Runnin' With the Devil

Check that shit out! Awwww yeah.

Hey readers, have you missed me? Yeah, I hear you. I have a new job with a metric buttload of responsibilities and I'm super surprised I have enough time to do anything but eat, sleep, and work. I've been leaning on convenience and comfort foods, like nachos and the infamous diablo dog. In July, that little number will be three years old--isn't that awesome? Since the release of that masterpiece, I've influenced many a vegan and omni to try the said delicacy. Don't thank me, thank Amy Sedaris. It was her character in Strangers With Candy that inspired the whole thing. Don't go stingy on the bacon bitz.
Just look at that: grilled vegan dogs topped with vegan chili, diablo sauce, tomatoes, onions, horseradish, chopped jalapenos, and pickles. If I were a beer drinker, I'd probably want a Corona with lime, but I'll stick to a cold ginger ale instead. That way I won't get arrested.

I've perfected my diablo sauce, so please give it a try and let me know what you think!

Diablo Sauce 2012

You'll need

• 1 c. Daiya Cheddar shreds
• 1/2 c. non dairy milk
• 3 T vegan cream cheese
• 2T chopped jalapenos PICKLED, y'know the kind in a jar
  
• 1T vegan butter or canola oil
• 1 big assed clove o' garlic, finely chopped
• 1/4 c. roasted jalapenos
• a couple of drops of liquid smoke
• 1 t. Ms. Dash spicy blend OR chipotle lime flavor
  
• salt to taste
• about a T of flour at the end to thicken

Saute your garlic in the oil, then add your pickled and roasted jalapenos. Add the cheeses, and stir on medium heat until melty. You may need to add splashes of milk if the sauce is too thick. Don't be a fool and have the heat turned up too high, or you'll just end up with a giant wad of what looks like orange jalapeno chewing gum. Add your spices and keep stirring. Throw the flour in at the very end. You should have a nice cheesy gravy that is reminiscent of that shit you get out of a pump at 7-11, only much better.

How do you roast a jalapeno? Simple. Oven=350. Fresh jalapenos, about 6-8 of them. Rinse the peppers off. Now rub a little oil into the skins. Fill a baking dish with just a smidgen of water. Throw the peppers in the pan. Bake for 10 mins, check and turn. Bake for another. They should puff up as if they were going to explode. They'll collapse when you take them out of the oven. Once cooled remove the seeds, some of the skin, and the stems--GLOVED HANDS, people! Gloved hands. Capsaicin never takes a day off. Chop these up and use as a condiment or a mix in for that heat lover in your life.