OYMST Day #2: Sometimes You Feel Butternut, Sometimes You Don't

Butternut Coconut Rice from Appetite for Reduction paired with some steamed broccoli and West Soy Brand Asian Teriyaki Tofu made for a really nice lunch today. Question: why call it "Asian Teriyaki?" Perhaps Westoy's Product Development also subs as the Department of Redundancy Department. I used the pink rice I received in my swag bag from Vida Vegan Con. I honestly never knew rice could be so beautiful!

I'm finding making veggies that are sweet when roasted helps with the ol' sweet tooth. I was more upset with the tofu than anything else. C'mon tofu factory, if you're gonna make something that is labeled Teriyaki, please for the love of all things soy, make it taste like that. All Westsoy seems to taste the same to me. I shouldn't sound so ungrateful, it is just one of the many things that I get from my local food bank. In fact, The tofu, broccoli, and butternut squash came from The Hub.

Thanks for all of the encouraging comments! I'm seriously thinking about that pumpkin dip. Onward and upward Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth!

MOFO Day#6 True Grub: Tara's Dirty Rice

I have yet to find a character on the show that I absolutely hate. Most people dislike Vampire Bill, but I find every character to have their own endearing qualities. Tara is one complex onion. In addition to being a sassy gal, she makes a mean dirty rice.

So mean, she will not share the precise recipe because it is just a little different every time. What sets hers apart from most dirty rice dishes is she throws 1/4 to 1/3 cup of roux in her rice in addition to her wheat meat, holy trinity of veggies, and seasonings. She always makes sure the seitan has been run through the food processor to mimic the gizzards-(ew!) in traditional dirty rice.
She has also been testing sandwiches for Tami and Celine's sandwich cookbook as well and paired the rice with the Cajun Lettuce Wraps from the upcoming cookbook. When testing the recipe she said, "I don't know what the f*&^ Ramen noodles are doing in this recipe, but I'll try it." That's Tara for you.

MOFO Day #5 True Grub: Arlene's attempt at Etouffee

This show is chock full of illusions and secrets, I tells ya. But if you're a fan of the show, you already know that. Let's take Arlene Fowler for example, that hair--even a blind person could tell you that it is a dye job. As a fellow dyer, I love her for her crazy red hair. She's really from Michigan, and her Lee Press-On accent is just as real as Renee's. She also loves to do devious things like trick her omni friends with vegan cuisine.

Since she's a Northern gal like me, she doesn't have the method down just yet. She'll get better with time, just you see--and so will I!

Although Renee was totally fooled with this etouffee, the sampling by real Louisiana folk was not. I was told that I did not cook the roux long enough, and in hindsight I agree wholeheartedly. Another person said the soy curls made it taste weird, but I imagine soy curls are weird to an omni just like it seems odd to eat meat for a vegan. Who knows, but I noted it.

Arlene's attempt at Etouffee-(veganized version of recipe by Emeril Lagasse)

3 generous hand fulls of soy curls re-hydrated with 1/4 cayenne pepper

• 2T Veg oil
• 8T Earth Balance
• 3/4 c. brown rice flour
• 1 c. onion
  
• 1/2 c. celery
• 1/2 c. bell pepper
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 quart veggie stock
• 2 t brown sugar
• 1/4 c. hot sauce
• 1T vegan worc. sauce
• 1/4 c. chopped parsley

Reconstitute your curls, sear with the 2T oil, remove from pan, and set aside. Add EB to pan, melting, then adding flour to make your roux. Monitor and stir constantly until chocolate brown. Btw, I did this, but for some reason my taste tester said I could have cooked it longer and that it should have had tomatoes.


After roux has cooked, add the veggies, cooking 2-3 minutes. Add garlic, cook a couple of minutes. Add the stock, curls, brown sugar, hot sauce, and worc. Add bay leaves last and simmer for 30 minutes on low. This gives you plenty of time to retouch your roots and paint your nails. Serve over rice with additional hot sauce if desired.

