That PAIN IN THE ASS Vegan

OYMST Day #31: WHEW! In Conclusion

2012-01-31T15:49:00.002-05:00

In the past 48 hours I have had not one, but TWO or THREE opportunities to have a vegan dessert when I was not expecting it and have turned it down. Really? Like really! Today I considered making cookies, but decided to have apple slices and some pumpkin dip instead. Why did this miracle happen?

Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth. Has it in fact been yanked? Not really, but I have experienced a change that has altered my relationship with eating sweets. Prior to this experiment, I had been making a return to mindless eating, something that is not really good for me. I also have a family history of the diabeetus and I need to be careful. I really didn't think I'd be able to make it.

Then I decided to blog about it and reach out for support. I treasure dessert for what it really is: a beautiful end to a nice meal with friends, family, self, and as a special treat. Not something that I scarf before my 4 year old son sees me and asks if he can also have cookies for breakfast. You can only bullshit a kid for so long until he smells the turd of deceit. What kind of lesson would I be teaching him then?

I've reignited a love for fruit, something I can share with my kids since they adore fruit too. I've found that and some hot tea really does the trick. I feel better. It isn't so hard to get up in the morning. I can concentrate better at work, and I think people have noticed. I've discovered that there are different ways to have sweet treats without feeling deprived. Day 10 was really hard, but after day 15 or 16 it just didn't seem like such a big deal.

What will happen to me when I have dessert tomorrow? I have no idea. I'll keep the size small and will be eating with a bunch of people so I don't eat an entire Smolve pie by myself. I've always enjoyed cooking for people, but now I really treasure eating a meal with the people I cook for. Today I took my daughter out for Thai food at Bloomington's best ethnic restaurant: Siam House. This is a must if you are visiting our little city for whatever reason. The cozy lil' gem is located on 4th and Dunn St. During warm weather you can enjoy your meal outside. They have one of the best lunch buffets, $9. Get this: no fish in the vegetarian dishes. In fact, there are big labels on the dishes that say VEGAN. No guesswork-- I counted 5 things on the buffet! I had red curry w/tofu, soup, spring rolls w/ peanut sauce, a delicious savory salad, and fresh cool melon. I thanked the wait staff for taking the time to label everything. I got a container to go for my spouse and the waiter insisted on holding my daughter so I could tend to that task without any distraction. Is that service or what? You'd really be a fool to not hold her. She's super cute.

I haven't seen my tally for this month, but I'm pretty sure that I was able to raise $15 for the food bank on my hits alone--that's 105# of food! Thank you so much, beautiful readers. Stay tuned for fun stuff next month. I'll be cooking the $#!T out of 500 Vegan Recipes and The Complete Guide to Vegan Substitutions. You'd think I was married to Celine or Joni, but I'm not. I'm just really believe these books don't get enough cred.

OYMST Day #26: School is in session!

2012-01-26T06:52:00.003-05:00

Back in the days of my early veganism, I made hummus with lima beans!

I started teaching a class on compassionate eating at church. Pretty cool, huh? That's the UU denomination for you. I'm pretty sure I'd be allowed to teach just about any subject so long as I could connect it to how the lesson brings people together. I was so psyched when my proposal was accepted! The class meets once per week for two hours for ten weeks. My angle was to teach and NOT preach my experience, strength, and hope eating a vegan diet. No expectations, just sharing good food and fun.

The weather was iffy, so I only had half the class in attendance. It was still a blast! We had introductions and part of the process was to finish the sentence, "When I hear the word vegan I think..." Here were the responses:

"Impossible."
"Fake Blood at PETA demonstrations."
"Underweight."
"Admirable."
"Cool."

What an array of responses! I talked to them about my vegan journey and why I do what I do. Then I launched into a discussion about hummus and schmears. You do NOT have to have the standard hummus as a dip. Live it up and try to make your own unique schmear! A good schmear or hummus is made from the following: a source of protein, fat, vegetable, salt, garlic, lemon juice (or some kind of acid), and spices. I regret not taking pictures of our awesome meal, but I'll let you know what was on the menu:

Black Bean Dip- 1 can of rinsed black beans, 1/2 cup of store bought salsa, 1/4 t cumin, 1/2 t ms. dash's Caribbean citrus, and some sea salt. Puree in a blender. Low fat! Serve with pita, fresh colored peppers, and avocado slices.

A heavily improvised muhamara- 1/2 c. bread crumbs, 1/2 c. olive oil, 1 garlic clove, 1 cap of AC vinegar, sea salt, 1/3 c. raw pumpkin seeds, red pepper flakes, black pepper, roasted yellow peppers and one roasted mirliton. Add contents to blender and add a little water. You want it to be the consistency of pate. Serve with cheesy quackers from 500 Vegan Recipes.

Buffalo Black Eye Pea Dip- Buffalo Dip from 500 Vegan Recipes + 1 can of rinsed black eye peas. Pulse in a food processor. You don't want this to be smooth--let it have some texture! Serve with cuke slices, celery sticks, or both. This was the belle of the ball.

Chocolate Pumpkin Pie Dip- My own creation! This was inspired by one of my readers, Sharine. I took 2 cups of canned pumpkin, 1/4 c. brown rice syrup, 3 chopped dates, 1/4 t vanilla, 2T soy or coconut coffee creamer, 3T water, 1/4 t nutmeg, 1/2 t cinnamon, and a shy T of cocoa powder. I served this with apple slices as a non-traditional dessert option. It went over so well!

Fig and Lentil Soup from 500 Vegan Recipes- If you can't already tell, this is my new favorite cookbook. Seriously people, this book doesn't get enough love. I own many vegan cookbooks, but not this one. I checked it out at the library and I'm now convinced this is the ONLY cookbook I need. Stay tuned for a full review-(and giveaway!) at a later date.

I brought in a few of my cookbooks, and I had a very informal Q&A session. I discussed where I get my protein, that milk can be made from anything-(that's next week's topic!), and that one could make an exciting dip from just about anything.

One student asked, "How can I make a dip low fat?"

Easy. Bypass the amount of oil. You want a little, but not the standard amount in recipes. You don't even really need the fat, but a little gives a big punch of flavor. Example: the "muhamara" had the most oil, and I cut 1/4 out of the recipe based on a bunch I reviewed. The buffalo dip used light mayo instead of full fat vegan mayo. The bean dip had zero oil added as well as the pumpkin pie dip. I explained one could roast or boil a vegetable-(their choice, try to go with one that is creamy when pureed) and cut it into the bean, lemon juice, garlic, and spice mixture to reduce the amount of oil or nut butter one would normally use. That approach enhances the texture, color, and flavor without a bunch of extra fat.

Their homework? Easy-invent your own creative bean schmear and tell me about it.

OYMST Day #25: 6 Days and counting

2012-01-25T13:17:00.003-05:00

Man-oh-man, I'm so looking forward to ending this month. I'm going to make some S'molve Pie and/or cookies and pass out for a few days. I kid, really Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth has brought me closer to myself, namely my insatiable need to consume more sweets than vegetables, which isn't the ideal path for a vegan.

Some of the cravings have subsided. I have noticed that when I eat something even mildly sweetened, it is a little too much for me. I've come to appreciate dates on a whole new level. Dried figs are my new buddies. I cherish the flavor of a fresh orange or apple slice. This is important because as much as I declare myself a hard-core-vegan-foodie, there is something to be said about mindlessly noshing away. I personally found myself not appreciating the flavors of sweets so much as I thought I had to have them, like a smoker has to have a cigarette. For me, I want to avoid that.

What will happen post-project? I'll still eat sweets, but I'll look for new takes on old favorites. My tried and true loves will be eaten less often so I can really appreciate their flavors. I'll make more stuff with fruit.

Before the project, a fellow PPKer sent me this incredible care package loaded with chocolate. One of the gems in this package was made by The Tea Room (?) and was the best chocolate I've ever tasted with the exception of Enjoy Life's Boom-Choco-Boom dark bar. The chocolate fusion bar was super dark with fruity tones and a distinctive coffee flavor. I melted it and used it to coat cookies--divine!

Have you ever taken a break from something you enjoy because you were losing your respect for it? Tell me about it.

OYMST Day #23: What's up, buttercup?

2012-01-23T07:16:00.003-05:00

Back in August, I went to Vida Vegan Con in Portland, OR. You should already know about this because I can't shut up about it. If you're reading That PITA Vegan for the first time, you can read all about it here, here, or here. Yeah, I know I shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition. NOTE: they're thinking about moving it on over to Chicago for the 2013 conference. I have my fingers, toes, earlobes, and eyes crossed they do it. That means I could just drive up and go since Chitown is just 4 hours away!

Anyway, while at the conference, I had the chance to sample Earth Balance's Organic Coconut Spread on a small piece of bread. I was skeptical and expected it to be really sweet and smack of--well, coconuts. I was surprised. It truly is the perfect blend of margarine and coconuts. The flavor is very subtle and I was totally jazzed to get a free coupon for a tub when I returned home.

