Damn Right It's Cookin' Crunk!

About my absence: most people assume when a vegan blogger lays off the blog love, that they've mysteriously developed an inexplicable craving for bacon and cheese and have given a fat middle finger to veg heads everywhere. They create a huge assed entry about how they're not vegan anymore because of an iron deficiency-(bullshit), or were "listening to their bodies" and message boards are on fire with the news.

Sorry, I don't have that drama for you. I've just been busy. Really busy!

I travel a lot now, and I've had adventures finding vegan eats while on the road to Terre Haute, IN and Indianapolis. Found a great Mom and Pop diner in TH that serves Lebanese food. Homemade grape leaves. I'll post on that later. I promise it won't take a month to read about it, either.

Then there's my new love affair with the garlic jalapeno flavored Daiya wedge. You can eat vegan cheese cold! Whuuuut? A vegan cheese that tastes good cold?  GTFOH.Yes.

I started a new job I love, parent two small children, and have had limited time to cook. In the long-long ago, I tested for my buddy Bianca Phillip's bad-ass cookbook "Cookin' Crunk: Eatin' Vegan in the Dirty South." That's when I really  had my game on. I could hardly wait for the book to come out.

Then it did. Got my copy. Let it sit on the shelf. Baaaaaaad Jen.

The photos above are of the pulled BBQ tempeh, caramelized onions&cabbage, and of the Chocolate Fudgy Puddin' Cake. DUDE: THE CAKE HAS A POOL OF HOT CHOCOLATE PUDDING ON THE BOTTOM. Goes perfect with a couple scoops of vanilla vegan ice cream. Yum.

I tested MANY recipes for this book. Stuff like sweet potato bread, coconut pie, country fried tempeh and gravy, country potato soup, and the jaw splitting chicken fried tofu and waffle sandwich. What are you waiting for, Elvis to come back? Just go out and buy the book already. You won't regret it.

While at the Cottage

 This was my daily view from the lake house where I spent my 40th birthday vacation! You can't see it, but there's a hot tub out on the deck. I spent a lot of time there when I wasn't in the kitchen.

 I made my infamous seitanic wingz. All you do is grab some seitan, lightly flour it, bake it up for a bit. I did 350 for ten minutes on each side. Once out of the oven, coat it with some wing sauce. It's not that hard and you have the fabulous flavor without any of the poultry or icky bones.

 I served it along with some fresh veggies and ranch style dip. I use beans as the base of the dip, and flavor it with ranch style seasonings. Think of it as ranchy, hummusy goodness.

For one night, we got rid of the kids and had some adult time together. I made this for dinner: The Jimwich from Vegan Sandwiches Save the Day! by Celine Steen and Tamasin Noyes. It's pan seared seitan served with bbq sauteed onions and FRIED PICKLES. It was SO GOOD.

Happy Birthday to Me! Party at The Owlery

 I celebrated my 40th birthday at Bloomington's finest vegetarian restaurant--The Owlery. 9 of us sat around a table and noshed on our favorite eats and shared a monster chocolate birthday cake! Imagine going to a restaurant where the entire dessert case is loaded with only vegan delights. I thought I had died and gone to Chocolate Heaven.

I had the poutine.  What's that? It's a Canadian delight: gravy fries covered in cheese. At The Owlery, the default setting for most dishes are vegan, and if you want dairy cheese, you have to order it that way. Pretty cool, eh?

We also went on a mini-getaway to a cabin in the woods and I made some dishes from American Vegan Kitchen and Vegan Sandwiches Save the Day. I'll post on that later.

More Praises for "Hearty Vegan"

 I decided to dust off my growing cookbook collection and get to gettin' with the cookin' if you know what I mean. I opened up Hearty Vegan: Meals for Monster Appetites by Celine Steen and Joni Marie Newman. The pictures had me drooling. Yowza! I picked a few dishes based on ingredients I had at home, made a shopping list for what I didn't have, and was off to work.

The first picture is of the Cheesy Chili Bake. I had a few cups of chili that was looking lonely and wanted to do something creative. This was a great move on my part. This ain't your momma's chili mac-- the shit was fabulous, the stuff of ultimate comfort food. Then again, that's Hearty Vegan in a nutshell for you-- ALL the recipes are for mouthwatering, homestyle, and rib sticking delights. The chili bake has a cheesy sauce inside the bake and another one on top for twice the cheese goodness. This is a must make for anyone craving cheese. I topped the casserole with some french fried onions for flair.

