Product Review: 2 New Flavors from Lilly's Hummus!

I know, you're probably sick of me being an advertisement for Lilly's Hummus.  I'll tell you something, once you take a bite, you'll be converted--this shit is insanely good, and I'm not one to buy store bought hummus. I sent them a tweet asking for coupons and guess what I got? Not one, not two, but THREE containers of hummus: my favorite smoked jalapeno, and TWO NEW FLAVORS! Cracked pepper hummus is a delightful schmear with cracked peppery goodness that goes perfect with anything. The spice blend reminded me of the spices found in fried chicken breading--this would be the thing to eat if you were missing fried chicken. The black bean is a zippy spread that would tie together any southwest inspired sammich. I think I'm going to try making a pasta bake or burger with that one.

They also sent me a slick Lilly's Hummus T-shirt which I will wear with pride. PRIDE! Another fabulous reason to love Portland, OR.

Lilly's also sent me some kitchen magnets and a couple recipe cards and suggested the following ideas for hummus!

• Schmear for a bagel. Duh. We all know this.
• Use as a binder for a veggie burger- I never thought of this and will be experimenting in the kitchen with this soon!
• Salad dressing- I've seen bloggers talk about using this as a salad topping. You just thin with a vinaigrette or juice, toss into salad, and enjoy!
• Vegan Pasta sauce- Why haven't I thought of this? 
• French Fry Dip- of course I'll dip those taters in some Lilly's!

In addition to thanking Lilly's for this care package, I wanted to take a moment to thank my local food bank for having this hummus for me to try in the first place. You can find out more about Mother Hubbard's Cupboard by clicking on this link. Please consider donating. $1 buys 7# of food! So never underestimate what a difference a small donation can make. I donate what and when I can, because without this valuable resource, me and my family would be eating a lot of pb&j, which isn't a bad thing--it just gets boring for every meal. This food pantry helps a lot of people, and many patrons are those who are in the "in between" set--those who can't qualify for public assistance, but still cannot afford nutritious food after paying for basic expenses like housing and utilities. That's us! The other thing that is different about this food bank is that the patrons can shop and choose the food they take home rather than get set packages of food to use. There isn't a lot of paperwork to fill out and it is all based on the honor system. They offer cooking and gardening classes, something I've never heard of other food banks doing. I've written an article about me using the food bank and how it inspired me to start writing That Pain in the Ass Vegan.

Thanks so much to Lilly's and Mother Hubbard's Cupboard!

How I get things done

My life gets hectic, and I bet yours does too! I'm currently working mandatory overtime until February, and that's 50 hours a week. Yuck. M-F I don't have time to do anything but work, throw dinner together, kiss the kids, and go to bed. But on the weekends, I cook two big meals and portion them in tupperware so I have stuff to eat throughout the week.

I know what you're going to do. You'll go get Chinese and feel awful about it. That's because that stuff has a bunch of grease and msg your body doesn't need. Save yourself a couple of bucks and make your own at home! This tasty ensemble is beefless broccoli in a garlic black bean sauce over rice. Easy peasy. You mix about a cup of black beans with some teriyaki sauce and a couple cloves of garlic in your blender to get the sauce. Mix that with some shredded carrots, broccoli, and seitan for the best stir fry around town. Pour it over rice, and you have a powerhouse lunch to make those days at the factory or office a little more tolerable. You will want to have a breath mint or gum to use afterwards, because the dish will turn your tongue into a little dragon with breath funkier than George Clinton.

Chili Mac!

I made this with a Soy Kaas Cheddar block. They make both vegan and vegetarian cheese, and I got a free block of it. I did not like this cheese. It wasn't acidic at all, and needed some miso and vinegar to the mix to make it tang like a good cheddar cheese should. This would have been much better with Daiya or Teese.

So Chili Mac. My favorite. When I was little my aunt would make this with deer meat. Gross city! These days I make mine by mixing my favorite vegan chili with my some vegan mac n' cheese. It's a no brainer. For those of you contemplating veganism, you don't really need too many cookbooks in the beginning. Just go to the library and get some books for cryin' out loud, see what you like, and then make a purchasing decision. I started with Vegan with a Vengeance and that gave me the initiative to really dive into this thing. There's also so much out there on teh interwebz where you should never feel deprived of something you love eating. Vegan haggis or vegan Menudo? Ew. That might be your thing, though so don't be afraid to use that Google search engine.