Until I learned that there wasn't any to be found at my local food co-op, Kroger, et al. Sad face. Major sad face.

So I procrastinated writing Earth Balance about this quagmire, and finally got around to it. I made a shameless plea to have them send me standard EB coupons since my local grocers carried that style but not the coconut spread. I received an email from the gnawdorable representative Adriane and she said they would SEND ME THE COCONUT SPREAD via FedEx with a little freezer package to ensure freshness.

Whuuuuuuuuuuut? Get outta here. Again, I ended the sentence with a preposition. Would you care about grammar if you knew you were getting a tub of this stuff? Pssst, your answer is "Hell no, Jen."

Since I'm at the tail end of Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth, I haven't used this for baking cookies, but I have used it on waffles and in my oatmeal. You could spread it on Styrofoam and I'd happily eat it. It's really that good.

For those of you who refrain or have reduced your use of tropical oils because of what commercial farming does to the habitats of orangutans and other wild life, fear not: the peeps at EB are committed to sustainably harvesting the glorious coconut oil without bugging our ape friends, tiger buddies, and elephant comrades. Pretty cool, huh?

A big fat coconutty thanks to Adriane and EB for the hook up of delicious Earth Balance Organic Coconut Spread!

OYMST Day#21: I love you a latke

2012-01-21T14:16:00.003-05:00

With 10 days and counting, I ask myself--will I make it through Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth? Yep. For those of you just joining in, I've decided to bypass all traditional desserts for the month of January to challenge myself, get a little more connected to my food, and to raise some $$ for the food bank that keeps me filled with tofu. I've relied more on fruits, trail mixes without any refined sugar, home made lara bars-(only mine are balls). (((giggle))) Laraballs.

So this picture is way old--like from Hanukkah 2011. I know it isn't that long ago, but I just thought I'd let y'all know this isn't a recent photo. Most of mine aren't, and I'm trying to get better about that.

These are my signature Lazy Assed Latkes. They are NOT fried and therefore aren't authentic, and I bake the potatoes prior to shredding them, so I guess they aren't lazy at all, they're ambitious. As much as I lovey-love-love fried food, I'm not a fan of the traditional latke. They're just too greasy. I want a big assed potato pancake that I can top with veggies, vegan sour cream, or applesauce. My mom used to make potato pancakes with a mixture of instant potatoes and mashed tater tots. Now that's lazy. Good lazy.

You'll need:

4-6 really huge potatoes
1 small onion chopped
2 garlic cloves
1.5 t fresh dill (FRESH!)
1/4 t ground coriander
1/2 t salt
grated carrots (optional for color)
1/2 c. bread crumbs-(use crushed corn chips for GF)
1.5 T canola oil
1T flax seed meal + 3 T warm water, set aside
1/2 c. mushed firm tofu OR 1/2 c. mushed beans of your choice
ground black pepper

First things first: bake those taters. Let 'em cool. I'm personally a fan of washing them, massaging them with a little OO, sprinkling some kosher salt on them, talking a little dirty to them and baking them in the oven without foil.

Now that you've cooled the taters, grate them with a cheese grater. Yes, it will be messy. Yes, you'll have some pesky skins to deal with--but IMO that makes 'em gooood. Preheat your oven to 375. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Saute the onion, garlic, carrots, and dill in a skillet with a little oil or vegan margarine. Set aside. Add the flax egg, mushed tofu or beans, bread crumbs, and the sauteed veggies. Now make some patties. C'mon, you heard me--MAKE PATTIES! I usually get six to a cookie sheet.

Bake for 12 minutes on one side, flip and 7-10 on the other. If you don't want to use the oven you CAN use a griddle and have a latke party. You just don't want to fry these because they'll just fall apart and you'll be pissed and sad. I dare you to try these with purple potatoes, sweet potatoes, or Jarusalem artichokes-(I'd boil and mash these if I were you instead of shredding.) Report those findings.

OYMST Day#19: Yeehaw! Do Texans really say that?

2012-01-19T07:55:00.006-05:00

Being a gigantic Yankee, I have all sorts of ideas about Texas based on movies and television. Like that scene in Pee Wee's Big Adventure. For a spandex second, I really thought there might be a basement at The Alamo!

This dish is one of Molly's recipes for Texas style vegan chili. Sans beans, of course--and served on top of a bed of corn chips. That's authentic, right? I think so, but then again I hail from the land of automobiles, snow, and Derek Jeter. I added just a kiss of Daiya to cut the heat. I scored a flamin' hot bag of corn chips that was accidentally vegan. Pair this with an ice cold root beer or ginger ale, and well--you've got a meal. I had the co-workers sample this and they described the chili as, "Awesome" , "Perfectly spiced!", and " I never thought of using that ingredient as part of a chili recipe."

The recipe and so many more can be yours by purchasing the cook 'zine Sunny Days in Texas. $$ goes to the animal sanctuary and you'll be armed with some really boss Tey-has recipes. Like the recipe for Spiral Diner's famous ranch dressing.

OYMST Day#18: I think I might be able to do this!

2012-01-18T07:19:00.003-05:00

No kidding. This month has been a big ol' learning lesson so far. While I am great at cooking and have adopted a greener lifestyle by going vegan, my inclination to eat dessert for breakfast, lunch, and snacks is not exactly the healthiest move for me. So I embarked on a crazy mission to bypass all traditional desserts this month and lean on eating substantial meals that weren't covered in chocolate or frosting.

I'm learning quite a bit about myself, largely that I'm more focused and less crabby when I eat more whole foods and less baked goods. I'm still looking forward to eating a nice big dessert in February, I just won't be having it every day of the week. I've found a new love--fresh fruit! Dates for the win! Bananas make everything better! (Insert Sir Mix-a-Lot here) I like big nuts and I cannot lie-(((giggle)))

I did this for a few reasons: spiritual, I was starting to feel a disconnect when I ate, and that isn't a good thing for me. Physical, I have a family history of diabetes-(on both sides) and even with a vegan diet I should really be careful about that. Financial- I wanted to increase traffic on my blog to raise a few extra bucks for Mother Hubbard's Cupboard, the mega-awesome food bank that helps me and my family out on a regular basis. There's no way that we would eat the variety of foods we eat without their help, period. Every 1,000 US visits=$3, which doesn't seem like much but each $1= 7lbs of food! I average about $7-$9 a month. That's anywhere from 50-60# of food to families in my local community. During MOFO 2011, I was able to raise $10 for them and $10 to the local animal shelter. Jen's Soapbox Moment: NEVER underestimate the power of giving anything to charity, even a few pennies. I know people get caught up in the amount of money to donate and will hold back because they can't make it work, but that's ego talking. Just give what you have. Chances are it will be bigger than the generous wealth of the 1% in our country, because it came from your heart and not from a tax write off.

Okay, enough of the preachy preach, let's talk about that reuben at the top of the page. I like to skip the vegan cheese and put a big ol' slice of avocado on top instead. I also like to make the dressing with vegan mayo+hot sauce+ bbq sauce+pickle relish. Don't screw your nose up at me kids, it's really good!

OYMSTDay #16: Plantain Failure

2012-01-16T21:22:00.003-05:00

Like seriously, how hard is it to mess up a plantain? For me, easy enough. I got these at the food bank super excited because I had such a great time cooking with them last time and they were so delicious. What did I do wrong? I think they weren't ripe enough. The ones I got last time were brown, and dismissed as overripe bananas by the other shoppers. This time they were green. I sprinkled them with a little cinnamon and a touch of sea salt and bleeeeeech. When I ate them they were still a little under cooked, and not at all like the plantains I had last time. I topped them with a balsamic plum sauce and toasted pumpkin seeds. If you can get past my awful photography, you can see this is a pretty dish. But hot damn was it awful. Just awful. I hate wasting food too. I ended up having oatmeal for breakfast instead.

OYMST Day #13: How many days do I have left?

2012-01-13T16:23:00.003-05:00

I'm such a dumb ass. WHY did I think this was a good idea? (((((insert the biggest nasal whine here)))) WHY????? I should have just called Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth Operation Jen Is Crazy For Not Eating Sweets for 31 Days instead. When it comes to stupid, I like to do it right.

I picked these up at the food bank and this is a nice lil' time machine--snack sized gelatin like things made with real fruit and without real hooves. I was amazed that I could pronounce and knew exactly what all 7 ingredients were! Yay! Made by Zensoy, these come in strawberry or orange and save you time hanging out at the stove with juice and that perfect mixture of agar-agar. Seriously, I had my doubts--but there I was, eatin' vegan J-E-L-L-O, saying to myself, "Hell, this ain't half bad!" I would imagine these would be really comforting if I were sick. Did anyone else have a momma that made them eat that when ill? I recall being 8 years old and recuperating from a tonsillectomy eating my weight in that stuff.

