I Can See Your Peanut Butter Pillows

Now, wouldn't the epic thriller Carrie have been more of a heart touching tale of overcoming adversity if her mother had simply made a plate of Peanut Butter Pillows from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar instead of letting her go to the prom? Think about it, she would have taken a couple of bites, said to her momma,

"You know what? Screw those bullies. In 20 years they'll be washed out and still living here in Anytown. I'm gonna use my telekinesis to bank big in Vegas. You can stay here and read the bible. Keep making awesome cookies, ma."

You wouldn't have to see the buckets of blood or fire. Instead you'd just see Sissy Spacek rolling around in hundreds on her bed from Circus Circus. Her mom would decide to start going to Buddhist retreats, and everything would be dandy.

That's how awesome these cookies are.

20 days of cookies begins TODAY

Instead of an advent calendar, I thought I'd talk about cookies until X-Mas. Sure, I blog about cookies every other day, and sure I'm a little late on that whole advent calendar thingy, but hopefully these posts will inspire you to make a totally tricked out plate for Santy Claus, Channukah Harry, Kwanzaa Keenan, or Solstice Sandy. All of the supernatural holiday heroes like to have a gigantic plate of cookies while engaging in their respective duties. They also like to get presents from people. For instance, I was telling ol' St. Nick that my son has been pushing his agenda for a Play Doh Fun Factory, and he told me how bad he wanted Kelly Peloza's The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur.

These are the Peanut Ginger Sesame Cookies from Veganomicon. This is the perfect cookie at the end of an Asian inspired meal. I won't lie to you, there are no fortunes inside these babies; however, you'll feel magical enough to make your own dreams come true. Really, has anyone ever benefited from a fortune from one of those cookies? I didn't think so.

When faced with non-vegan breakfast...

I no longer pine for what the omnis are eating or get jealous over their food. Nope. My many suggestions to Sweetwater's Donuts-(yep, that's how they spell it) to carry a vegan line have fallen on deaf ears, and whenever my buddies from MI come to visit us, they bring a box of joy with them. I'm tellin' you, SW doughnuts are awesome.

You know what would be REALLY RAD? If my gaggle of vegan foodies and omni reading fans went to the website and suggested en masse that the Stadium Drive location start carrying a vegan line. Emphasize that veg heads from a tri state area would likely stampede for one. If they need an example you can always tell them about Voodoo Doughnuts being profitable for offering the vegan option. So click on the link in the first paragraph, and contact them with the suggestion. DO IT! Do you hear me, Mindy?

The sandwich shown above is my response to that box of doughnuts whispering, It's okay Jen. The vegan police don't have to know. Eat one.

The problem is I KNOW. What is it I'm craving? Crunchy? Buttery? Sweet? Chocolatey? Well, If I grill me a sammich with chocolate chips, peanut butter, and a few banana slices I have better than a doughnut. I have a Knownut.

MOFO Day #31: SEASON FINALE Give Your Heart To Eric

First of all, I LOVED reading everyone's epic kitchen fail stories. It was a tough call to make, and I chose Beth and her bombed beer bread brick. Beth, send your information to noexcusesprivatechef@gmail.com. There's nothing worse than trying to win a crush over with food, gross them out, and have them laugh at you. It's much like a vampire ripping your heart out and slurping on it like a juice box.

Which brings me to the MOFO 2011 Season Finale of True Grub. If I were a vampire, I would never bite anyone's neck, I'd only do 'em in this way. The whole thing was so awesome I watched it over and over a few times. I was on a crusade for the rest of the month to think of how I could recreate a vegan heart and give it to myself for Halloween.
An apple a day! Get a big one. REALLY BIG!

Core out the middle and scoop out the seeds. I imagine a melon baller would be great, but all I had was a knife and spoon.

Hmmmm--will this work? This was starting to look like a fail. I have a degree in art. Surely I should be able to make a human heart out of an apple. Think, Jen--THINK!
Think outside the apple: I made a mixture of vegan graham cracker crumbs, food coloring, peanut butter, POM juice and a banana. The results were so badass, Alan Ball called me and asked me to quit my job at the garden center and work as a writer/special effects assistant.
Coming together nicely, ain't it? I soaked some dried cherries in warm water and rolled them like a snake to get my dark red veins.
Crude, yes. Think about it--have you ever seen a heart look all nice and neat when pulled out of someone's chest? I didn't think so. I filled the apple with the remaining POM juice.

It was so tasty! Substantial snack and drink all at once. Happy Halloween, y'all and thanks for reading this month. Looks like we raised $20 for the animal shelter and food bank. Will I ever give up on my million hit goal during MOFO? Never. It's good to aim high. It forces one to reach out to others and ask for help because no one can do huge things alone unless you're a vampire, and True Blood has shown that doesn't always work for the undead.

I hope you enjoyed yourselves, squirmed some, had a few laughs, and realized that being vegan is a ton of fun.

Foodgasm!

Don't tell me: you just got dumped, you didn't get that promotion, and you didn't win the lottery. All hope seems lost. There-there, sit for a spell and have one of Aunt Tami and Celine's tasty peanut butter n' brownie sandwiches. Here's a cold glass of almond milk to wash it down real good. Feel better?

Photo by Kelly Peloza

So yeah, I basically made this face after I took a bite of that tester cookie. That's the contorting face of a joyous foodgasm. Want the recipe? Too bad, you'll have to wait until it comes out on teh interwebz. It's a cookbook full of nuthin' but sammiches: open faced, closed faced, stuffed, and dessertified.
This is the cookie you have when you want to give up on everything, when Aunt Flo comes to visit, or have some sort of event that can only be healed with the salve of something decadent. Don't worry about going off the deep end either, one cookie takes care of your ills. Thanks for reading, I'm gonna take a nap.

Photo by Kelly Peloza