Rebooted and Ready To Roll

Nice to be back. I usually take a week or so off after MOFO because my brain is fried from all the activity.

I warned you I'd be on with the sass, and it's on. No more Ms. Nice Gal. You wanna be vegan? I can help you. Give this a chance and you'll see how awesome your life can be. The next few posts will be about vegan cheeses and cheese inspired dishes to get you off the dairy-go-round.

So Fall is in full swing and that means comfortable and cozy Autumnal dishes. Back in my pregan days, the  favorite was broccoli, cheese, and chicken casserole, the legend dish of any church potluck. But then I went vegan and thought I could never have it again. Not so. One of the biggest excuses people have for not going vegan is this inexplicable love affair with cheese. I was in that boat too.

 Then I had kids and learned that cows have to be in lactation mode to make milk, Duh. And that means continuously being pregnant for about 4 years until becoming a pair of boots. When I breast fed both my babies, it was exhausting. I was never one of those dames that rocked pregnancy. It was awful. I couldn't imagine being pregnant over and over again like that just to make people milk, cheese, and ice cream. Fuck you. No thanks. And I haven't even touched on how much fun it is to have mastitis. Yeah, that's right. Cows get that too. There's more in that milk than just milk, kids.

So if you are a cheese addict, my tough love words to you are nut up and cut the cow out. Now. Don't wait. It's not the cheese you crave, it's the company. It's the fatty-salty-stretchy that can be achieved by using any of the vegan cheeses out there.

I made this casserole with cooked rice, Ms. Dash, Daiya cheddar shreds-on clearance for $2 a package, broccoli, and Gardein chick'n strips, which I found on clearance for $1.89 a package. Everything was ready in less than 45 minutes, including prep time. This is so easy to make and you'll hardly miss the real live cruel version after having this. But veganism is so expensive. Shut up. I'm sick of your excuses. The ingredients to make this are no more expensive than getting quality cuts of meat and cheese from an animal. You know what's REALLY expensive? A heart attack, cholesterol controlling medications, and going to see the doctor all the time because you feel like shit from all that dairy. I'm done hearing it. Just do it. Just quit. Now. Don't worry if you don't make the shift perfectly. I know you can do this. If I can do it, you can do it.

Cheese Insanity Replacements rated best in:

• Cost: galaxy nutritional foods vegan shreds
• Flavor: Daiya cheese, Teese
• Freezes well: Follow Your Heart cheese

Note all three freeze well. 

One I'm not so wild about:

• Cheesely
• Soya Kaas Vegan cheese

What I use when I don't want vegan cheese but want that cheese like flavor and fat:

• Avocados mashed and mixed with a little salt
• Hummus
• Nutritional yeast mixed with some salted cashews

Cookbooks to help you with your cheesly desires:
The Ultimate Uncheese Cookbook

Best vegan queso:
Food For Lovers Queso

Vegan cheese tips:

• Don't eat raw, it doesn't work and tastes gross.
• Use sparingly, some of the flavors are strong if you're not used to it.
• Try, try, and try again. Find one that you like and stick with it.
• Cost? Most brand names  have online coupons.

I love you. Stop making excuses. Go vegan.

Vegan MOFO Day #29: Using What You Have

 So what are they gonna do with all that canned and prepackaged food in prison? Make some seitan n' dumplings. It's super easy. You don't even need a recipe, right? Just make yourself some seitan stew using broth, veggies, and seitan. I like to thicken the mix with a little cornstarch so I have a nice thick stew. I used about 3T total for a 32 oz container of no-chicken broth. While the concoction is all nice and bubbly, plop your dumpling batter in the mix. Cook for 10 minutes covered, then another 10 minutes and you have a filling dinner.

Since I'm no recipe master, I used Bisquick-(accidentally vegan!) to make the dumplings.

Hoosier Scramble

What is under that pile of gravy? While the photo doesn't look appetizing-(hey, gravy shots rarely do), the contents are by golly: this is my take on the Village Deli's Hoosier Scramble. Their very un vegan version is toast smothered in scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage gravy, and cheese.

My version is toast with tofu scramble, hash browns, miso gravy, and topped with daiya. I served some fresh tomato slices along side this treat and ate the whole damn thing. Nice to have my appetite back.

Totally Egglessent, Get It?