Like most vegan convenience foods, this one does come with a price: $3.49 for a 4 pack. Really? Yup. You'll have to decide if you'd rather spend this amount for saving time, or spend that amount for a packet of agar-agar at your local East Asian market, or much much more for the vegan gelatin at a health food store. If you ask me, I'm on the side of saving some time every now and then. Especially if it means I play some Katamari instead of eating cookies.

OYMST Day #12: Clean Yo Pantry

2012-01-12T19:46:00.003-05:00

I threw this together in less than 45 minutes. It's a burrito casserole thingy I do a few times a year. Stale tortillas layered with a tomato/chile/oregano sauce, re fried beans, corn, and dollops of cilantro pesto on top. Layer it like lasagna, baby. In the oven at 350 for a half an hour, then uncovered for another 10-12 minutes. You can use vegan cheez if you wanna, but with all those flavors going on, why mess with perfection? Go the natural route by throwing some avocado slices on top. Looky-looky, you have yourself a casserole that will make your friends think you spent a couple of hours in the kitchen. Clean Yo Pantry! I promise I won't tell.

OYMST Day #11: It's High Time I Had a Product Review

2012-01-11T07:57:00.003-05:00

Happy Humpday. It's been a while since I've written a product review, and most of the ones I do are anywhere from okay to stellar. Today my friends, is the big day where I rip a product a new @$$HO!E and I refuse to apologize for it.

This is one of Morningstar Farms frozen "meals." First of all, we bought this on closeout. That was red flag #1. To my credit, I've done this a zillion times and haven't had a dud, until now. While this meal is completely vegan, it was so awful that I pouted while eating it. I'm pretty sure Sara McLaughlan was singing in the background while I wept about my $2.50 that can never be recovered. I wanted to ceremoniously set it ablaze, but I didn't bring anything else to eat that day, so it was me and this "entree."

The chik'n was freezer burnt. The noodles aren't Asian style at all, it's just spaghetti. WHY do companies insist on dubbing this "Asian?" I wonder if they know that India, Russia, and Saudi Arabia are all in Asia. You hear that Morningstar Farms? That's the wailing of the entire country of China telling you that you guys have it wrong. The sauce is (insert your favorite expletive here) bland. Bland as a rubber band. Where were the veggies? You tell me. There were a couple tablespoons in there at most. Someone call me a whaaaaambulance. MSF, you have been chopped.

Boy, I'll be happy when I can go back to eating cake for lunch again.

OYMST Day #10: Sweet Grits?

2012-01-10T07:46:00.006-05:00

I'm totally addicted to Food Network's hit show Chopped. Pure genius watching chefs get stumped with a basket of obscure-(and often gross!) ingredients. If only they'd come up with a vegan version. Imagine the hilarity of chefs being stumped by what to do with tempeh, Speculoos, and durian. I'd totally be the host. I'm funnier and much better looking.

So in the dessert round of one of the episodes, a chef from Senegal made sweet grits with carrots and cream. I felt a little happy on the inside because I like my grits sweet as well. I don't know why, I just do. To some people that just spells D-U-M-B, or C-R-A-Z-Y, but I like to call it G-O-O-D.

Pictured above is my experiment from yesterday: I cooked my instant grits with 1T of dark chocolate, 1t agave, 1.5 brown rice syrup, chopped up banana, and pecans. It reminded me of cocoa wheats. Very warm and filling.

I've also made them with a little Earth Balance and brown sugar. On day 2 of this experiment, I was hungry for my usual cookie meal, but replaced it with grits with chopped figs, dates, cinnamon, ginger, and a little soy milk. Wow. One of these days, I'll have them as intended--plain or with some cheeze and hot peppers.

OYMST Days #8 and 9: Cheezy Quackers are PEOPLE!

2012-01-09T07:48:00.002-05:00

I needed to take a day off blogging yesterday. Don't worry, you didn't miss anything.
I'm not as cranky today. I do notice that it is much easier for me to get out of bed in the morning and not as difficult to get started. I also think I'm developing a sensitive tooth because I tried sweetening my grits this morning and found them to be too sweet after 1t of agave and 1.5 t of brown rice syrup. Sweet grits? I know I just made a gaggle of you savory grit people groan in unison by typing that. So I like sweet grits. Sue me.

So what's up with the shitty photograph of the bowl of soup topped with little dudes? I made a batch of Celine Steen's cheezy quackers using tiny gingerbread cookie cutters. Why not? People eat animal crackers and goldfish crackers all the time. Why not gender neutral bald people? They made a great topping for some asparagus dill soup I made a while back.

OYMST Day #7: This is where I break down and cry...

2012-01-07T16:15:00.002-05:00

...because I want A F^(@!ng COOKIE! Actually I'd like a chocolate cookie dipped in batter and deep fried served with a side of cookies and cookie ice cream. Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth is KILLING me today! No amount of dates, fresh fruit, tea, nutrient dense stir frys, and other foods are taking away that urge. Why did I do this? Oh yeah, to practice more mindful eating and raise money.

Just to be clear--my experiment is to avoid any cookies, cakes, candy, pies, etc. for the entire month because I've developed a habit of devoting half to 2/3 of my food intake to sweets, which I admit is not very healthy. So PLEASE make this worth my while and tell everyone you know about my crazy assed mission to make more money for Mother Hubbard's Cupboard. Because I'm gonna be really pissed if I do all of this and only make a little money for them.

I'm going to go out with my family and have dinner at a very non-vegan restaurant. No problem for me. I called in advance and they have a sandwich that any mycophile would love. I'm gonna smuggle in some condiments because I'm crazy like that.

OYMST Day #6: Stay Gold

2012-01-06T07:02:00.002-05:00

Ah, my new love, the golden beet. There are few vegetables I don't like, and for a long time beets were among the two or three I just refused to put in my mouth. I'm not sure if it is the earthy taste, the staining, or just the way that I've had them prepared-(mostly in a can). Regardless, I'd NEVER call myself a beet lover. Ever.

A long while back, Mother Hubbard's Cupboard had bottles of Biotta Beet Juice. I tried it. A little strong, but when cut with some club soda and a little cranberry juice, I had me a great mocktail! I tried to find it at the local grocery store but it was $6 a bottle! No sale. Then I gave the real deal a try when I saw some Detroit Red ones sitting all lonely at the bottom of a bin at the food bank at a later date. I made this pie for 2011 Vegan MOFO.

Fast forward to last week, and I'll tell you about how I brought home what I thought was going to be a red beet because it was so dark on the outside, then I peeled it and saw this glorious yellow gold. I held it against the gray sky outside, gazed lovingly at the orb, and pretended it was the sun. Thank goodness it wasn't really the sun, or I would have burned my eyeballs out of their sockets.

So--um, what do I do with these? I'm still at a loss as to how to prepare them, and I only had this one beet. I finished peeling it, sliced it 1/4 inch thick, coated it in some olive oil, kosher salt, and dill. Since my oven-oven was full, I put it in the toaster oven at 300 for 10 minutes, flipped, then another 10 minutes. After the 20, I couldn't fully pierce it with a fork, so I set the timer for another 5-7. Perfect. Rays of light fell from my mouth with each bite. Not as earthy as a red beet, just sweet bliss. I'm sure they're great raw, but I'm not ready for that level of commitment.

What vegetable did you used to despise then later changed your mind? How did you prepare it?

OYMST Day #5: Squashy McWaffles

2012-01-05T07:04:00.003-05:00

Much like early veganism, Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth is forcing me to come up with creative solutions to replace my usual meals that have way too much sugar. Sometimes it is a hit. Other times, I get a miss. This is a little of both. I tried to make protein rich waffles using quinoa, soy, and garbanzo flour, but the waffles were very moist, almost too moist. Perhaps more flour in the future? I'll have to keep going back to the mixing bowl and see what happens.

For now, give these a try. I imagine they'd make better pancakes. Tell me what you think!
*The crushed rice krispies make this recipe NOT GF, just wheat free. If you are a person who cannot tolerate barley-(and many cereals contain barley malt), try a rice cereal that doesn't include it or use rice flour.

Squashy McWaffles w/ Mango Balsamic Topping

Dry Ingredients
1/3 c quinoa flour
1/3 c rice krispies, crushed or pulverized in a food processor
1/3 c garbanzo flour
1/4 c potato starch
1/4 c soy flour
2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
1 t cinnamon
2 pinches garam masala
2 pinches clove powder

Wet Ingredients-(blend in a blender or food processor)
1T brown rice syrup
1T canola oil
1 can light coconut milk
1/4 c soy milk (any non dairy milk will do)
2T ground flax seeds
1 c roasted butternut squash (I'm also sure pumpkin or sweet potatoes would be fine)

Balsamic Mango Topping:
1 mango, peeled, pitted, and pureed
1/2 t balsamic vinegar

Mix wet and dry together. The batter will be really, really thick. Spoon 1/2 c in your waffle maker (mine is a cheapy square one) and follow your manufacturer's instructions. SPRAY that iron with canola spray, do you hear me? Mine took about 5 minutes--but they stuck to the iron. They're super moist the moment you eat them, but if you store in fridge for later, they seem to be better toasted in the toaster oven.

