Damn Right It's Cookin' Crunk!

About my absence: most people assume when a vegan blogger lays off the blog love, that they've mysteriously developed an inexplicable craving for bacon and cheese and have given a fat middle finger to veg heads everywhere. They create a huge assed entry about how they're not vegan anymore because of an iron deficiency-(bullshit), or were "listening to their bodies" and message boards are on fire with the news.

Sorry, I don't have that drama for you. I've just been busy. Really busy!

I travel a lot now, and I've had adventures finding vegan eats while on the road to Terre Haute, IN and Indianapolis. Found a great Mom and Pop diner in TH that serves Lebanese food. Homemade grape leaves. I'll post on that later. I promise it won't take a month to read about it, either.

Then there's my new love affair with the garlic jalapeno flavored Daiya wedge. You can eat vegan cheese cold! Whuuuut? A vegan cheese that tastes good cold?  GTFOH.Yes.

I started a new job I love, parent two small children, and have had limited time to cook. In the long-long ago, I tested for my buddy Bianca Phillip's bad-ass cookbook "Cookin' Crunk: Eatin' Vegan in the Dirty South." That's when I really  had my game on. I could hardly wait for the book to come out.

Then it did. Got my copy. Let it sit on the shelf. Baaaaaaad Jen.

The photos above are of the pulled BBQ tempeh, caramelized onions&cabbage, and of the Chocolate Fudgy Puddin' Cake. DUDE: THE CAKE HAS A POOL OF HOT CHOCOLATE PUDDING ON THE BOTTOM. Goes perfect with a couple scoops of vanilla vegan ice cream. Yum.

I tested MANY recipes for this book. Stuff like sweet potato bread, coconut pie, country fried tempeh and gravy, country potato soup, and the jaw splitting chicken fried tofu and waffle sandwich. What are you waiting for, Elvis to come back? Just go out and buy the book already. You won't regret it.

Happy Birthday to Me! Party at The Owlery

 I celebrated my 40th birthday at Bloomington's finest vegetarian restaurant--The Owlery. 9 of us sat around a table and noshed on our favorite eats and shared a monster chocolate birthday cake! Imagine going to a restaurant where the entire dessert case is loaded with only vegan delights. I thought I had died and gone to Chocolate Heaven.

I had the poutine.  What's that? It's a Canadian delight: gravy fries covered in cheese. At The Owlery, the default setting for most dishes are vegan, and if you want dairy cheese, you have to order it that way. Pretty cool, eh?

We also went on a mini-getaway to a cabin in the woods and I made some dishes from American Vegan Kitchen and Vegan Sandwiches Save the Day. I'll post on that later.

Easy Vegan Brownies

Have no fear, you can haz brownies even when vegan! AND you don't have to be any kind of a culinary genius to do it. Most commercial cake and brownie mixes are vegan by default (check your labels for milk and egg ingredients), you just need to find an egg substitute. For this batch, I used So Delicious brand coconut milk yogurt-(vanilla flavored). I used the yogurt as the egg and for the beautiful cream cheese swirl! It was really easy: just subbed yogurt for egg  in the batter and dolloped the yogurt on top of brownie batter once in the pan. Using a butter knife, I swirled the yogurt into the batter and it baked and set beautifully. Cream cheese brownies in a jiffy! You could probably use any kind of non-dairy vanilla flavored yogurt, but I chose So Delicious out of sheer preference.

Yes, You Can Haz Cheesecake.

Yes, you can haz cheesecake. These are the pumpkin cheesecake squares from Kittee's 'zine Papa Tofu. So no more excuses about how you can't go vegan because you can't give up cheesecake. These morsels are sweet, creamy, and well--cheesy. The main ingredient is tofutti better than cream cheese, which is kind of expensive, but really worth it. The crust is a shortbread pecan sort of thing, so imagine glorious pumpkin cheesecake goodness on top of a pecan sandie and BOOM! you have this dessert that was meant to impress. This made a fabulous end to our Thanksgiving meal.