Breakfast, anyone?

These are the Chocolate Pecan muffins from the breakfast section of the book. Don't be fooled by the chocolate top. The muffins contain three types of grains to keep you filled and energized to tackle what the work week may bring you. 

Brrrr, it's cold outside! How about a Pot O' Lentil Stew?

This was a delightful way to end my Sunday: a nice lentil stew served with some Smoky Pub Cheez. Who knew you could recreate the bar cheese sensation with oatmeal? I know I've hit your curious nerve. Now go make it? The spread has a nice mellow bite and is perfectly smoky, a must bring to a party. The lentil stew warms you up from the inside out and is full of lentily-vegetabley goodness. 

I made all of this and that's just the tip of the iceberg for this cookbook! The instructions are easy to follow, the pictures are drop dead gorgeous, and the recipes are inspiring. I mean, don't you want to make your own vegan peanut butter cups? How's about waldorf salad wraps? And what in the hell are Irish nachos? You'll have to buy the book to find out. 

I'll be covering more vegan cookbooks in future entries to ignite the spark within you all.

A Tale of Two Soups and My Opinion on Farts.

 Brrrr! It's cold outside! Time to warm up with soup. Today we have a tale of two soups. The one above is a tasty red lentil vegetable soup complete with a giant dumpling. The spice blend used is my new favorite: Mediterranean. For X-Mas, my kids got me this big container of the stuff and I've been using it for soups, vegetables, and veggie burgers! It's a mixture of cumin, coriander, oregano, rosemary, salt, and a pinch of cinnamon! The dumpling is the rug that ties the room together. For an elastic second, I forgot that it is just 7 degrees outside my door!

The second soup is a vegan ham n' bean soup that I found on VegWeb. My spouse wanted to try it, so we did. We used pintos instead of the recommended black eyed peas, and had fantastic results. When I was little, I was a bean with bacon soup junkie, and this reminded me of that commercial canned soup from so long ago! If you're craving a smoky, salty, bacon-y, and beany soup, this is for you. To answer the question, "Will this make me fart?" The answer is "Yes, duh." If you're gonna go vegan, expect some gas. After all, you're eating a lot of beans! I'd still take a room full of morally superior vegan farts any day over the stench of one omnivore fart.

Chili Mac!

I made this with a Soy Kaas Cheddar block. They make both vegan and vegetarian cheese, and I got a free block of it. I did not like this cheese. It wasn't acidic at all, and needed some miso and vinegar to the mix to make it tang like a good cheddar cheese should. This would have been much better with Daiya or Teese.

So Chili Mac. My favorite. When I was little my aunt would make this with deer meat. Gross city! These days I make mine by mixing my favorite vegan chili with my some vegan mac n' cheese. It's a no brainer. For those of you contemplating veganism, you don't really need too many cookbooks in the beginning. Just go to the library and get some books for cryin' out loud, see what you like, and then make a purchasing decision. I started with Vegan with a Vengeance and that gave me the initiative to really dive into this thing. There's also so much out there on teh interwebz where you should never feel deprived of something you love eating. Vegan haggis or vegan Menudo? Ew. That might be your thing, though so don't be afraid to use that Google search engine.

Vegan MOFO Day #31: The Grand Finale

 Whatever happened to Herschel's leg? I think it's still on the prison floor. At the end of MOFO, I'm always stumped for ideas, and a reader suggested making a leg of Herschel sandwich. I didn't have the time to put a lot of love into that idea, but I did buy some pizza dough from my local eatery and made a pizza instead.

 I give you the Herschel. It's a pizza with my pesto sauce and sun dried tomatoes. You can rip the toes off and dip them in your favorite sauce if you so desire.

This has been a great MOFO and I appreciate everyone hanging in there with me. I certainly hope you've enjoyed yourself. I feel my theme wasn't as strong as last years, but I stuck with it and that's all that really matters. I already have an idea for next year's mofo, so I'm going to start taking pictures and working on recipes so I can have my ducks in a row come next October. Happy Halloween!

Vegan MOFO Day #26: Instant Gratification S'mores

 What would a zombie apocalypse camp be like without s'mores? I'll tell you: a zombie apocalypse camp from hell. We all need to gobble something sweet to distract ourselves from the herd. So I whipped up a batch of graham crackers from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar and slapped some Smucker's marshmallow ice cream topping-(accidentally vegan!) and a handful of vegan chocolate chips in between 'em. Wrapped it in some foil and warmed it in the Georgia heat. It was gloriously delish and messy.