Tofu scramble is a vegan right of passage. So is this tofu egg salad. And everyone and their vegan brother has their own awesome recipe, but I'm partial to my own. This was a favorite among my students when I taught a compassionate eating class at church. If you're feeling adventurous, give this one a try. I think this is best on toasted rye bread with fresh tomato slices.


You'll need:

• 1 pkg super firm tofu-(NOT IN THE ASEPTIC PACKAGE!) pressed and set aside.
• 1/4 c. vegan mayo
• 1/4 c. vegan sour cream
• 1/3 c. nutritional yeast
• 1/8 c. prepared mustard
• 1T  prepared horseradish-(look for veganness! some have egg yolks in them, blech.)
• 1T fresh chives or 1/2T dried
• 1/4 c. fresh parsley
• 1T fresh chopped dill-- FRESH!
• bragg's liquid aminos to taste
• black pepper to taste
• 2t onion powder
• 1/2T ms. dash table blend
• 1t garlic powder
• 2t celery flakes or 1/4 c. chopped celery

Squish your tofu by hand and mix all other ingredients in with a spoon. Let sit in the fridge for at least an hour or so to let the flavors meld.  Feel free to add more vegan mayo if  you want, but the herbs do a good job of amping the flavor of everything else.

How to Keep People from Stealing Your Precious Food

I know this isn't the best advertising for veganism, because let's face it--I don't cook shitty food. My meals are delicious. So delicious, that I have noticed people stealing things once in a blue moon. This makes me sad because there's not much I can eat at work and I end up sulking while eating a stale pb&j wondering what the hell happened to my meal. Why do people do that? Out of curiosity? Out of spite? Who the heck knows. If you have a thief in the office, protect your precious noshlings by clearly labeling it as vegan. It's an instant security button. No omni in their right mind will take it, and you can eat your meal in peace.

Salsa Time!

This is my annual entry about tomato harvesting season. It's a re-run of sorts, because I include my recipe for my infamous ass of fire salsa recipe for you to try. It's really good, entered in a couple of salsa contests, and I've lost to a number of questionable salsa-istas that are not as good. I'll say it, I'm biased. Plus, my bowl was empty at the tasting table, so I know others think it's pretty good.

This year was another one for shitty hot weather season with little rain. I had a pretty good haul, and could have had a better one if I had more time and energy to tend to the garden. Oh well, what can I do? Toms love warm weather, but when it gets above 90 degrees, plants tend to shut down and you end up with the whole split fruit scenario, sun scalding, and blossom end rot-(BER). I was lucky enough to not have to deal with that, but I did get some fruit splitting and scalding, which ruins tomatoes.

So I've given some away, made sauce, and oven dried some. I used to think one needed a dehydrator to do that, but seriously, just cut toms into 1/4 inch slices on parchment paper and put on a cookie sheet in the oven at 150 or your lowest setting. Sleep, mop the floor, watch all seasons of Breaking Bad, and boom! You have sun dried quality tomatoes in about 6-9 hours, depending on your oven and how well you sliced your tomatoes. Cherry tomatoes halved make the best sun dried treats.

Pick some tomatoes, or get them at the farmer's market--and make this salsa!

Jewbacca's Ass of Fire Salsa

• 1-2 lbs of heirloom tomatoes--I really prefer Gold Medal, Big Boy, or Brandywine.
• 2T of red onion, finely chopped
• 1T Ms. Dash chipotle flavor
• 2t lime juice
• 1T olive oil
• 1/2 c. chopped fresh cilantro, less if you want. dried can be used here, but you're just cheating yourself. Seriously, it's 99cents a bunch on the off season.
• 2 jalapeno or serrano chiles (serrano peppers make this hotter!) de-seeded and de-membraned *in a pinch i've used chopped pickled jalapenos, about 1/4 c. worth
• 1/2 t cumin
• 1/4 t chili powder
• 1/4 t cinnamon-(YES cinnamon)
• 1 t of dried garlic, or one clove of fresh-finely chopped
• 1/2 t salt or 1 t of bragg's liquid aminos
• a few splashes of Frank's or your favorite hot sauce

Wash and chop those 'maters, draining off excess tomato juice. Psst, save the juice for another recipe! Add all other ingredients together and store in the fridge for 3 days. If you have any left after that time, shame on you. No--seriously throw it in the freezer and use it later for Spanish rice or an enchilada casserole.