For the topping:
In a small sauce pan, heat the pureed mango and balsamic over med heat until you get a nice soft boil. The vinegar really makes the mango do its thang! Spoon over your waffle and top with a little vanilla soy yogurt and extra dash of cinnamon.

Would you buy a 'zine dedicated to waffles and pancakes? Would you prefer paper copy or paying for a PDF download to save trees?

OYMST Day #4: I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

2012-01-04T13:15:00.004-05:00

When the holidays are over, I still like holiday food. Here we have a nice lentil, rice, & walnut loaf matched with some cornbread stuffing, cranberry sauce-(no sugar!), and mashed turnips in lieu of potatoes. That bit of yellow in the far right corner is my new love, the golden beet. I'll talk more about that later.

Although my intentions were to reduce some of the carbs by including more veggies, I must have done something wrong in the cooking process, because the turnip mash was watery and not very creamy. Note: use coconut milk in the future and a little garlic powder. That ought to do the trick. Or maybe do 1/2 potatoes and 1/2 turnips, kind of like Isa's caulipots- (photo in link by Maggie Muggins) from Appetite for Reduction.

I'm finding that I'm still pretty hungry between meals, and I'm not sure whether that is psychological or physical. Regardless, I still snack away and stick to nuts, fruit, or vegan yogurt between meals. The objective is to lay off the dessert, not diet! I'm just amazed at how much of my daily food intake was from dessert type items. I want to carve out better habits for myself so I can appreciate my dessert a little more instead of mindlessly stuffing my pie hole.

Is there an activity you find yourself doing that has gone autopilot? What is it? What can you do to make it a special experience again?

Thanks for supporting my project and please spread the word about Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth!

OYMST Day #3: Hey Everybody, Have You Seen My Balls?

2012-01-03T19:15:00.003-05:00

Don't be fooled. This isn't a cookie, or candy. It's a ball of energy boosting goodness. Don't get me wrong, it's NOTHING like any of the sweets I'd like to be nomming right about now. It does sate the ol' sweet tooth though. I was looking at the complicated ingredients of a Larabar and thought to myself: I've done this before, and I can do it again. Chocolate Covered Katie has about a hundred versions of these things and they're all the talk of the vegan blogosphere. Don't be so intimidated, It's basically the following:

1 c. dates, soaked overnight
1T cocoa powder
1/4 c. cashews
1/4 c. quick oats

After you've worn your patience pants and let your dates soak overnight, you might want to check the bathtub to see if they're all still alive. I kid, I kid. I'm talking about the fruit date, not the person/people you brought home with you last night. I think I just opened up a can of corny jokes.

Seriously, drain your dates, squeezing them slightly, and reserve 1/4 of the date water. (((giggle)))This makes an excellent sweetener for coffee and tea! (((more giggles))) Put the dates, whatever water is left, cashews, cocoa, and oats in a food processor and blend it. It will be sticky and messy. Make some balls out of that concoction and store in them in the fridge.

Tell me about a challenge you went through and how it transformed your life. Did you read all the Harry Potter books overnight? Did you re-enact Rock N' Roll High School with your friends? Did you eat all your veggies? Run a marathon? Tell me about it, stud.

OYMST Day #2: Sometimes You Feel Butternut, Sometimes You Don't

2012-01-02T18:47:00.004-05:00

Butternut Coconut Rice from Appetite for Reduction paired with some steamed broccoli and West Soy Brand Asian Teriyaki Tofu made for a really nice lunch today. Question: why call it "Asian Teriyaki?" Perhaps Westoy's Product Development also subs as the Department of Redundancy Department. I used the pink rice I received in my swag bag from Vida Vegan Con. I honestly never knew rice could be so beautiful!

I'm finding making veggies that are sweet when roasted helps with the ol' sweet tooth. I was more upset with the tofu than anything else. C'mon tofu factory, if you're gonna make something that is labeled Teriyaki, please for the love of all things soy, make it taste like that. All Westsoy seems to taste the same to me. I shouldn't sound so ungrateful, it is just one of the many things that I get from my local food bank. In fact, The tofu, broccoli, and butternut squash came from The Hub.

Thanks for all of the encouraging comments! I'm seriously thinking about that pumpkin dip. Onward and upward Operation Yank My Sweet Tooth!

OYMT: Day 1 Guess what?

2012-01-01T18:02:00.005-05:00

Let me start out by saying this is a really lame entry. Not much funny going on, but I'm not going to worry about it. I just don't have a big ol' goofy story of how interesting it is to focus my day on other things besides eating cookies and candy.

I can't believe it. When I don't start my day with sweets I'm not ravenously hungry by 11am. I'm a little less crabby and more focused. I know you all are thinking DUH, but I guess I just needed to take this adventure to see for myself. I'm really bad about using the following sentence as an excuse: "Well, that doesn't apply to me because I'm not diabetic. So why worry?"

Well, I'm sick of feeling like crap in the mornings, and I'm sicker of being moody. I know there's a connection to the amount of sweets I eat and my moods. I know it.

I had hummus and bread for breakfast, a lentil loaf sandwich and an orange for lunch, and the macaroni and cheese from Vegan on the Cheap for dinner, along with some baked beans, and another orange. Again, I really don't like keeping any sort of a food journal so that part of this challenge is going to be tough for me.

So how about that mac & cheese? Not bad. It's a tofu and nutritional yeast based cheese sauce and I added some extra lemon juice because it tasted a little bland. It does the job, but there are other recipes I like better. It was good--don't get me wrong, but it was missing some zip. Most of Robin's recipes are super easy to throw together and this one was no exception.

I'm hungry right now, and I'm wondering what I should fix myself for a snack. What do you raw/ low/no sugar people do? This is typically cookies & milk time right about now. I'm thinking some hot cocoa, but my Abuelita cubes are sugar, fat, and chocolate-so maybe some oatmeal? A handful of nuts? I've never done something like this without everything blowing up in my face.

Remember, there are two ways to support this project, you can send a direct PayPal payment to jennifermolica@gmail.com or you can read the blog every day, like fifty times. I don't think that would be such a great way to spend the day, but I'd be flattered by the dedication.

2012 is looming, and I'm doing something HUGE.

2011-12-30T20:58:00.005-05:00

I have decided to do the unthinkable! With the new year ready to rip me a new one, I have made the decision to a) do more to give back to a world that has given so much to me and b) do that through food activism, or you can call it eativism, whatever. For the entire month of January 2012 I will pass all traditional desserts.

That's right, people. No cookies, cake, pies, ice cream, whoopie pies, candies, tarts, et al. Some people have a sweet tooth. I have sweetened DNA. If I don't start taking better care of myself you'll see my mug on TV advertising supplies for diabetes.

I initially dismissed this idea because I'm superdooperhooper anti-dieting. Like as in, I. Hate. The. Dieting. Industry. Do not be confused, this is no crazy thing to lose weight. I like my fat ass. You can read all about why I don't diet right here. I thought deeply about this decision and have made the choice to take on this challenge for a few reasons:

1. It's just not a good investment on my health to have cookies for breakfast, candy for a snack, and dessert for dinner and dessert. Laugh at me if you must, but I really do that about 3 days out of the week and the other 4 I'm grazing the land of chocolate. I'm a junk food vegan for sure. I hate even typing that.

2. Although I'm working class and part of the 99% in this country, I recognize that I'm still surrounded by privilege. What's that, you say? What I mean is this: it's easier to get processed refined sugary foods instead of quality whole foods. Most soup kitchens and food pantries in this country have the walls lined with prepared, starchy, and refined foods. I'm lucky enough to have one that focuses on nutrition education, many don't. American culture has turned the joy of eating on its head and bastardized what is supposed to be nourishing our bodies, and I for one am sick of it. I went vegan to get connected to my relationship with food. Now I just want to try to take it to another level. There's no better way to stick it to The Man by not giving The Fast Food Industry your money. Start a revolution with your fork.

3. Since I'm part of a group that doesn't have much money to give to charity, I can still find a creative way to earn it and get the attention of others. "Are you kidding me? Jen gave up cookies for a month? That bitch is cray-cray." The food pantry I utilize saved my life. I don't really think they understand how much they did, but they did. I feel permanently indebted to them.

So here's the scoop:

You visit the blog every day and increase my US impressions. I get $3 for every 1,000.
You can also pledge an amount per day, per week, or per month. Get a pool of people betting how I won't be able to do it. Send that $ via PayPal to jennifermolica@gmail.com $1 buys 7# of food for the food bank. No kidding! I'm giving to my local pantry, Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.

