Runnin' With the Devil

Check that shit out! Awwww yeah.

Hey readers, have you missed me? Yeah, I hear you. I have a new job with a metric buttload of responsibilities and I'm super surprised I have enough time to do anything but eat, sleep, and work. I've been leaning on convenience and comfort foods, like nachos and the infamous diablo dog. In July, that little number will be three years old--isn't that awesome? Since the release of that masterpiece, I've influenced many a vegan and omni to try the said delicacy. Don't thank me, thank Amy Sedaris. It was her character in Strangers With Candy that inspired the whole thing. Don't go stingy on the bacon bitz.
Just look at that: grilled vegan dogs topped with vegan chili, diablo sauce, tomatoes, onions, horseradish, chopped jalapenos, and pickles. If I were a beer drinker, I'd probably want a Corona with lime, but I'll stick to a cold ginger ale instead. That way I won't get arrested.

I've perfected my diablo sauce, so please give it a try and let me know what you think!

Diablo Sauce 2012

You'll need

• 1 c. Daiya Cheddar shreds
• 1/2 c. non dairy milk
• 3 T vegan cream cheese
• 2T chopped jalapenos PICKLED, y'know the kind in a jar
  
• 1T vegan butter or canola oil
• 1 big assed clove o' garlic, finely chopped
• 1/4 c. roasted jalapenos
• a couple of drops of liquid smoke
• 1 t. Ms. Dash spicy blend OR chipotle lime flavor
  
• salt to taste
• about a T of flour at the end to thicken

Saute your garlic in the oil, then add your pickled and roasted jalapenos. Add the cheeses, and stir on medium heat until melty. You may need to add splashes of milk if the sauce is too thick. Don't be a fool and have the heat turned up too high, or you'll just end up with a giant wad of what looks like orange jalapeno chewing gum. Add your spices and keep stirring. Throw the flour in at the very end. You should have a nice cheesy gravy that is reminiscent of that shit you get out of a pump at 7-11, only much better.

How do you roast a jalapeno? Simple. Oven=350. Fresh jalapenos, about 6-8 of them. Rinse the peppers off. Now rub a little oil into the skins. Fill a baking dish with just a smidgen of water. Throw the peppers in the pan. Bake for 10 mins, check and turn. Bake for another. They should puff up as if they were going to explode. They'll collapse when you take them out of the oven. Once cooled remove the seeds, some of the skin, and the stems--GLOVED HANDS, people! Gloved hands. Capsaicin never takes a day off. Chop these up and use as a condiment or a mix in for that heat lover in your life.

MOFO Day#23 True Grub: Favorite Entry?

We interrupt this MOFO Blog with a Voodoo Black Bean Pesto Pizza followed by a question.

It's not that I'm running out of ideas--boy howdy, I have 'em. I'm just running out of time. I'm a multitasking fool and instead of sitting in my underwear blogging, I've been at work all day. Thank goodness Miss Jeanette brought me this pizza. I don't care if she is just a clerk at the local drug store. This lady can make a pie that will make you feel like you've died and been reborn as someone way cooler.

This cilantro pesto paste recipe is here, although it lacks measurements because I honestly just throw a bunch of shit in a blender and it turns out right every time. If you want your pesto to have a little kick, throw a half cup of fresh arugula and a jalapeno in with the mixture.

I utilized pre-made pizza crust from Aver's ( a little over $2.50 for a ball of ready to bake dough). I piled on some black beans, shredded carrots, roasted zucchini, and cherry tomatoes. Finger lickin' good and magical.


So tell me PITA Vegan readers, what has been your favorite True Grub entry so far? Are you prepared for an excellent last week?

Hang on to your spines. That's all I'm gonna say.

Jamaican me crazy!

Hey mon, you know what I could really go for? Marinated seitan that makes me hum Bob Marley tunes and served with a gloriously fruity salsa. Hot-salty-sweet-fruity-meaty-seitany goodness. Throw that on a bun and call it a day, why don't you?

You were supposed to read that with an accent, btw.

This is called the Jamaican Dip, but I'd rather call it the Sister Cleo. You'll be predicting the future and charging people $5.99 a minute just to talk to you after eating one. I hope your interest in Celine and Tami's upcoming sandwich cookbook is growing, because I keep testing like a testing fool.

Don't forget vegan MOFO is next month. And boy howdy, do I have a theme for your eyeballs.


Sorry I'm not funnier today. I've been sick the past two days and both kids are ill as well. I'll bring the buckets of chuckles later.