Test Kitchen: Fried Green Tomatoes

I'm still working this recipe for fried green tomatoes. A couple weeks ago, I had a ton of them, and they're still coming in by the bag full! They weren't bad, but they weren't what I imagined them to be. Most of the time, one can fry just about anything and it turns out awesome, but not so with these. I used flax seed as the egg to dredge the slices in and the sticking power lacked. So back to the drawing board. Once I have them just the way I want them, I'll add them to my 2012 MOFO theme. So there, readers--there's a hint for you. Fried green tomatoes, and no I'm not doing a theme on Fannie Flagg.

I'm also messing around with a recipe for a dipping sauce for the tomatoes. It's a base of veganaise, tofutti sour supreme, basil, sun-dried tomato, and regular tomato. I did not photograph it because it looked kind of gross, but it was tasty. It just didn't have the punch I was looking for, so I will also be dinking around with that as well. What sounds better to you, a basil based dipping sauce, or a garlic dill sauce?

Secret to a Perfect Smoothie

During my lack of appetite, I followed the smoothie suggestion by a number of readers. I made a batch last night for dinner and forgot how much I like to make and eat them. I've been told that I need to open my own smoothie cart on the B-line trail, because they're so good. Sheesh.
About smoothie science, they're such no-brainers, right? Wrong. If you don't know your stuff, you can end up with a cup of barf. And I'm not into drinking that stuff. I took these photos as I finished my magical concoction and could kick myself for not thinking of taking one earlier when it was thicker and prettier. Oh well. look at the pictures from an art perspective I guess. Look at the shapes, shades, colors, negative, and positive space. Boo-yah.

I don't measure, I eyeball, and that is my success story for a perfect smoothie. Here's what I threw in the blender. I had enough for 2.5 servings.

• 1/2 c. Biotta beet juice
• 1 c. apple juice
• 1 c. so delicious cultured coconut milk, vanilla flavor
• about 5-6 c. frozen fruit: kiwis, bananas, mangoes
• 1/2 c. blueberries

I blended it and it was the most amazing color ever. I so love that Biotta juice. Perfect berry punch. Here are some things that will make a smoothie fail, so take heed:

Don't use-

• Water- duh. Well, DUH.
• Ice-EVER. I don't trust people who ice their smoothies. They taste like shit. Freeze your fruit or yogurt in an ice cube tray instead. Ice is the killer of good smoothies. Just don't fucking do it.
• Disproportionate amounts of veggies to fruits, it's a careful balance. Example, I would never use more than a cup of spinach or kale in a smoothie if I did that sort of thing.
• Too much soy milk, you'll kill the fruit flavor.
• Too much melon. again, use a 1/3+1/3+1/3 part. Example 2c. kiwi, 2c banana, 2c mango.

Do use-

• juice-apple works best
• veggie juice in small amounts: 1/2 c. beet or carrot juice is nice and packs a vitamin punch. I wouldn't use V-8 unless I were doing a savory smoothie.
• non dairy milk, about twice the amount of your veggie juice blend
• companion fruits: berry/melon, peach/banana, stone fruit only, berry only, 
• peanut butter with a berry blend=liquid pb&j...oh so good!

Tell me about your favorite smoothie blend!

Ain't No Party Like a Cookie Party, 'Cause a Cookie Party Don't Stop

 Here's just a sampling of the cookies I made for my own going away party. Yes, I throw my own going away party parties because that's how I roll. Turns out, I'm moving after all. Are you ready for me, Kalamazoo? Pictured above are the chocolate mint wafer cookies from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur. I like to omit the cocoa in the actual cookie dough because I think they are pretty rich, so I save the chocolate BOOM for the coating. I also add a little peppermint extract to the coating for an extra peppermint kiss.

The middle photo are said cookies nekkid. I also made them gluten free by using a half blend quinoa and spelt flour and 1.5 t of xanthan gum. Don't forget that xanny, because it keeps GF cookies from crumbling to bits. The result are a nice crisp cookie. I haven't perfected GF softies just yet.

And for my old standby: the cheater cho chip wonder. Duncan Hines cake mixes, not all but most are accidentally vegan. Just sub a flax seed egg for the traditional hen egg, 1/4 c. canola oil, and 2 cap full of soy milk. That gives you PERFECT dough. Roll dough into balls, flatten with the palm of your hand and plant them with chips of your choice. Kroger Private Selection Organic Chocolate Chips are vegan. I personally like a chip in each bite, so I like to plant them in by hand as opposed to adding 3/4 c. of chips only to have 1 cookie with 999 chips and the rest with two a piece.