Vegan MOFO Day #26: Instant Gratification S'mores

 What would a zombie apocalypse camp be like without s'mores? I'll tell you: a zombie apocalypse camp from hell. We all need to gobble something sweet to distract ourselves from the herd. So I whipped up a batch of graham crackers from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar and slapped some Smucker's marshmallow ice cream topping-(accidentally vegan!) and a handful of vegan chocolate chips in between 'em. Wrapped it in some foil and warmed it in the Georgia heat. It was gloriously delish and messy.

Pudgy Pie Friday, I'm in Love!

Okay, well it's not Friday just yet. But it probably will be by the time you read this. My computer decided to give me some problems, so I took a break from blogging. I missed all of you profoundly.

Man, what an amazing thing my little sammich maker is. I would like to say that I bought it, but that's a lie. I liberated it from my last place of work at the garden store because no one loved it at all. It was lonely and cried to me on a daily basis for me to take it home with me and adopt it. Done and done! I was able to take perfectly useless white bread, Earth Balance, and some blueberry pie filling to make this gnawesome pudgy pie.

What, you say? Don't bum me out by telling me you don't know what the fuck a pudgy pie is! It's a camp comfort food. You can buy special irons to roast over fire pits and make a sammich filled with anything you like, or you can cheat and use a snackmaster sandwich maker by some X appliance company. The campfire ones are better, but I don't have time to camp, not right now anyway.

• Grab two pieces of your favorite bread
• Get a couple T's of vegan butter
• Get some pie filling, or the sweet filling of your choice

Grill, baby grill! It'll be a disco inferno in your mouth. You might want to let stuff cool a bit, so you can keep your precious tongue. Oooh, I have a late idea! Top that baby with some vegan vanilla ice cream. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Imagine the possibilities:
Cinnamon swirl bread with peach or apple pie filling
Brioche with vegan cream cheese and apricots
White bread with pumpkin pie filling and chocolate chips
Wheat bread with a dates, apples, and walnuts
Peanut butter and jelly!
What about a s'mores pudgy pie?

Tell me about your pudgy pie fantasy...

Berry Whites

So I know these strawberries don't look so sensual. What's going on there? Don't knock it until you try it.
This here is my own concoction and saving grace from eating an entire pie. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I gots to be careful of that stuff and moderate my sugar intake. No problem!

So here's how you make these Berry Whites...get it Barry White? He would rise from the grave to nosh on one of these.

You'll need:

4 Large strawberries BIG ONES. ZOMG! The more ginormous, the better

2T Justin's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter

1/3 cup of Cracklin Oat Bran Cereal and one single coffee bean, run through the coffee mill and set aside. Really, any vegan cereal will do. I just like me some COB.

• Wash and pat dry the berries. Set aside.
• Prepare your Cracklin' Oat Bran Dust. Set aside in a shallow dish.
• Make an assembly line near the pot: strawberries, pan, dish of cereal, wax paper.
• Heat the JNB on super low heat on a non stick skillet or pan. Stir constantly. Watch that butter!
• Lightly brush or roll each berry in melted JNB. 
• Roll each berry IMMEDIATELY in the pulverized cereal.
• Set on wax paper. 
• Stick in fridge.
• Eat once cooled. 
• Impress your friends.
• You're welcome.

Traditional Holiday Dishes Veganized

Rerun time! People, You're looking at the infamous Gobbler Slices from Celine and Tami's upcoming vegan sandwich cookbook, Vegan Sandwiches Save the Day! You MUST buy this book once it is available. I just made a mega loaf for Txgiving dinner today.

((stepping up to the pulpit)) And what is this holiday all about? A cruel reminder of what most of our forefathers did to the indigenous folk buried with a buffet of goodies followed by crazy department store sales? It really depends on who you are. I heard some people bad mouthin' this day, and I get it--the past sucks. I'm not just tossin' a "move on" attitude either. There is still pain and suffering every holiday. For people and animals. Let us all reclaim this as an opportunity to count our blessings and evaluate what is important to us.

That and food. The food! ((shaking fist in the air))
Look at that loaf. Sure it's kind of plain, but I assure you the taste is not. You'll never eat tofurky again.
Gobbler Club: gobbler slices, bacon bitz, red onion, fresh tomato, fresh parsley, and beannaise all on a cibatta roll.


