day#15: the brazilian blowout

today's title sounds like a beauty shop procedure gone bad, right? can you imagine someone calling into work and saying, "sorry can't come in today, i got a case of the brazilian blowout". sorry, i have a 14 year old boy that lives in my head that thinks everything is a dirty joke. ahhh, good times! it's really a hair straightening product, that i'm sure has enough chemicals to kill a small village. i don't think i'm going out on a limb by saying that it probably has been tested on numerous warrens of wabbits too. in addition to being sad, that always strikes me as odd--how is bunny hair anywhere similar to human hair? sheesh.
well this brazilian blowout is dedicated to a firecracker known as torque on the ppk. she expressed wanting a spicy noodle dish served preferably on fire. sorry babe, i'm lacking in the pyrotechnics department. i made something else that's pretty dang spicy just for you! it'll make you feel like your taste buds are on fire!
tell me, is there anything more adorable than a chickpea? sure there is, but for my sake pretend that you agree.

i call this chile de fogo-(fogo is fire in portugese). this is a cinch to put together-- think your traditional white bean chili with a little kick. i thought this was adequately spicy, but mr. j told me it was too much. what a wuss. this recipe could use some testing, so please try it and gimme some feedback if you still have a tongue.

chile de fogo-GLUTEN FREE!

1 can garbanzos-(drained and rinsed! don't make me preach the gospel of that nasty bean juice) i personally make a large crock pot of 'em, portion them in 2 c servings, and store 'em in the freezer.

• 1 c. pureed yellow tomatoes- i used gold medal from my garden.
• 1/2 c. water
• 1 t salt
• 1 t cumin
• 1/4 t chili powder
• 3/4 c roasted butternut squash (roasted in cubes). tip: roast this the night before. you could also use cooked carrots or any yellow vegetable instead.
• 3/4 t cayenne pepper-( i think i added more than this. use less if you don't like spice)
• 2 finely chopped jalapenos
• 1 small chopped onion
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1T EB
• pinch of cinnamon
• 1/2 can coconut milk

saute onion, jalapeno, and garlic in the EB-you can use olive oil if you want. add coconut milk, pureed tomatoes, water, spices, and beans and simmer on med heat for about 15 minutes. i dressed mine up with soy sour cream and some frank's red hot. if i had this to do all over again, i would have thrown some chopped fresh cilantro in the chili. a sliced lime would be nice on the side too, i suppose. seitan would be good in this, but that would no longer make the recipe GF.

day#14: speed up, losers. those are nacho chips, my chips!

since going vegan, i lean a little towards the excessive in the most positive way! what started out to be a simple craving for some chips and salsa turned into this magical basket of nachos:
this shall be called the inflexitarian supreme, named for mr. footface. ol' footy has this thing about wanting losers to speed up, and i'm certain he's a whirling dervish of fists and elbows hollerin' the what fors and the what-have-yous to anyone who will listen. when he's not posting odd photos in the foyer, being an amazing dad to his son OP, a cool spouse to ms. footface, managing his blog, or editing really rad books, i'm sure he's eating a big bowl of nachos. he has the time, fer sure. fun fact: this is snack is gluten free!

to throw this concoction together here's whatchoo need:

• tortilla chips
• can of red kidney beans*-(RINSE 'EM, damnit! that sodium laced bean juice is gross)
• 1c. of salsa of your choice
• 1T of ms. dash chipotle
• 1T of your favorite hot sauce
• soy sour cream*
• black olives

*=read labels and look out for those pesky gluten type ingredients. some beans are soaked in a sugary wheat sauce. yes, you heard me correctly. wheat sauce. ick.

daiya cheese sauce is made by melting 1/2 c. daiya cheddar with a little EB and splashes of soy milk over med-low heat. this sauce reminds me of the vat of cheez sauce served at 7-11 stores across the country, a little bland. i don't know how to fix that. maybe some nooch? hurry up, though because your tummy is growling, right? throw some chopped pickled jalapenos in there if you feel like livin' on the edge.

i don't think nacho assembly instructions are needed because everyone should know how to do this. just make it look like the photo. that's 50% of cooking in a nutshell.

day#13 THE PANDACOOKIE

no, it ain't made of pandas--that wouldn't be vegan. nope, doesn't look like a panda either. that would just be too obvious.
this is for the ever amazing pandacookie. if my memory serves me correctly, no one can get thrown out of airports or barnes and nobles like she can. she has this way of bringing out the best in vegans and the worst in store clerks i guess. she's also an awesome craftatarian. go buy her stuff for that special someone this holiday. you won't be sorry! so let's talk about this cookie: what's in it? well, i miss peanut butter twix bars. i'm not even sure if panda likes them or not, i just took a wild guess. i believe with my heart of hearts that she would make something like this.
to assemble the pandacookie, you need the following:

• 1 recipe of the pie plate shortbread from vegan cookies invade your cookie jar. while they're still cooling cut them into thin bars.
  

• once cooled cover, ice them with a strip of peanut butter frosting. to make frosting use 3T Earth Balance melted, 1/2 c powdered vegan sugar, 1.5T peanut butter, and a splash of milk. you might have to add more stuff to make more frosting. these are approximate measurements. i pretty much am guilty of the eyeballing thing, which works 97% of the time for me.

• melt yourself some vegan chocolate chips and slather the bar with frosting. set in fridge to cool. be patient. serve with your favorite ice cold non-dairy beverage or cup of coffee. feel the panda cookie.

don't be surprised if you write a rap or two.

the MOFO recap, week #2:

• cold n' sleepy candy apple waffles
• the juggamoh burger
• annie eggplant loaf with VTT lac-taters
• oops i did it again sundae
• adamcrisis fridgey feng shui

this week at the PPK cafe:
special stuff for you gluten free folks!