At 350 for exactly 10 minutes will give you the perfect soft batch cookie. So if you're pressed for time, go ahead, throw together some semi-homemade goodness. Your friends will never know unless you tell them.

On The Road Salad

It's that time of year: salad season! This salad ain't the prettiest of the ball, but it sure is tasty. And guess what else? You can throw this together no matter where you are, so long as you have a grocery store near by. I work in a group home where meat is on the menu every single day, three times a day. I've found a way to make some sides vegan so I can eat at the table with everyone else. I called this On The Road to note the portability of this little number-(hey ho my traveling salespeople vegans!), but also for our On The Couch Alcoholic buddy, Jack Kerouac. 

On The Road Salad

• 1 pkg salad mix-(get greener if you can. All we had was -ack- iceberg mix)
• 1 red pepper, chopped to bits
• 1 c. cauliflower, chopped to bits
• 1 c. shredded carrots
• 1 c. bread crumbs-(check those labels for milk and eggs!) I make my own.
• 1/2 c. sunflower seeds
• 1/2 to 3/4 c. balsamic vinegar dressing

Mix everything together and enjoy. This doesn't store so well, so make sure to have seconds if you can. This is a nice salad to go with a meal of vegan bbq ribs and a baked potato.

And what about dessert? Well, this one isn't travel friendly unless you're crashing at one of them there hotel suites with a kitchenette. The crust from this recipe is from The Ultimate Uncheese Cookbook by Jo Stepaniak. I personally didn't like the crust recipe, so I'd recommend some other recipe. The filling is a snap!

Your choice of pie crust

Filling

• 1 c. sugar
• 4 kiwi fruits, peeled
• 1 c. water
• 1 T potato or corn starch
• 1 T lemon juice

Topping

• Sliced kiwis
• Sliced strawberries

Puree filling in a blender and boil until thick. Fill pie shell with the filling, then set in the fridge for a few hours. Top with sliced fresh fruit and wow your friends. There will be leftover filling, and that makes a great topping for ice cream, especially strawberry!

Pudgy Pie Friday, I'm in Love!

Okay, well it's not Friday just yet. But it probably will be by the time you read this. My computer decided to give me some problems, so I took a break from blogging. I missed all of you profoundly.

Man, what an amazing thing my little sammich maker is. I would like to say that I bought it, but that's a lie. I liberated it from my last place of work at the garden store because no one loved it at all. It was lonely and cried to me on a daily basis for me to take it home with me and adopt it. Done and done! I was able to take perfectly useless white bread, Earth Balance, and some blueberry pie filling to make this gnawesome pudgy pie.

What, you say? Don't bum me out by telling me you don't know what the fuck a pudgy pie is! It's a camp comfort food. You can buy special irons to roast over fire pits and make a sammich filled with anything you like, or you can cheat and use a snackmaster sandwich maker by some X appliance company. The campfire ones are better, but I don't have time to camp, not right now anyway.

• Grab two pieces of your favorite bread
• Get a couple T's of vegan butter
• Get some pie filling, or the sweet filling of your choice

Grill, baby grill! It'll be a disco inferno in your mouth. You might want to let stuff cool a bit, so you can keep your precious tongue. Oooh, I have a late idea! Top that baby with some vegan vanilla ice cream. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Imagine the possibilities:
Cinnamon swirl bread with peach or apple pie filling
Brioche with vegan cream cheese and apricots
White bread with pumpkin pie filling and chocolate chips
Wheat bread with a dates, apples, and walnuts
Peanut butter and jelly!
What about a s'mores pudgy pie?

Tell me about your pudgy pie fantasy...

Beans, Beans, the Magical Chip--The More You Eat...

I'm tellin' you, the blogging is paying off. Why? A representative from Beanfields asked me if I wanted to give their product line a try. I was curious. They did receive a swanky award from Veg News, but I could care less about that. I just wanted to expand my vegan snack chip horizons.

 I love rice and beans already, but in chip form? Of course. Most things in chip form are pretty dang good. So don't get too frustrated with other bloggers that get care packages from other companies, because if you keep putting yourself out there like I do, people will approach you. I used to get really down on myself about not being good or cool enough for the vegan blogging world. Once I relaxed, miracles started to happen. I know, I know--kind of schmaltzy stuff but oh so true.

