MOFO Day #4 True Grub: Terry's Red Eye Gravy n' Grits

Now you get to see several recipes unified in one delicious ceremony which I have nicknamed Merlotte's Red Plate Special. When you ask Sam to fry up some ham, Gram to bring her beans n' ham, and Terry who's mentally on the fritz to bring the gravy n' grits, well--that is something that Dr. Seuss can write a book about.
Just look at that, three awesome dishes gossiping in harmony.
Terry Bellefleur. Terry-Terry-Terry. I absolutely adore him. Did you know when this lovable cup of crazy isn't slingin' hash at the bar, he is writing his own Southern vegan cookbook and testing his recipes on Arlene? True story. I was talking with him this morning about Gilmore Girls re-runs over a giant plate of the aforementioned Merlotte's Red Plate Special. What a cutie pie.

Now back to reality. I'm sitting in front of the computer in my makeshift pajamas analytically toiling over how I'm supposed to convince you this is old skool red eye gravy. Sadly, it isn't--but don't run away, it IS GRAVY. Greasy, salty, and glorious gravy praise Jeebus. The signature moniker of red eye comes from pouring the coffee in the pork drippings to have your skillet look like a giant eyeball. Louisiana RE Gravy is usually made with roast beef and a chicory coffee. Seriously, who needs culinary school when you can just look stuff up on Wikipedia?

Since I'm BFF with Wilbur and Babe, I skipped the pork drippings by using this recipe. I'm sure it could be better, but I think it's pretty good, and you have to give yours Jewly some cred for having the chutzpah to create something she has never made or even tried. Boo-yah.

Terry's Red Eye Gravy n' Grits

You'll need:

• A couple of big pieces of Sam's Shape Shifter Ham
• 2T AP flour
• 3/4 c. strong coffee-(preferably day old) I was in a pinch and prepared a cup of (ACK!) instant coffee.
• 1 c. of Sam's Shape Shifter ham puree*-(remember the floaty bits and left over stock from the recipe? Did you listen to me and keep it? Good. Now throw that in a blender until smooth.)
• 1 t chili powder
• 2T vegan butter
• 3T canola oil
• 1/2 t salt (or more) to taste
• 1/4 c. finely chopped onions
• a few turns of fresh black pepper
• A couple of portions of cooked grits

Melt that butter and saute those onions on medium heat, Don't let the crackling sound remind you of the war zone. Add the chili powder and canola oil, throwing the ham steaks in and fry the shit out of them. Once the ham is good n' crispy, take it out and put in a warm oven. Where in the hell is my coffee? Put that in the skillet, then add the ham puree. Add the 2T flour last. Don't think you can mix up the order of stuff--I'm watching you.

Pour the gravy over prepared grits and on top of your ham. Serve with Gram's Ham & Beans if you please.

MOFO Day #2 True Grub: Sam's Shapeshifter Ham

This second recipe is a must for True Grub: Sam's Shapeshifter Ham. I won't lie--texture wise it ain't ham. I think it is because I used a crock pot to cook it instead of a roasting pan in the oven, and I was warned by my PPK vegan sisters to not do that. I'm such a rebel. I did that for a reason, though. I wanted to make a wheat meat that could be used for multiple dishes. You'll want to use the leftover stock and floaty bits for another True Grub recipe or freeze as a soup base if you please. Hence the name of shape shifter.

Pigs everywhere thank you for letting them live out their dream of being a Jamaican bobsled team.

The way to serve this stuff up right is to slice as thin as you can and pan fry it a little until it's crispy. The flavor reminds me of a nice honey baked ham loafy thing my mom would buy at the supermarket. I was raised on a lot of loafy type meats. Loaf. Heh-heh.

This recipe is a mash up, a hybrid of sorts utilizing Bryanna Clark Grogan's* ham recipe and the recipe from Taymer Mason's* Carribean Vegan. I added some PITA Vegan flair, but I'll give all the credit to them for the inspiration. Thanks, ladies! I call this Shape Shifter Ham because a) ham rhymes with Sam b) this is super versatile and can be used in multiple dishes, just like Sam can be a super hot owner of a bar, a drunken asshole, a collie, a horse, or a hawk.

*I received permission from Bryanna to talk about her recipe and list ingredients from it. As of today, I have not heard from Taymer, but have credited both authors and highly suggest you support them by buying their books.

Sam's Shape Shifter Ham
A recipe mash up of Bryanna Clark Grogan, Taymer Mason, plus some PITA Vegan love!

Dry Ingredients:

• 1.5 c. vital wheat gluten
• 1/2 c. soy flour
• 2 t. onion powder
• 1 t. garlic powder
• 1/4 t. allspice
• 1/4 t. white pepper
• 1/4 t. ground cloves
• a few turns of fresh black pepper
• 1 T instant tapioca

Wet Ingredients:

• 3T soy, tamari, or Bragg's
• 2T pure maple syrup or agave
• 1/2 c. favorite bacon bitz plus 1 c. hot water, set aside
• 2T bbq sauce
• 3/4 t liquid smoke
• 1T sesame oil
• 1c. water

Simmering Broth:

• 2c. veg broth, drained soy curl water, or used seitan stock
• 1c. super strong coffee-(here's where day old joe can work in your favor)
  

Mix your wet with dry in a food processor, except for the blended bacon bitz. Add the bacon bitz slurry last. Don't freak out: it WILL look like a giant wad of bubble gum. Let the magic happen! Under the power of the full moon, set that giant spongy orb in a crock pot with the broth and coffee. Set to high and check on it in about an hour. Flip it over in the broth carefully, but don't have a melt down if it falls apart a little--that's the beauty of being a shifter. Cook for another hour on high, flip again, and simmer on low for another hour. Did you know shifting could be so time consuming? It happens so fast on the show. Stupid television.

After the ham has cooked, very carefully extract the meaty thing from the crock pot and slice. It will be fluffy and loose, that's fine--the oven will dry and toughen it up. Bake on a greased cookie sheet at 350, flipping every 10 minutes or so until it has dried. You can use immediately in other True Grub recipes, or pan fry a little for a nice hot ham n' cheez sammie. If you're not going to use it immediately, that's cool-just put it in a container and stick it in the fridge. Use within a few days, or stick in the freezer. Take all that awesome broth and floaty bits and put in a container for later use: gravy, soup, or another batch of ham.