I start at midnight 1/1/12 and end midnight on 2/1/12 EST. There will be giveaways for a couple of books co-written by Celine Steen. So even if you aren't interested in my endeavor, try to win an awesome book for yourself.

So what WILL I DO? I'll post what I eat on a daily basis w/ pics. I might even take some videos. The rules are simple: no traditional desserts. I may have any of the following if I'm craving the cookie jar:

Fruit. Really? Duh.

Raw-style NRG nuggets made with dates, nuts, and no more than 1T of agave and 1T of dark chocolate for an entire recipe. I will not allowed to be able to eat this every day. The challenge is to push myself to eat more whole foods and get people to support me so I can give back to charity. Hell, maybe I'll even inspire YOU to find a cooky way to give money away that you don't have but desperately need.

I'll be traipsing' my way through Isa's Appetite for Reduction for inspiration.

How are you going to know if I'm really being honest? Trust me, you'll be able to tell if I've been eating snack cakes. It'll be written all over my face.

Finally! More Vida Vegan Con Coverage

2011-12-28T21:29:00.007-05:00

Got the winter blues? Tell me about it. It ain't even close to being done yet, but I have something that will cheer you right the F up: more Vida Vegan Con coverage! I know I've talked about Joanna Vaught lovin' on mah 2# bag of soy curls. BTW, I only have a few cups left. I am in love with those things. I've made etouffee, chili, fajitas, and so much more with that stuff. That was my genius buy during the conference. I thought I'd re-post this pic because it is uh-dorable. And JV has a new book out, so like BUY IT with all that Xmas loot ya got.
And I know how I prattled on and on about the curried cole slaw during Joni Newman-(ME-YOW) and Kelly Peloza's-(Double ME YOW)cooking demo. Wanna pretend it's Summer? Make some slaw. Makes me wonder if there's a pickled version of it that you could have over some vegan sausages in the winter. Yum.

But did I ever post that dang video blog? Nope. Well here it is! Enjoy. Not a lot of food to see, but you get lots of self-absorbed nasally Midwest accent coated commentary from yours truly. You have to understand that going there meant the world to me. I entered not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 contests to try to get in to this coveted convention! I nailed it by baking a big assed cookie. It was a Vegan Cinderella dream come true! Well, minus the step mother and step sisters. I guess I never had to clean house for them. And no talkin' mice and birds. No pumpkin coach or silly Prince Charming either.

I guess it wasn't like Cinderella at all! You get the idea though, right?

The video blog ends abruptly when my phone rings at the airport. It ended up being my dad. It was kind of sad.

Please stay tuned as I have more exciting stuff to talk about and an upcoming giveaway for TWO cookbooks co-written by Celine Steen! Her food photography is just gorgeous, just gorgeous.

Man-oh-Man

2011-12-27T20:59:00.004-05:00

Holy Chickpeas, does it hurt me or what when I don't post! I take a week off and my Google stats are horrible, just horrible. That's why I blog, after all--knee deep in chicks-(the cute fuzzy kind I rescue from hatcheries) and the wagons of money that pour in because PITA vegan is the best blog ever on teh interwebs.

Another thing that will surely take its toll on me is the wonder that is known as sweet n' spicy Doritos. Seriously, this is my snack! Accidentally vegan and I'm just now trying them. I'm such a late bloomer. I guess that means I'll have to stop wearing acid wash jeans.

I don't want to waste time hollerin' about the tantalizing flavor because they're just chips. I dare the Food Network to have a vegan episode of Chopped and include this in the basket. I paired mine with this chickpea salad thing I threw together. Psst--breading for the baddy mcbadass buffalo seitan sammich you've ever had! Don't try nachos. They will catch on fire from the chemicals.

I'll be posting pics or videos for the next few days because my son dropped a 5# weight on my hand and my r. ring finger is injured. I never realized how important having all 10 fingers while typing is--((insert Poison's Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone)). It took me 25 minutes to type this and only a half a second for you to roll your eyes at the screen.

Dinner in a Hottie Second

2011-12-22T07:08:00.002-05:00

Feeling the stress of last minute shopping and 12 days of eating sweets for breakfast? Not me, I'll never get sick of that. Contrary to popular belief, I do eat other things. Other things that are awesome for my heart and colon!

Here's a little bit of red and green for the holidays: Appetite for Reduction's Hottie Black Eyed Peas n' Greens is a cinch to throw together, and ready for you in less than 30 minutes. Seriously, put down the shopping bags and skip the take out. You deserve something tasty and healthy. The peas and greens provide a stocking full of nutrition and goes well over a nice bed of rice and side of biscuits. If you're a starchophobe, I'm sure you could pair it with another salad or the mashed sweet potatoes and apples from the same cookbook.

I Just Couldn't Do It!

2011-12-19T20:35:00.004-05:00

As much as I thought I could, I just couldn't blog about cookies for 20 consecutive days. I'm just too busy eating other things. Like seitan reubens from The Owlery. They make their french fries from real live potatoes.
Mr. J. digs the tofu chicken fingers. They are dee-lish, although the name sounds funny. Chickens don't have fingers made of tofu! And I've never seen a block of tofu with fingers, let alone fingers shaped like chickens. Tee-hee.
Look at that one, sliding off the plate and into your mouth!

For those of you who haven't heard me sing high praises for this place, The Owlery is an amazing vegetarian restaurant where all dishes are vegan by default, and if you want something with dairy you have to request it. If you're a gluten free gobbler, they can accommodate you. My favorite sandwich is the BALT (Bacon Avocado Lettuce and Tomato). They double fry the tofu making it the best vegan bacon I've ever had in my life.

They've been doing such awesome business they are relocating downtown! So if you're in town during the holidays wanting to nosh on a Philly Cheeseseitan, you'll have to wait until 2012. It's so worth it!

The Big Bake Easy HOLIDAY EDITION!

2011-12-18T12:32:00.010-05:00

Hey there kid, GET AWAY FROM THE TABLE! Yep that's my boy. Standing behind a table of sweets completely pantsless. Kind of priceless, don't you think?
Here it is pre-sale. Even if I had the best camera in the world, I'm pretty sure my food photography would suck because I cannot get my hands to stand still. Perhaps it is because I engaged in lots of sampling prior to party time! Seriously, I ate a lot of sugar. It doesn't matter if it's organic. Sweets are sweets.

I had this in-home bake sale to try to raise a little money for my family and for a local animal care facility. I was really banking on getting a holiday bonus from my regular job, but it turns out that I shouldn't have assumed that. So, instead of feeling sorry for myself I thought I'd hold a bake sale and expose peeps to vegan goods. Here's the menu:

Mocha Cappuccino Cookies from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur, made gluten free with 1c teff flour, 1 c soy flour, and 1.5 t of xanthan gum. I have found this to be a great combination for cookies. You might need to add more liquids (a T at a time) though because those flours are grainy and absorb quite a bit of water.

Lower Fat Chocolate Bundt Cake from Veganomicon, made gluten free. This time I think I got the flour combo better: 1/3 potato starch, 2/3 teff flour, and 1 c garbanzo flour. I liked the way the cookie crumb held together with the 1.5 t of xanthan, so I added that much again. This produced a delightful moist cake. I made them into cupcakes that I topped with Ricki Heller's amazing whoopie pie filling-(go here to try it!) and a smaller cake that I topped with the peanut butter caramel recipe from Veganomicon. I threw some chocolate chips into the caramel for the hell of it. Good choice.

Chocolate Crinkles from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar

Gingerbread Biscotti from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar- I topped them with a saffron/lemon buttercream frosting. This was nice.

Smolve Pie from Veganomicon. Now I know what everyone is talkin' about. HOLY SHIT that's good pie.

Chocolate Mint Wafer Cookies-(aka thick mints) from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur

Seven Layer Bars from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur

Oatmeal Scotchies from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur

I ran out of time to make Celine's Black Bean Brownies and CCKatie's Fudge Babies. Have no fear, there's still time before Christmas! I think it's laughable that I worried that I didn't make enough food.

I made impromptu serving trays with old records, paper towel tubes, gift wrap, and a little glue. After the party I used them as a holder for washcloths in the bathroom.

SMOLVE PIE!
Lower Fat Chocolate Bundt Cake made GF and topped with chocolate peanut butter caramel with baby cupcakes and a sprinkle of powdered sugar. Gives you the diabeetus.

Butterscotch No Bakes from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur- I made these gluten free by omitting the flour and adding 1/3 c. butterscotch chips to the soft boil mixture. The dough is a little testy, but the cookies do hold up just fine without the flour.