So of course I wanted to try the chips. I was banking on a single bag of chips, but I got this motherload of a sample platter: Nacho Bean & Rice, Pico De Gallo, and Sea Salt and pepper. I love them all. Guess what? You don't need to dip these in anything. You can if you want to, but I'm fine with these as is. You read that right. The Queen of Stacking Stuff on Chips says to put that stuff away.

The sea salt and pepper ones could be ground up and used as a mean breading for baked tofu. My favorite was the pico de gallo. The nacho cheese ones had a slightly noochy buttery taste and I found to be much better than that one chip made by a major snack food company that I can eat in one sitting. You know, that company that rhymes with Neato Way. I don't think I'll be buying that corporations products any more, even if they are accidentally vegan. I'd much rather make with the snacky face with Benfields &Co. Not to mention these chips have more flavor and nutritional value. Next person who asks me where do I get my protein, I'll just say snack chips and watch them furrow their brow.

Thanks to Beanfields for the hook up of super flavorful snacks! You get The Official That Pain in the Ass Vegan approval, two turntables and a microphone.

Might as Well Face It, I'm Addicted to Owls...

 I am an Owlery junkie. It's official. They've been re-opened at their new downtown location for slightly less than a month now and I've been there 3 times. This pic is from my recent unofficial Indiana Post Punk Kitchen meet-up. I'm going to use everyone's user names on the forum, so please don't think these people have really weird names. Featured above is Abstract Nonsense's brunch plate of scramble, hashbrowns, TVP sausage, toast, and some fresh pineapple. That was my first time meeting him and I think he's really neat, and oh-so-nerdy in such an adorable way.

 Here's my jaw breaker: farm bread housing tofu scramble, tofu bacon, tvp sausage, lettuce, daiya cheese, tomato, and veganaise. Yep, I ate the whole thing. THE WHOLE THING!

 Same thing, on a biscuit. Skinny Daisy likes biscuits.

 Quark is a biscuit and gravy gal. She said this was really good: biscuits, mushroom gravy, and TVP sausage with a side of home fries to the right.

 

Vegans are so SEXY! Left to right, Flounder, Sarahclaire, Skinny Daisy, me, and Abstract Nonsense

 

Now I have at least four or five new crushes. Quark is positively gorgeous!

You can find out more about The Owlery right hizzere.

Berry Whites

So I know these strawberries don't look so sensual. What's going on there? Don't knock it until you try it.
This here is my own concoction and saving grace from eating an entire pie. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I gots to be careful of that stuff and moderate my sugar intake. No problem!

So here's how you make these Berry Whites...get it Barry White? He would rise from the grave to nosh on one of these.

You'll need:

4 Large strawberries BIG ONES. ZOMG! The more ginormous, the better

2T Justin's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter

1/3 cup of Cracklin Oat Bran Cereal and one single coffee bean, run through the coffee mill and set aside. Really, any vegan cereal will do. I just like me some COB.

• Wash and pat dry the berries. Set aside.
• Prepare your Cracklin' Oat Bran Dust. Set aside in a shallow dish.
• Make an assembly line near the pot: strawberries, pan, dish of cereal, wax paper.
• Heat the JNB on super low heat on a non stick skillet or pan. Stir constantly. Watch that butter!
• Lightly brush or roll each berry in melted JNB. 
• Roll each berry IMMEDIATELY in the pulverized cereal.
• Set on wax paper. 
• Stick in fridge.
• Eat once cooled. 
• Impress your friends.
• You're welcome.

Sorry, I've Been Abducted by Aliens

Here's a shot of the Magic Bar Cookie Pancakes from the long long ago!  NOTE: the Kroger Valu Brand Chocolate Chips are not vegan. Boooooo! They changed their formula a year or so ago and I'm pissed. Have no fear: Private Selection Organic Semi-Sweet Chips as well as 60% Cocoa Baking Chunks are vegan and have the obligatory blurb about being produced on shared equipment.

Dearest Readers,

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted. I've seemed to have a ton of things going on in the past year that has thrown a monkey wrench in doing what I love...blogging! Well, I say no more to being overworked. I'm back, that's that, and I'll be doing my thing more often. Where was I?

