Tuesday, December 9, 2008

grieving


last night i had to do one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. i had to let go of one of my closest friends for the past 15 years, ms. clairisse von twittletoes.

my eyes burn from crying. i can't fucking sleep. i've been up since 5:15am and i feel guilty for the 3.25 hours of sleep i've managed to get. there are too many words to describe how i'm feeling at this moment. the vet was super cool. he explained everything to me as he was euthanizing her, and i was able to hold her and love her as she fell asleep.

this cat was a present given to me in 1993 when i made a decision to stop drinking. she has been with me through every move, job change, hook-up, break-up, illness, hiring, firing--everything. she was an incredibly outgoing cat that would march right up to a complete stranger, jump on their lap, and insist that she smell their mouth to say hello. if the person didn't comply, she would gently head butt the individual until they submitted to her will. she knew when a human being was suffering and would crawl right into the lap of the injured or depressed and stay there until the crying stopped. she played with toys like she was a kitten. she was known to engage in 'stunt eating' when she wasn't pleased with the contents of her food bowl. she was amazing.

and she will be missed in perpetuity.

13 comments:

miss v said...

i'm so sorry. i've met a few head-butting cats before - such personality.

Kiersten said...

I am so sorry *HUGS*

Becks - Not a Rabbit. said...

She sounds like a really wonderful cat.
One of my boys headbutts ('noggins') so hard it hurts!
I'm so sorry >:o(
*HUGS*

bonbon and sapid said...

I am very sorry for your loss. She was beautiful.
-bonbon

Bianca said...

Ah, I'm so sorry! This is truly one of the hardest things in the world to deal with (at least in my experience). I had a cat with feline leukemia a few years ago and after weeks of her getting worse and worse, I finally made the decision. And it was the hardest decision I've ever made. It didn't feel fair that, even though she felt awful, I had to play God and decide when she would die.

But in the end, I realized that she was miserable and that maybe I was just being selfish or at least, unrealistic. So I took her to the vet and we had it done. It took awhile getting over, but I was finally able to come to terms with the fact that she would have died anyway...I just made the process less painful for her.

I'm terribly sorry you had to go through this.

Sal said...

Jen I'm so sorry, that's horrible. I was devastated when my kitty had to be put down after we'd had her 17 years. It's heartbraking when you have to let them go.

deleilan said...

Jen, my thoughts are with you at this painful moment. Your kitty sounds like she was a very unique creature. She was there for you through the good and bad times, and at the end you were there for her too.

I had to let my 17-year-old puss go earlier this year. This Christmas will be the first without him "nesting" in the wrapping paper. Remembering those funny moments and realizing how much he brought into my life are making it a bit easier.

Chodarling said...

Jen...
I am so sorry...&...I know it may sound cliche but I do feel your pain...having had lost a cat...with similar traits whom I had for over 10 years! They are amazing animals with indivual & unique personalities! I am sure she will be missed but fondly remembered!

Joanna said...

Jen, I am so sorry about your cat. She sounds like an amazing animal, and I know she misses you just as much as you miss her.

You're in my prayers, my friend.

ChocolateCoveredVegan said...

Oh Jen, I am so sorry. It sucks soooo much to lose an animal friend. I cried for days when my dog had to be put to sleep and I said I never wanted another one. It just hurts so much. I'm sending you hugs, although I know they can't make things better.

VeganCowGirl said...

Jen - I just saw this post. I am very very sorry for your loss. Animals are babies, family and friends all rolled into one furry ball of love. It is clear that she benefited so much from all the love you gave her. Thank you for sharing her with us. Be well and take good care.

Chelsea said...

I'm so sorry. Your tribute is beautiful and made me cry along with you.

Jane said...

I'm so sorry for your lose. I too have had a friend fall asleep in death. His name was Stewie. He was a wonderful companion who loved to be loved. We hadn't meant to keep him but fell in love immediately. The awful horror of it all was that I watched him dodge under a moving car and instantly plunge to his death. So I truly understand the depth of your lose.