This post is dedicated to Turkeys everywhere: here's some traditional Txgiving dishes veganized. Perhaps you're thinking of foregoing the bird this year. Maybe you have one of those weirdo vegans coming over for dinner. Be prepared and delighted!

*NOTE: this post is going in a day later than I wanted. If you've already gone ahead with your Thanksgiving plans, please consider these for the upcoming Xmas Holiday!

Main Course:

Chickpea Cutlets from Veganomicon
Chicken Seitan
Gluten Free Chickpea Patties

Sides:

• Mashed Potatoes with Olive oil instead of butter. Throw some minced garlic in there too.
• Sweet Potatoes with maple syrup and pecans. Use canola oil instead of butter to coat potatoes.
• Green Bean casserole- French's FF Onions are vegan. Puree mushrooms with a cup or two of veggie bullion, and thicken with some corn starch to make the cream of mushroom soup.
• This here veganized PORK RIND CASSEROLE. I will always be proud of this dish.
  

• Roasted asparagus w/olive oil, lemon, and a pinch of kosher salt
• Chickpea Gravy! Yes, gravy made with chickpeas. Us vegans will make gravy out of anything. Don't have chickpeas? Try subbing with another canned bean. Oh the possibilities!

Carby McCarb Land:

• Vegan Stuffing
• Gluten Free Vegan Stuffing
  
• Vegan Butterflake rolls
• Novel Eats take on the dinner roll
• Gluten Free Vegan French Bread Rolls w/ pumpkin butter

Don't forget to make room for dessert:

• vegan pumpkin pie
• lil' vegan pecan pies. dude!
• Veganized Persimmon Pudding Recipe
• behold the SMOLVE PIE-this one is labor intensive, but everyone will be super impressed.
• Gluten Free Vegan Pie Crust-fill it with your favorite gluten free filling

Enjoy this special day and remember that anyone can be vegan--it's not that hard. Turkeys everywhere are singin' praises for the principle of live and let live.

MOFO Day #30 True Grub: King of the Bill Cake and a GIVEAWAY!

As far as I know there are three factions in True Blood: Team Bill, Team Eric, and Team Alcide. ((groan)) Thanks from the bottom of my black heart, Twilight People.

What's wrong with being Switzerland in this scenario? Much like Sookie, I love all three. Hate me if you must, but I do. Is Bill a douche for what he's done to our little Fairy? Of course he is. He does have his redeeming qualities, he's a much better king than Sophie was queen. Those eyes. What happened to his sideburns? Is that a no-no in vampire royalty? I decided I'd take on the task of making him a cake--a King of the Bill Cake, which is just Kittee's King Cake recipe. I've been sworn to secrecy, so I cannot disclose the recipe.

Here's what I will tell you: the King Cake is a big ol' ring of cinnamon buns. Imagine making the log of dough and instead of cutting it up into individual rolls, you form it into a big circle. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. There's a learning curve kids, and the final product looked like a half inflated inner tube.

I think I wasn't paying attention to the temperature of warm liquid when I added in the yeast. Or maybe my yeast was bad. I could go on all day about it, but I will tell you that it wasn't a total fail taste wise. I improvised my own filling of cherries and chocolate chips and made some blood sugar sprinkles. It was good to me, but I'm sure a King Cake Connoisseur like Kittee would do a face palm and send me to detention.


So on this day before Halloween tell me about a kitchen fail and you could win a prize. Whuuuut? When I was at Vida Vegan Con, I bought TWO copies of Papa Tofu Loves Ethiopian by Kittee. One was for me, and the other one is for one lucky PITA vegan reader. I had planned to do this much sooner, but I got bogged down with some stuff at home. Sorry.

So get those stories to me by 4pm EST on Halloween.

Yes, I know that's tomorrow. So get to gettin'. Tell everyone you know about this contest and I look forward to reading about your epic fails.