Vegan MOFO Day #13: Shane Vs.The Hercules Dog

 "I should have taken one or two hot dogs to go."

 I can't help but wonder if Shane might have been able to save himself from his cray-cray episodes if he had spent less time pining over Lori and more time shoveling vegan hot dogs from Naughty Dog in Bloomington, IN into his piehole. NOTE: clicking to link will show non-vegan food porn. He had the Hercules Dog (shown below) which is a vegan hot dog with tomatoes, hummus, and Giardiniera relish--all on a toasted bun.

This was a glorious mishmash of salty and greasy, perfect for those days when you want to elevate your blood pressure and fat intake in one sitting. His mistake was exercising restraint by only having one, which surprised me. Why hold back? You can't just have one, you need to have a second one, or sometimes a third. That's where the **magic** happens. Doing so could have potentially changed the course of apocalypse time for Mr. Wacko.

 Naughty Dog also has a laundry list of other vegan toppings-(including chili!) that make eating a regular nitrate mystery meat dog unnecessary.

Vegan MOFO Day #12: Sophia's GF Pasta Bake

Before Sophia drank the zombie kool-aid, she loved to help her mom in the kitchen. She actually specialized in gluten free eats due to having celiac disease. This was her favorite dinner. She tried to tell me how to make it, but all I heard was hiss-groan-mumble-hiss-groan-mumble-hiss. If the undead can walk and eat brains, why can't they speak in clear sentences? I decided I would be nice and translate for her.

Sophia's GF Pasta Bake
You'll need:
2pkgs Tofu Shirataki noodles
1/2 jar Red Pasta Sauce (pick your favorite, check those labels for milk!)
1/2 c. favorite pesto sauce. You can use mine.
1/2 c. salted cashews
1/2 t garlic powder
1/4 c. nutritional yeast aka "nooch"
1/2 c. sun dried tomatoes
1/4 c. black olives

Preheat the oven to 350. Spray a loaf pan with nonstick spray and set aside. Drain and rinse shirataki noodles and put in pan. Cover noodles with half a jar of pasta sauce, or a little more if you desire. Dollop pesto sauce on top. Sprinkle olives and sun dried tomatoes on top. Pulse the cashews and nooch in a food processor or coffee mill. Finally, sprinkle the garlic powder on top. Bake for about 20 minutes, or until bubbly.

Vegan MOFO Day #11: Herschel's Red Velvet Pancakes

Oy, how I love me some Herschel. What a badass. What can't he do? Well, he's not going to release his recipe for red velvet pancakes, that's what. He's just too busy protecting his land and head butting Rick at camp 'Pocky. Then there's that puffy heart growing between Maggie and Glenn, he just can't stand it.

 

Here's what I will tell you about these pancakes: being vegan and all, they are colored not with red dye, but with Biotta Beet Juice. He's still tweaking the other ingredients so no beet flavor can be detected. This was met with some success, there's still something that's missing. I'm pretty sure a solid recipe will be released after MOFO. The frosting/syrup is made with some Earth Balance, Tofutti Cream Cheese, and some sugar. That also needs some adjusting. Rest assured, these were pretty good. Even the walkers in the barn took a break from killing to enjoy these. There's a rumor that they would consider going vegan, they just can't seem to give up their love affair with human flesh. They apparently haven't tried seitan.

"You sure as hell won't be eating any animals on my land."

Hoosier Scramble

What is under that pile of gravy? While the photo doesn't look appetizing-(hey, gravy shots rarely do), the contents are by golly: this is my take on the Village Deli's Hoosier Scramble. Their very un vegan version is toast smothered in scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage gravy, and cheese.

My version is toast with tofu scramble, hash browns, miso gravy, and topped with daiya. I served some fresh tomato slices along side this treat and ate the whole damn thing. Nice to have my appetite back.

Dusting Off My Sticky Buns

 So, back when I last wrote, I talked about losing my appetite. Well, fell down hard. Bad enough where it seemed the whole world saw my pannies. I dusted off my buns, I got some help for the loss of appetite and much-much-more, and have been out of commission for the past week resting in a quiet place.  It's been rough, but I found bits of myself and my stomach again. We sent the kids to Columbus, OH to stay with relatives and picked them up yesterday.

So what does all that have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, Pattycake Bakery is just 3.5 miles from our relatives house, so we made a pit stop for some sticky buns before returning to Indiana.

