Fuzzy Thigh
Add 1 jigger of peach schnapps
Replace tea and club soda with 1c. strawberry Boone's Farm