Mofo Day #1 True Grub: Renee's Dark Side Jambalaya

Welcome to True Grub! That's right, I wanna chew good things with you.

When you came in, the eggs went out
And every taste bud filled up with doubt
I don't know who you think you are But before this meal is through
I wanna chew good things with you
I'm the kind to eat up lots of meat Gut sick and heart filled with defeat
I can't pronounce what you've cooked for me
But I know this much is true
I wanna chew good things with you

This year's theme was inspired by one of my favorite television shows, a cuisine I am completely unfamiliar with, and a little muse from Isa. I originally wanted it to be a collaborative effort with her because I'm nerdy like that, but I kept coming up with mostly my own recipes and figured I could do this alone. So exciting!

We'll spend the month looking at traditional Looziana Cookin', some gory things made vegan, and some dishes made with other people's recipes. I will only be posting my own recipes. If you want to get the recipes of other dishes, I encourage you to support these vegan chef badasses and buy their books.

For the first meal, I bring you...

Renee's Dark Side Jambalaya

I'm about as Yank as a Yankee can be, but that won't stop me from trying to cook traditional LA food. This version of jambalaya is Cajun because it lacks tomatoes. I read somewhere that the further one is from New Orleans, the less tomatoes there are in the food. I have no idea if that is true or not, but I scoped out several recipes on line and all Cajun ones lacked tomatoes.

If you're a fan of the show, you'll know in season one that Renee isn't really Cajun, he's just masquerading as one. This is some real food, but I cheated a little by cooking the rice in stock in advance and adding it to the dish at the end. All the books I have read instructs the individual to brown the meat, holy trinity of onions, bell pepper, and celery, and then put it in a pot with the rice and stock allowing everything to cook. Well, I don't have time for that. You might want to adjust the spices based on how much you can take, but I left it as-is so my daughter could eat it. I just topped it with some additional hot sauce.

You'll need:

• A rice cooker
• 3 big handfulls of dry soy curls
• 1 t. powdered nori or some sort of seaweed for fishy flavor-(optional)
  
• 8 oz. white beans (cooked)
• 1 can of black beans (rinsed and drained)
• 1 big clove of garlic
• The Holy Trinity: 50% onion, 25% celery, and 25% bell pepper. I used 1 c. of onion, and 1/2 c. of the celery and pepper
• 1.5 c rice of your choice, dry
• 1 veggie bouillon cube
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 t. vegan Worcestershire sauce
• 1T favorite hot sauce
• 1/4-1/2 t. cayenne pepper
• 1 t onion powder
• olive oil for sauteing

First things first: soak those curls in some hot water with the nori and set aside.
Get your rice cooker started with 1.5 c. dry rice + 3 c. water+ bullion and bay leaves.
Take the chopped holy trinity and garlic and saute under medium heat in a stock pot. Once they are sweaty n' soft, grab your soy curls-(MAKE SURE YOU SQUEEZE ALL THE WATER OUT) and throw those in. Save the stock for a future recipe or something. Get 'em nice n' brown. Add the spices, Worcestershire, and hot sauce. Now add the beans. Your rice should be done by now. Throw that cooked rice in the mix and give it all a good stir. Keep stirring for a few minutes, cover, keep the temp on low. Serve with some fresh parsley and extra hot sauce if needed. Look over your shoulder to make sure there aren't any fakin' Cajun dudes behind you with an axe.

moo-ha-da-ra what?

i think the spelling is moujadara. i suspect the pronunciation is moo-HA-dar-ah, but i could be wrong seeing that i'm as honky as they come. ANYway, the recipe is simple: seasoned lentils over a bed with basmati rice, and topped with super delish caramelized onions. fucking amazing. i could eat this every day. (using Sarah Palin voice) and also it gives you really spectacular farts.

MOFO question: how do you caramelize your onions? i'm not speaking in euphemisms either. i slice the onion in half, make sure the slices are in strings and rings-(not diced), saute them in a nice little bath of olive oil, and once clear i CHEAT by adding a spritz of balsamic vinegar and just a pinch of turbinado to make them gloriously brown and super sweet.