And oh what sticky buns they are! Melt in your mouth deliciousness. The cure all for any drought of appetite. Just look at how deep that frosting goes! Straight to my soul, I tells you. Cinnamon and frosting fixes everything.

Taking the time to take care of myself has been a blessing. Being away made me miss my home cooking, which helped me get my desire to eat back from the basement. Hospitals really need to get on board with vegan eats. Then again, those kinds of places aren't exactly known for their gourmet cuisine.

Thanks to all of you readers for loving me during this rough patch. Your dedication means the world to me.

Ain't No Party Like a Cookie Party, 'Cause a Cookie Party Don't Stop

 Here's just a sampling of the cookies I made for my own going away party. Yes, I throw my own going away party parties because that's how I roll. Turns out, I'm moving after all. Are you ready for me, Kalamazoo? Pictured above are the chocolate mint wafer cookies from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur. I like to omit the cocoa in the actual cookie dough because I think they are pretty rich, so I save the chocolate BOOM for the coating. I also add a little peppermint extract to the coating for an extra peppermint kiss.

The middle photo are said cookies nekkid. I also made them gluten free by using a half blend quinoa and spelt flour and 1.5 t of xanthan gum. Don't forget that xanny, because it keeps GF cookies from crumbling to bits. The result are a nice crisp cookie. I haven't perfected GF softies just yet.

And for my old standby: the cheater cho chip wonder. Duncan Hines cake mixes, not all but most are accidentally vegan. Just sub a flax seed egg for the traditional hen egg, 1/4 c. canola oil, and 2 cap full of soy milk. That gives you PERFECT dough. Roll dough into balls, flatten with the palm of your hand and plant them with chips of your choice. Kroger Private Selection Organic Chocolate Chips are vegan. I personally like a chip in each bite, so I like to plant them in by hand as opposed to adding 3/4 c. of chips only to have 1 cookie with 999 chips and the rest with two a piece.

At 350 for exactly 10 minutes will give you the perfect soft batch cookie. So if you're pressed for time, go ahead, throw together some semi-homemade goodness. Your friends will never know unless you tell them.

It's Been a Long Time, Been a Long time, Been a Long-Long...

Led Zeppelin plays in the radio in my head as I eat this sandwich from Roots on the Square, formerly known as Roots Vegetarian Restaurant. It's definitely been a while, probably a year since I've been there. When I'm there I usually get their panang curry because it really is the best in town. This day I opted for their breaded seitan tenderloin-(vegan take on a Hoosier classic!) and didn't regret it.

I haven't wanted to go there because they now carry local meat, which pisses me off. Prior to The Owlery, there was really one game in town to get exclusive vegetarian eats, and that was Roots. Then the Locavore movement had to waltz in and tout their excellent local beef and pork. Then it was all over. Boooo. What gives? I mean, good for you that you want to eat local meat, but it is still meat. I shouldn't be so bitchy, really. But I don't want to confuse anyone by saying that one is better than the other. To me, eating meat is eating meat. I'm grateful people want to elevate their consciousness and make a connection, but why not make the connection of not eating meat and trying this awesome fucking sandwich? This is probably one of those entries where you will read about these feelings, so enjoy the snarkism while it lasts. Otherwise, I'm a fairly peaceful and loving vegan.

But my co-worker treated me to lunch and I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. The sandwich is still really good. If you're in the area and have omnis to make  happy, bring them there. You can always have any one of their excellent vegetarian/vegan selections, and again--let me suggest the curry. Get it at about a 3.5 spice level. You won't regret it.

No move to MI, btw. Long story. Just stay tuned to some awesome eats and observations by the ever loving Pain in the Ass Vegan.

Tell 'Em What You Want, What You Really Really Want

One of my favorite local eateries is not a veggie/vegan spot at all. It's a diner called The Cozy Table, right off the highway at the 3rd St. exit. They serve comfort grub, with lots of meat, but that doesn't bother me no how.

I just order the veggie skillet without eggs or cheese and ask for a side of salsa. And I always ask to be put in Paula's section, because she is a waitress dynamo. Look at that gorgeous pile of taters. Filling and satisfying. In fact, most family restaurants carry the same menu, so don't be afraid to custom order some of these for yourself. If the place doesn't carry the skillet, then just ask for a double order of hash browns or home fries and add every vegetable they have available in the kitchen. One time I went to Ft. Wayne to Sara's Family Restaurant and they even put squash in there--wOOt!