MOFO Day #7 True Grub: Sookie's Sticky Buns and Peet's Coffee

Today's post is all about Sookay and her favorite kind of coffay. She's been to San Fransisco a number of times and enjoys stopping by Peet's Coffee for a cup of Cafe Solano or Cafe Domingo so she can stay up all night with her vampire friends. She loves Peet's so much she used her fairy powers to work with FoodBuzz Tastemaker's Program and Peet's sent me a sample care package so I could try their brew and pair it with the appropriate food. How sweet!
Even sweeter are Sookie's Sticky Buns. Sure, it looks like a meek cinnamon roll, but the beauty is the icing is on the BOTTOM. Get it, bottom=buns? I kill me. You want to see the beautiful cinnamon swirl on top, so the icing/glaze is at the bottom of the pan waiting for your tongue. To boot, these babies are gluten free. Why? Why not? I just like to try new stuff.

I veganized a recipe from Eating Gluten Free by Shreve Stockton. The rolls were good, but in my GF adventures, I have found GF baked goods to be whole 'nuther beast. I get something that still tastes good, but baked products tend to be a denser compared to non GF counterparts. Vegan & GF can be challenging, but still worth it. TIP: MUST use xanthan or guar gum. Otherwise, anything you make will crumble to dust like a staked vampire from an episode of Buffy. But this ain't about that show, it is about some True Grub.

A rich flavor with a hint of toffee, Cafe Domingo goes best with these rolls or any breakfast sweet treat. I closed my eyes and imagined I was on the True Blood set noshing on goodies by the craft services table and discussing fashion trends with Vampire Pam. Alan Ball slaps me on the back and asks me how my novel is coming along.

Okay back to reality. Life is good with a cup of Peet's, even better when Cafe Domingo hangs out with sticky sweets. Thanks to Peet's Coffee and FoodBuzz's Tastemaker program for giving me the opportunity to try this product! If you want to try Peet's, here's a coupon.

Back to baked goods. For you veganic experimenters and folks who have recently gone vegan--no need to get bummed if you have a gaggle of cookbooks and no room in the budget to buy a vegan cookbook. I'm gonna give you some tips to veganize baked stuff so you can make it vegan. It is easy and inexpensive to make cookies, breads, cakes, and rolls without butter, lard, eggs, and milk. Pretend you're a fairy just like Sookay and use this power! I do encourage you to buy one book at a time, or check out vegan cookbooks at your local library.

Do you see the magical "S" in the center of the roll?

Eggs: you have a few options. You can do the following to make a vegan egg in a baking recipe:

• 1 small mashed banana-(your baked goods will have banana flavor)
• 1T ground flax seed + 3T warm water. Set it aside for a few minutes and watch it turn into gelatinous goo that harms no one.
• 1/4 c. pureed silken tofu
• 1/4 c. applesauce-(I'm not wild about this one because I have found it makes my baked goods too dry)
• NRG Egg Replacer- This is a mix you can buy at the health food store or find in the natural foods aisle at your mainstream grocer. It lasts forever. It is mostly potato and tapioca starch.
• Jen's deviant experiment- If the fruit or veggie makes a slimy puree that mimics the quality of an egg, give it a try. I have had it work sometimes. Soaked instant tapioca, cornstarch and water warmed up and cooled, etc.
  

Butter:

• Flax oil-this expensive and very nutritious oil has buttery tones and has worked for me when baking. You have to keep it refrigerated.
• Canola oil
• Earth Balance
• Solid coconut oil
• Spectrum Shortening
• DO NOT use olive oil for baking. It won't work.
  

Milk:
You can make milk out of anything. You can also buy soy milk and a variety of other plant based milks at the store. When I bake, I make my own oat milk with 1 c. oats to 3 c water, put in a blender and strain*. Use the pulp as baby food or in another recipe. *=This ain't for drinking, this is for baking or cooking.

Avoiding wheat and soy:
Try making your own flour by running quinoa or millet in a coffee grinder, or buy the flour at the store. I find sorghum flour to be the best one for baking.

Avoiding nuts:
Peanuts and tree nuts are two different things. Many of my peanut and tree nut free friends swear by sunflower seeds, sunflower seed butter, and tahini. Both seed butters do produce a distinct flavor.