I spent about $35 on the ingredients. I made $33 yesterday and have 9 people who couldn't make it to the event wanting $4 goodie bags. Not a bad haul. $69 total, and when factoring in the 25% to charity, that's $17.25 that Wildcare didn't have before the sale! So I made back what I spent and spread the good news of vegan goods to my buddies. Yay! Thanks to everyone who helped make this happen. Never doubt the power of baked goods whether making them, eating them, selling them, or all of the above. Vegan baking is easy and good for the soul.

Remember This Cookie?

2011-12-16T07:35:00.003-05:00

Check out this swag package from my Xmas Vegan Santa from the PPK. Look at all that stuff! Yep, I'll be reviewing all of those products throughout the winter, but we need to get back to the issue at hand: COOKIES!
Petunia sent me not one, not two, but THREE bags of butterscotch chips. Wowza! Price Chopper reformulated their recipe to include milk fat-(BOOOOOOOO) so all of the old style chips were on clearance. Apparently Petunia dressed up like a pirate and went to each store in the state of CT and bought out their supply. I really have no idea if she dressed up like a pirate, but I thought that would make the story funnier.
So I made the Oatmeal Scotchies from The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur. NOTE: this is really one of the most gorgeous cookbooks on the planet. The book is just beautiful, makes a great holiday gift, and you might even be tempted to give it an ol' hermetic seal to protect it from silly humans, but don't do it--bake, bake, and bake! Yay! These took me back to the days where I lived in front of the TV watching Saturday morning cartoons. You don't think I actually ate cereal back then, do you?

I'll be back tomorrow evening posting about my Holiday Bake Easy, my own in-home bake sale I'm holding to raise money for the holidays! 25% will go to Wildcare Inc. If you are interested in making a donation, shoot me an e-mail at jennifermolica@gmail.com

Happy Humpday! Praises for Alternative Baking Company

2011-12-14T07:55:00.002-05:00

Ever had a care package swap? No? You don't know what you're missing. This is just one of about a dozen shots of my tricked out vegan care package from Petunia of the Post Punk Kitchen Forum. Among the oodles of chocolate goodies was this giant Double Chocolate Chip Decadence cookie from the Alternative Baking Company.

I never buy their cookies because I'm a cheapskate, too busy making my own, and I honestly wasn't sure if their cookies were good. I'm generally leery of prepackaged vegan cookies because I suffer from that "But What If It Isn't As Good As It Looks?" syndrome.

Well, I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, and wrong. And so, so happy to be wrong.

That cookie was spectacular. Alternative Baking Company, please hire me as your company taster. I will happily nom-nom-nom all day long and preach the gospel of your products. And you new vegans, vegans-to-be, or curious folk should do a care package swap once just to see what an awesome experience it is. So much love goes into it and it is super fun to shop for someone and test yourself on buying products that are vegan. You might make a BFF and BCFF (Best Cookie Friend Forever)!

I'm Such a Scientist

2011-12-13T07:33:00.003-05:00

I don't know what I did wrong to get the chocolate chunks to look like they were unearthed from an 1883 time capsule. Such a disgrace. Fortunately, it didn't affect the taste and that cookie is sitting in my intestines as I type this.

I figured Isa has had plenty of love and attention for the past several days, so I'd talk up Ms. Kelly Peloza's Vegan Cookie Connoisseur. Believe it or not, these are the Mocha Cappuccino Cookies. Why don't they look like the picture in the book? Why aren't they all spread out and packed with little speckles of coffee? Well, I'm ever the scientist and decided to try to make them gluten free. I'm having an in-home bake sale this Saturday and have some GF peeps to satisfy.

I used 1/2 c. teff flour, 1/2 c. soy flour, and 1 1/2 t of xanthan gum. The dough didn't spread at all, it was very thick and I had to add some extra liquids to keep the dough from being sandy. I rolled each cookie into a little golf ball and smashed it with the back of a spoon. Then I plugged the chocolate chunks into the dough. 350 for about 8-9 minutes should do it. Don't bake any longer than that or you will have a rock.

The taste? Well, it was a little gritty because of the flours, but good--notably good for dunking in milk, if that happens to be your thang. Guess what? NO CRUMBLES. Yep, that's right, the cookie didn't crumble like my past GF experiments. This tells me for now, that the teff/soy combo works. Most people think to make a cookie GF all they have to do is add whatever non gluten flour and ((((blamo!)))) you have a GF cookie. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. You have to play around and see what happens. Other blogs will tell you the xanthan or guar isn't needed, but if you don't your going to have a cookie that turns to a fistful of crumbs.

Sweet n' Salty Monday

2011-12-12T07:08:00.003-05:00

If I were Grand Ruler of the World, I'd make sure the following happened: Carrot Top would be forced into retirement, there would be no such thing as investment banking, all jobs would have a "pants free" option, and every Monday would be Sweet & Salty Day. If you're one of those weirdos who doesn't like that combination, I double dog dare you to try the Salted Caramel Pecan Bars from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar.

This is a great bar to make when you just don't have it in you to make pecan pie. If you're a pie person, then you might want to ask Santa for Vegan Pie in the Sky and make this Maple Pecan Pie instead.

Don't knock pants free until you've tried it.

Hot Cocoa Mexican Style

2011-12-11T17:29:00.003-05:00

I'm sicker than a dog right about now. That won't stop me from eating cookies, though. Especially these Mexican Hot Chocolate Snickerdoodles from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar. Packed with a chocolate punch, followed by very subtle sinus clearing chile powder--these cookies will separate your plate from all the fruitcake at the company Xmas party. Are you convinced that you need to get this book for the holidays? I hope so. You're welcome Isa, you know how much I love you.

I'm having a Holiday Bake Easy to raise some extra $ for our household and give some to charity. Tomorrow will begin a week long marathon in me making cookie dough to refrigerate for the big day. I also plan on attacking the infamous Smolve Pie from Veganomicon.

I haven't picked out a charity yet, but 25% of the funds from the bake sale will go to a local organization. I know y'all are awesome, after all--with all your help we raised $10 for the local animal shelter and $10 for my local food bank. That doesn't sound like much, but every penny helps! If you would like to contribute to the Holiday Bake Easy, send an e-mail to jennifermolica@gmail.com

Portion Control, I Haz It.

2011-12-09T07:24:00.005-05:00

Well, not really. I've been known to get up in the middle of the night and sleep eat. Hell, it's not even sleep eating--I'm awake and can't stand for the cookie jar to be full. For some strange reason, making cookies or brownies in a muffin/cupcake pan does the trick for me every now and then. It's a must for office parties or pitch ins. Otherwise, I'm making one giant cookie for me and cookie pellets for everyone else. True story.

So, are brownies cookies? No, so I guess I suck at that 20 days of cookie thing I've been aiming for. These are the Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Brownies from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar. They are just as rad as they sound. Don't be fooled by the shadows in the photo, there's some heavy fudge on the bottom. (((((snickering))))) I typed "fudge on the bottom."This is for those vegan cheesecake doubters. Yes, you can has cheezcake.

I Can See Your Peanut Butter Pillows

2011-12-08T07:03:00.002-05:00

Now, wouldn't the epic thriller Carrie have been more of a heart touching tale of overcoming adversity if her mother had simply made a plate of Peanut Butter Pillows from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar instead of letting her go to the prom? Think about it, she would have taken a couple of bites, said to her momma,

"You know what? Screw those bullies. In 20 years they'll be washed out and still living here in Anytown. I'm gonna use my telekinesis to bank big in Vegas. You can stay here and read the bible. Keep making awesome cookies, ma."

You wouldn't have to see the buckets of blood or fire. Instead you'd just see Sissy Spacek rolling around in hundreds on her bed from Circus Circus. Her mom would decide to start going to Buddhist retreats, and everything would be dandy.

That's how awesome these cookies are.

See You at the Bar

2011-12-07T07:23:00.003-05:00

When is a cookie not a cookie? When it's a bar. But does it really matter what shape the damn thing is? Nope. Nopey, nopey, give me hopey--it don't mean a thing. Especially this here Blueberry Spice Crumb Bar from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar. This gorgeous, fragrant, sweet, and blissful bar will have you cuing Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on Netflix so you can wave the cookie in Violet Beauregarde's gum chewin' face. Of course she can't see you.

NOTE: My 20 days of cookies theme isn't some weird homage to Morgan Spurlock or to Newman's Own. It's a digging of That PITA Vegan archives combined with some new entries to heighten the awareness of cookie deprivation. Don't worry, I'm eating plenty of other things like a seitanic stew, hottie black eyed peas n' greens, and black bean nachos. So there.

A Little Crinkle for St. Nickle

2011-12-06T08:02:00.002-05:00

Chocolate Crinkles from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar. They taste like a brownie and a cookie did it and had children. Slightly crispy on the outside, but fudgey and gooey on the inside. I bet if you put a bit of mint extract in this you would have a nice after dinner cookie after you have a cookie dinner.