So there--being vegan while traveling is really no big deal. With everyone having food allergies and sensitivities these days, you might even be able to convince your favorite joint into carrying soy milk just for you. Places want new and returning customers, so tell 'em what you want!

Pudgy Pie Friday, I'm in Love!

Okay, well it's not Friday just yet. But it probably will be by the time you read this. My computer decided to give me some problems, so I took a break from blogging. I missed all of you profoundly.

Man, what an amazing thing my little sammich maker is. I would like to say that I bought it, but that's a lie. I liberated it from my last place of work at the garden store because no one loved it at all. It was lonely and cried to me on a daily basis for me to take it home with me and adopt it. Done and done! I was able to take perfectly useless white bread, Earth Balance, and some blueberry pie filling to make this gnawesome pudgy pie.

What, you say? Don't bum me out by telling me you don't know what the fuck a pudgy pie is! It's a camp comfort food. You can buy special irons to roast over fire pits and make a sammich filled with anything you like, or you can cheat and use a snackmaster sandwich maker by some X appliance company. The campfire ones are better, but I don't have time to camp, not right now anyway.

• Grab two pieces of your favorite bread
• Get a couple T's of vegan butter
• Get some pie filling, or the sweet filling of your choice

Grill, baby grill! It'll be a disco inferno in your mouth. You might want to let stuff cool a bit, so you can keep your precious tongue. Oooh, I have a late idea! Top that baby with some vegan vanilla ice cream. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Imagine the possibilities:
Cinnamon swirl bread with peach or apple pie filling
Brioche with vegan cream cheese and apricots
White bread with pumpkin pie filling and chocolate chips
Wheat bread with a dates, apples, and walnuts
Peanut butter and jelly!
What about a s'mores pudgy pie?

Tell me about your pudgy pie fantasy...

Gimme Some Lovin'

Not to get off the topic of food, because I do have a point discussing my life homework in this post: I am taking a Death and Dying class at church and part of our homework is to take the day of the month we were born on, -(in my case it is the 13th) and do something we've never done before. Well, I travel to MI all the time to see relatives and friends and pass the Auburn Deussenberg Cord Car Museum right outside of Ft. Wayne, about an hour or south of the MI state line. I got my fill of classic cars--golly, they were beautiful. I also got my fill of the Loving Cafe in Ft. Wayne.

 The food selection was overwhelming. I went for the BBQ bun sandwich which was a very pork like seitan smothered in a rich BBQ sauce and topped with creamy cole slaw. I chose potato kale soup as my side.

I was licking sauce off my fingers the entire meal. That's how BBQ is supposed to be!

I also ate a nice breakfast at Sarah's Family Restaurant, right across the street from the Hilton Garden Inn on SR 24. I requested a double order of hash browns with all house veggies and dry toast. It was really really good! Sorry, no pic. The hash brown or home fries trick has never failed me. You simply go to any local restaurant and ask them to make up a plate of unique home fries for you while everyone else noshes on bacon and eggs. It's a great vegan on the road survival tip, and most places are happy to make it for you! I even had the waitress ask if it was okay to add squash and spinach to my hash browns. Hell yeah!

So I challenge you to find a museum or some sort of park in a podunk town near you and make a mini vacation of it. Take a tour, go to the local eateries, and enjoy yourself. I often forget all the little treasures outside of my own unique college town!

Might as Well Face It, I'm Addicted to Owls...

 I am an Owlery junkie. It's official. They've been re-opened at their new downtown location for slightly less than a month now and I've been there 3 times. This pic is from my recent unofficial Indiana Post Punk Kitchen meet-up. I'm going to use everyone's user names on the forum, so please don't think these people have really weird names. Featured above is Abstract Nonsense's brunch plate of scramble, hashbrowns, TVP sausage, toast, and some fresh pineapple. That was my first time meeting him and I think he's really neat, and oh-so-nerdy in such an adorable way.

 Here's my jaw breaker: farm bread housing tofu scramble, tofu bacon, tvp sausage, lettuce, daiya cheese, tomato, and veganaise. Yep, I ate the whole thing. THE WHOLE THING!

 Same thing, on a biscuit. Skinny Daisy likes biscuits.

 Quark is a biscuit and gravy gal. She said this was really good: biscuits, mushroom gravy, and TVP sausage with a side of home fries to the right.

 

Vegans are so SEXY! Left to right, Flounder, Sarahclaire, Skinny Daisy, me, and Abstract Nonsense

 

Now I have at least four or five new crushes. Quark is positively gorgeous!

You can find out more about The Owlery right hizzere.