Vegan S'mores, Texas style

This bright idea was brought to you by Molly Jade of The Lone Star Plate. She's so smart. S'mores made with Biscoff cookies. Screw those store bought graham crackers made with honey, you want to do your sugar buzz right. So get your favorite chocolate chips, a couple of Dandies vegan marshmallows, and two Biscoff cookies. Wrap that party in some foil and stick in the toaster oven for a few minutes. Gooey gooey goodness. I ate the finished product before I realized I had forgotten to take a photo.

MOFO countdown. I'm ready. Just had the Jason Stackhouse Po'Boy tonight, and it was the stuff of legends.

happy birthday boxcar books!

some people are pretty lucky if they live in a huge metro area where vegan luxuries are a plenty. there are even luckier people that have it made and live in portland where the rivers flow with soymilk, the streets are paved with nooch, the trees grow vegan doughnuts, and bob barker personally wakes you up each morning. i'm not one of those lucky duckies, but i'm grateful to live in the coolest oasis in the midwest: bloomington, in. i love living in this town. she's such a beautiful gem in a junk drawer. if you've never been here, may i suggest a road trip? as long as you don't come during little 500 or hilly hundred, you should be good. if you are a bicycle enthusiast, then those two festivals would be right up your alley. i don't really consider little 500 to be a celebration of bikes, but as an excuse for the students and townsfolk to engage in acute alcohol poisoning all week. summer is the best time to visit because all the students are gone.

we have a volunteer run bookstore and community center: boxcar books. they had their 7th birthday party and there was a massive vegan dessert bounty. i didn't think to bring my camera with me so all photos were taken with my camera phone. here are some of my favorite highlights from the spread: pictured above are vegan buckeyes, YES vegan buckeyes.

i'm usually not a fan of putting balls in my mouth-((((giggling like butthead)))), but these raw junior chocolate coconut balls were to die for!

this photo doesn't do this dessert justice. these lemony strawberry cupcakes were absolutely adorable. the chick that baked them was even cuter. of course i didn't openly flirt with her. just in my brain.

my plate: a wrapped choco-peanut butter chip bar for vinnie, a vegan buckeye, chocolate pudding cake (sweetened with some kind of fruit, very good), and some vegan carrot cake with cream cheez frosting. NOT pictured, but lounging in my belleh were bites of the following: lemon bars, and a chocolate chip cookie.

sweet n' salty

today was sweet n' salty at work day. this means that all my omni and veg co-workers brought in an array of delicious noshables that i couldn't eat. fear not...per vegan freak observance of the motto "meek vegans suffer"--i made sure i had a stash of stuff i could nibble upon. i took some of my chocolate chips-(kroger value brand are vegan!), melted them in the microwave, smeared them on regular graham crackers and topped with salted cashews. i don't know what to call them...evening at the improv choco-nachos? they were tasty. i was so stoked about it, i took a picture of it with my cell phone and e-mailed it to myself so i could post it on the blog-(and i'm pretty technologically inept).

ps: please ignore my orthodontic wax on the side of the plate.

the nosh pit

this piece of food porn was an experiment. i took a recipe for vegan s'more brownies, and improvised adding bananas to the batter instead of applesauce to make it moister. i know applesauce can be used as a vegan egg in baking, but i think it tends to make things dense and dry, and there's nothing worse than a dry brownie. instead of baking it in a pan, i made individual s'more brownie cupcakes. if things are in pan form i can easily eat an entire pan, but if i make small portions, vin and i tend to eat them slower. i know it doesn't make sense, but i don't make a whole lotta sense. anyway-- even though i used the bananas, i found the brownie/graham cracker crust combo to be a bit dry for my taste so i HAD to top the whole thing off with a generous scoop of chocolate soy delicious and some vegan marshmallow topping. i had a total foodgasm as i reminisced of sitting around a campfire.

i love me some food talk, but i kinda get highly irritated when i hear RR's sentiment of "yum-o!" c'mon, is that all you have? i don't like "yummers!" either. i need to invent my own food oreinted expletive i guess. my husband used to love her, but something happened and he became full of rage overnight, saying that she was too intense, blathering on how she sounded like a methed out chain smokin' lezzie gym teacher. i happen to be fond of lezzie gym teachers, but whatev.