20 days of cookies begins TODAY

2011-12-05T07:37:00.003-05:00

Instead of an advent calendar, I thought I'd talk about cookies until X-Mas. Sure, I blog about cookies every other day, and sure I'm a little late on that whole advent calendar thingy, but hopefully these posts will inspire you to make a totally tricked out plate for Santy Claus, Channukah Harry, Kwanzaa Keenan, or Solstice Sandy. All of the supernatural holiday heroes like to have a gigantic plate of cookies while engaging in their respective duties. They also like to get presents from people. For instance, I was telling ol' St. Nick that my son has been pushing his agenda for a Play Doh Fun Factory, and he told me how bad he wanted Kelly Peloza's The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur.

These are the Peanut Ginger Sesame Cookies from Veganomicon. This is the perfect cookie at the end of an Asian inspired meal. I won't lie to you, there are no fortunes inside these babies; however, you'll feel magical enough to make your own dreams come true. Really, has anyone ever benefited from a fortune from one of those cookies? I didn't think so.

Wiping The Egg From Your Face

2011-12-02T07:45:00.004-05:00

There are many people who are comfortable giving up or eliminating meat from their diet, but they still cling to eggs for a few reasons: a) they enjoy the taste, b) they don't know of a way to veganize it, and 3) they are completely unaware of what happens in the poultry industry.

I'm not here to preach to you about what happens. You can google that stuff yourself. It's pretty awful. I'm not the kind of person who needs to read and see the snuff footage.

I AM the kind of person that is committed to taking something I once cherished and finding a way to make it animal product free. See that pic up there? It's eggless salad. Super easy to make. It's not 100% reminiscent of eggs, but it does have a similar texture and flavor. I put this stuff on some toasted multi-grain bread and paired it with the In-a-Pinch Corn and Broccoli chowder from the other day. It was the perfect lunch for a rainy day.

Eggless Salad

1pkg extra firm tofu, pressed NOTE: this is the kind in the plastic tub with water, not the aseptic package.
1T dijon mustard-(make sure it's vegan. some brands put egg in it!)
1/4 c nutritional yeast also known in the vegan lexicon as "nooch"
1t garlic powder
2t onion powder
1/2 t black pepper
1T bragg's liquid aminos
2T chopped pickle (dill! dill! dill!)
1T fresh dill (or 1t of dried)
a shredded carrot (optional)
chives (optional)
pinch of salt*

*IF you can score it, get black salt. A little goes a long way and it has an eggy smell and flavor. You can find it at an Indian grocery or restaurant. Regular salt will work.

This recipe is best if made the night before. If you lack the time, it will still be okay, just not as good.

How in the hell do you press tofu? Easy--take that block of tofu and put it between two dinner plates. Sit a big ol' can of tomatoes or a hand weight-(because I know you haven't worked out in ages) and let gravity do it's thing. Drain after 10 minutes three times, and almost all of the water should be out of the block. Now this brick o' soy is a blank canvas to absorb anything and everything it is mixed with!

With clean hands, mush the tofu up to a ricotta consistency. Add all of your ingredients and stir thoroughly--you don't want to chomp into a complete bite of mustard or plain tofu-(blech!).
Sit in a tupperware container and allow the flavors to meld overnight. Serve on your favorite bread with your favorite toppings. I am partial to sun dried tomatoes.

A Chowder Fit for a Giant

2011-12-01T07:24:00.002-05:00

Foodbuzz Tastemaker's Program does it again, and this time it is with Green Giant Vegetables. I made this In-a-Pinch Corn n' Broccoli Chowder. I added a little too much corn starch so it was really thick, but you don't have to do that. In fact, you shouldn't have to add it at all unless you were making a veggie pot pie--in that case, this soup would do the trick.

The beauty of this simple soup is that you'll have it done in less than 30 minutes--for real! Now you'll have plenty of time doing other things like working on that novel you've been neglecting or developing your campaign to run for city council.Whichever project you choose, just remember to make broccoli part of the action!

Thanks to Green Giant Steamers Veggies and Foodbuzz Tastemaker's Program for making this post happen!

You'll need:

1 can of regular corn
1 can of creamed corn-(check the label to verify veganness)
6 c. of Veggie broth-(I used an un-chicken broth)
1 pkg. Green Giant Veggie Steamers Broccoli
1/3 c. chopped leeks
1 giant golden beet, chopped OR 1 shredded carrot
2 cloves of garlic via garlic press
1/2 t black pepper
1 t onion powder
1/2 T of corn starch (optional)
few drops of liquid smoke

Saute your garlic and leeks in a little earth balance or olive oil for a few minutes. Toss in your beet and cook for a few more moments, then add the broth, corn, creamed corn, broccoli, pepper, and onion powder. Cook on stove top setting 4 until bubbling, then set to low. Serve with a nice crusty bread. I paired this with a tofu egg less salad sandwich and it was divine.

Your Xmas Cookie List

2011-11-30T07:11:00.002-05:00

What cookies will you be making this year? Sugar? Gingerbread? Chocolate Crinkles? Or are you more of a cupcake person?
Tell me all about it. Santa wants to know what to expect when he busts open your door. Not too many houses have chimneys anymore.
Here's my list:

Sugar Cookies from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar
Chokoladballs from "
Chocolate Crinkles from "
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies from Vegan On the Cheap
Probably a shortcut cookie
Soft Baked Chocolate Chip Cookies from The Vegan Cookie Conoisseur
????????

Any GF ideas? Tell me about them.

It's not________, it's this...

2011-11-29T07:54:00.002-05:00

If I had a dollar for every time I heard "I can't go vegan because I could never give up ______", I'd be wearing my weight in gold chains and be knee deep in fly girls. I know what it feels like--wondering if there's any way you can get over having chocolate sans milkfat, tortillas without duck feather preservatives, the gooey stringiness of cheese, smoky crisp of bacon, and the salty hot tang of buffalo wings.

I don't eat fake food, I eat real food. When I want something that I crave from the pregan days, I simply go to some real eats that have those characteristics. Perfect example is this buffalo chicken salad with smoked almonds and guacamole dressing. This made me forget that it was the end of November. If there was a vegan version of Applebee's, this would be a top seller.

The greens are a spicy mesclun mix which has a peppery bacony flavor. You can use any green you want, but I went this route.
The buffalo seitan is a chicken like wheat meat lightly breaded and coated in Frank's hot sauce plus a little Earth Balance vegan margarine.
Smoked almonds give me the savory salty crunch I seek. No, it's not bacon but pigs everywhere will thank you and so will your heart.
Here's the one you don't thing belongs: guacamole dressing. The cool creamy avocado is a nice flavor against the greens, almonds, and the hot wing sauce. Individually these ingredients don't really say much, but when they all hang out and discuss how to please your taste buds, it's a combination that sings a joyful noise.

Eating this way isn't about achieving sainthood by depriving yourself of yummy food. Veganism is cheap, fun, accessible, and absolutely delicious.

Anatomy of a vegan Txgiving dinner

2011-11-27T14:17:00.006-05:00

Here, we view the mishmash on my plate. Doesn't everyone's plate look like this, esp. the day after the Big Feast? Why don't we get a closer look at the **magic**?

I'm so in love with this years tricked out sweet potatoes. I took a recipe inspired by an old skool casserole cookbook and added some PITA vegan flair. Don't you see the flair?

The green bean casserole was a hit. We attended the UU pitch in and I made sure to bring plenty of stuff for myself and a little extra to share. I made enough for 6 ample or 10 small servings of the following: stuffing, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes w/ garlic and arugula, gobbler slices, and roasted butternut squash w/lime and Caribbean Ms. Dash. Oh yeah.

I was only able to take a plate of about 1/4 to 1/2 c. servings home. Everyone else ate it all! Score for team V!

What did you eat on the big day? Did you introduce an omni or vegetarian to the glories of Planet Vegan?

Jen's Tricked out Sweet Potatoes

You'll need

1 GIANT sweet potato, equaling 2 c. worth cooked and cubed
1 overripe banana
2 c. of frozen fruit, I used a pear and a couple of small peaches.
1 t cinnamon
1/4 c. Smucker's Marshmallow Ice cream topping--chemical but vegan!
1/4 c. finely chopped nuts- I used pecans
1/4 c. shredded coconut

Set the oven to 300. Spray a pie plate w/ nonstick spray or canola oil. Set aside.

In a food processor, put in the cubed cooked sweet potatoes, mashed banana, and chopped frozen fruit. Fruit is pretty easy to chop when it is frozen and has been left out for about 20 minutes. You could always go the easy route and chop up some overripe stuff, but why make the holidays easy? Pshaw. Toss in the cinnamon and marshmallow topping. Pulse until whipped, but it doesn't have to be 100% smooth. Now spread that stuff in the pie pan and smooth over with the back of a spoon or spatula. Sprinkle the nuts and coconut on top. Cover and bake for about 45m, then 15 uncovered. Allow to cool about 15 before serving. This is SO FORKING good. If you have doubts, just look at that photo again.