I'd rather not talk about it. To squelch any blogging rumors, I am still very much vegan. I have not had a fall from vegan grace. Human grace perhaps, but I've dusted my butt off and am moving on. I appreciate any fan letters and thoughts of encouragement during my difficult time. My life needs a magic cookie bar pancake right about now, but I need to watch my sugar intake. I've had some medical issues arise where I now take a medication that automatically raises my blood sugar, so I'm actually having to rethink how I eat. Yay?

Included with my real life difficulties are technical ones. I just returned from an awesome trip up north to my old stompin' grounds of Kalamazoo. Guess what? Vegan pancakes and burgers to be found at the Studio Grill. Took pics and everything. Met the chef and he is gnawdorable and oh-so-kind. The staff are amazingballs.  It is my luck that the damned photos will not load, so I'm working with tech support on the problem. Fun, right?

So I'll save the high holy praises for that place once I can post the pics. Just know that if you live in the Kzoo area or are from D-Twat and looking for a great day trip, get to The Studio Grill on W. Michigan (near the corner of Michigan and Church St. downtown) and get yo'self some of that pancakey goodness. They are life changers. They have plenty of soymilk on hand for your coffee.

Star of Gravyd

So what's a Jewish Vegan Gal supposed to do during Passover? For me, not anything incredibly different. Last year I had a "Tater Seder" which is a really cheap way to host a seder and keep everything K for P.

Since I quit going to temple and am now partying with the UU posse, I've reexamined my attitude towards the holiday. I won't get into those details because this is a food blog and I don't really want to digress from the primary purpose of eating well and havin' fun.

For those of you who are Pesach clueless, here's the story in a nutshell: Jews left Egypt to escape slavery and didn't have enough time to let their bread rise, so it apparently looked like a giant saltine cracker, only less tasty. Matzah meal was also fed to the Israelites because it was filling and cheap gruel to give to the slaves. So the eating of matzah has a couple of different meanings: urgency to escape oppression and what it means to be fed something sub standard.

I took this year's matzah and gave it a makeover. Readers, I give you...
The Star of Gravyd!

Jewish cooking isn't horribly complicated. Most of the time if you throw something on top of matzah or a bagel, that's good enough. Take two matzohs and overlap them into a Magen David shape. Got it? Good.
Top with steamed kale, vegan sausage gravy, home fries, and a little hot sauce. This is Hoosier fare meets Matzoh. Is it good? Well if you put enough stuff on matzah, sure. Gravy makes everything better, duh.

I'm not gonna tell you how to make gravy, because how you make yours is probably better than mine. All gravy is composed of some sort of liquid fat, protein source, salt, pepper, a little stock, and a few tablespoons of flour. Am I right or what?

Kale is different. You can steam it or cook the crap out of it, but it's much better if you do this with it:

Baconless Kale

1 bunch of kale, washed and cut into small pieces
1/4 c. fakin' bacon bitz, set aside
1/4 c. canola oil, set aside
a little Bragg's Liquid Aminos

Steam that kale, but don't let it get mushy. Drain and set aside in a larger pan. In the mean time, heat the oil in a small pan and add the bacon bitz, stirring until fragrant. You really want that oil to absorb the smoky imitation bacon flavor. Strain and add this grease to your kale. Use a few squirts of Bragg's and add a little hot sauce. Stir in the pot for just a few minutes. Viola.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Chocolate Moose!

DUDE, it's fuckin' ICE CREAM. VEGAN. And looksie, they're gonna serve 'em up on WAFFLES at the Bloomington Farmer's Market. How cool is that? The destination is the Chocolate Moose. It has been around forever and they finally got with the program and started catering to us veg-heads. Uh and HUH.
As Outkast would say, "..ice cold." Alrightalrightalright. Strawberry flavor is the bomb. REAL STRAWBERRIES.
Not everyone in this line was waiting for the coveted vegan treat, but it sure is awesome that there's an option for vegan ice cream that's locally made. They sell it by the pint at Bloomingfoods too! Last but not least, they carry almond milk and vegan mix ins for a VEGAN BLIZZARD. Who says you have to eat dirt n' twigs? Not me. Otherwise, I'd have never made this choice.

It has been hard to blog lately because of my new work schedule. I spend more time at work than I do with my children, which is heart breaking but a wonderful reality of being a wage-slave American. Thank goodness there's stuff like this to make life a little more sweet.

Another thing that makes life super-dee-duper awesome is all my bloggin' has started a small cult following. I had the pleasure of meeting Gena from Choosing Raw, at and she asked me to write a guest article for her. Vida Vegan Con .You can read it here!