Traditional Holiday Dishes Veganized

2011-11-24T07:51:00.002-05:00

Rerun time! People, You're looking at the infamous Gobbler Slices from Celine and Tami's upcoming vegan sandwich cookbook, Vegan Sandwiches Save the Day! You MUST buy this book once it is available. I just made a mega loaf for Txgiving dinner today.

((stepping up to the pulpit)) And what is this holiday all about? A cruel reminder of what most of our forefathers did to the indigenous folk buried with a buffet of goodies followed by crazy department store sales? It really depends on who you are. I heard some people bad mouthin' this day, and I get it--the past sucks. I'm not just tossin' a "move on" attitude either. There is still pain and suffering every holiday. For people and animals. Let us all reclaim this as an opportunity to count our blessings and evaluate what is important to us.

That and food. The food! ((shaking fist in the air))
Look at that loaf. Sure it's kind of plain, but I assure you the taste is not. You'll never eat tofurky again.
Gobbler Club: gobbler slices, bacon bitz, red onion, fresh tomato, fresh parsley, and beannaise all on a cibatta roll.

This post is dedicated to Turkeys everywhere: here's some traditional Txgiving dishes veganized. Perhaps you're thinking of foregoing the bird this year. Maybe you have one of those weirdo vegans coming over for dinner. Be prepared and delighted!

*NOTE: this post is going in a day later than I wanted. If you've already gone ahead with your Thanksgiving plans, please consider these for the upcoming Xmas Holiday!

Main Course:

Chickpea Cutlets from Veganomicon
Chicken Seitan
Gluten Free Chickpea Patties

Sides:

Mashed Potatoes with Olive oil instead of butter. Throw some minced garlic in there too.
Sweet Potatoes with maple syrup and pecans. Use canola oil instead of butter to coat potatoes.
Green Bean casserole- French's FF Onions are vegan. Puree mushrooms with a cup or two of veggie bullion, and thicken with some corn starch to make the cream of mushroom soup.
This here veganized PORK RIND CASSEROLE. I will always be proud of this dish.

Roasted asparagus w/olive oil, lemon, and a pinch of kosher salt
Chickpea Gravy! Yes, gravy made with chickpeas. Us vegans will make gravy out of anything. Don't have chickpeas? Try subbing with another canned bean. Oh the possibilities!

Carby McCarb Land:

Don't forget to make room for dessert:

vegan pumpkin pie
lil' vegan pecan pies. dude!
Veganized Persimmon Pudding Recipe
behold the SMOLVE PIE-this one is labor intensive, but everyone will be super impressed.
Gluten Free Vegan Pie Crust-fill it with your favorite gluten free filling

Enjoy this special day and remember that anyone can be vegan--it's not that hard. Turkeys everywhere are singin' praises for the principle of live and let live.

Such a ham...and a lousy photographer.

2011-11-22T07:37:00.002-05:00

Hey readers,

I've been caught up in the pre-holiday hoopla and had a cold. Nothing clears the sinuses like a nice spicy ham salad topped with onion and a striped roma tomato. Of course you have to serve it on homemade bread, this ain't no Arby's. This also ain't no professional photography joint. But that's the beautiful I-don't-give-a-shit aesthetic you've come to love and enjoy. That picture is blur-ay. Gasp!

Just take a couple cups of cubed shapeshifter ham, add 1/3 c. vegan mayo, 1T siracha-(or favorite hot sauce), 1/2 t of agave or maple syrup, pepper, pinch of salt, and 1/4 chopped green and yellow peppers. Really you don't have to have the veggies--I just had them around the house. Mix it all together and you have a nice ham salad. I bet if you pureed it all you could easily mock that crazy stuff sold in the tubs at grocery store delicatessens. Mmmmm, sandwich spread in a tub.

Toast your bread of choice and top two slices with the ham salad mixture and top with onion and tomato. Pairs nicely with a corn chowder or tomato soup.

A vegan short cut with cookies

2011-11-19T09:02:00.005-05:00

Thanks to FoodBuzz's Tastemaker Program and Duncan Hines for the awesome care package! I received 8 coupons for FREE DH products, and a free coupon for Comstock Pie Filling. I'll post about the pie at another time. Of course, I'm not going to eat all 8 boxes, so I'm giving some to my church to put in gift baskets for people during the Thanksgiving holiday.

The Tastemaker's program is an awesome opt-in program that is part of their Featured Publisher's group. If you get selected, you get gift packages from various companies to play around with and plug to the blogosphere. Pretty cool deal, if you ask me. Not all companies are vegan, but if you know your stuff, you can figure out which items will work for you. To me, there's no better way to spread the news than to mingle with gaggles of omnivores and traditionally non-vegan companies and telling them how you played scientist with their food. Cutting oneself off from others because of your diet is never a good way to get things done.

If you're new to veganism and have difficulties with baking, I feel you. I've been there. I have a short cut for all you newbies and wannabes! Most commercial cake mixes, are accidentally vegan not all--but most IF you use a vegan egg instead of a chicken egg. The ingredient list is on the processed and chemical side which causes skepticism for those who serve on the vegan police, but don't sweat it--this is a lifestyle choice about having fun and being creative. Don't let a select few bully your efforts in trying to do this! For further inspiration, read this article by Vegan Outreach.

These cookies are **awesome** and remind me of the big ass soft baked ones that I bought at the mall when I was an Aqua Net Hair Spray Diva and listening to Whitesnake.

So, I took the Devil's Food cake mix, and made the following subs:

*2 vegan eggs: 2 T ground flax seeds and 6T warm water. Whisk and set aside. The mixture will get kind of gelatinous after a few minutes.

1/4 c. unsweetened applesauce

1/4 c. canola oil

1/2 c. chocolate chips

Preheat that oven to three fiddy. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper or foil lightly sprayed with canola oil spray.

After the vegan egg has gelled a little, whisk it with the oil and applesauce. Add this mixture to the dry cake mix. If you find it is too dry, add a T or two of more applesauce, but it really should be fine. Fold in the chocolate chips and get out a lightly oiled ice cream scoop.

Using the scoop, dole out single scoops on the cookie sheet, making special care to leave a few inches between each cookie. You should really only get 6 per sheet. If you want smaller cookies, ((sigh)) fine, use a tablespoon instead. I don't know why anyone would want smaller cookies.

Bake 'em for 10-12 minutes AND NOT ONE SECOND LONGER. Do you hear me, you doubting cookie Thomas? Let 'em cool for a minute or so before transferring them to a wire cooling rack.

Enjoy! Remember, this way of eating is really not a pain in the ass. It's a cinch. You can do it! Thanks again to FoodBuzz and Duncan Hines for making this post happen!

*=if you don't have access to ground flax seeds, don't fret. You can double the amount of applesauce-(for the record, I don't like the results), use 1/4 c. of pureed silken tofu-(in the aseptic package in the Asian aisle of your grocery store), or one mushed banana. If you go the banana route, your cookies will have a distinct flavor, but some people like banana--so there you have it.

It was the only bottle available

2011-11-17T21:04:00.004-05:00

So I like taunting my co-workers every now and then. For those of you who have never lactated before, this is a breast milk bottle. I've finished weaning my children for some time now, but had this bottle left over to put my soy creamer in so I could doctor up the shitty excuse for coffee at work. Back in the day when I did pump, I had to label it BREAST MILK so no one would accidentally drink it. You would have thought I had put the fluid of some large black and white field dwelling, and grass eating creature held against her will and forced to put her milk in a machine instead of feeding it to her baby like a normal living thing.

Woah, that's what cow's milk is.

A new twist on peanut butter and bacon

2011-11-16T15:27:00.003-05:00

Did Elvis really eat peanut butter and bacon sandwiches? I have no idea. Must be one of those urban legends, like pop rocks and soda. This sandwich is not the stuff of fairy tales, this is something I thought about all day long while I sold garden products at work. I kept thinking, what am I going to do with that Thai Sesame Peanut flavored tofu by West Soy and with that eggplant in the fridge?

I took a trip back to 2009 and looked at the concoction I threw together for eggplant bacon. I upped it a notch by marinating, baking, then pan frying in a little oil. I put it on top of some of the said Thai Peanut tofu, put a little arugula on some bread along with onion, beannaise-(from The Ultimate Uncheese Cookbook), and the obligatory pickle. It was awesome! I decided I'd call it the ElviSteen McNoyes after The King, Celine, and Tami. I just can't test sandwiches for people all Summer and try to think that I can walk away from it all without a little inspiration.

Since daylight savings time has arrived, I can't take pictures outside like I used to. My solution has been to take them directly under the stove light. I'm known for bringin' the funny rather than my photo skills, but I think the results are better than flash, don't you?

Move over Nabisco

2011-11-15T06:56:00.002-05:00

I know a name like "Whole Wheat Fig Bars" sounds kind of anti-climatic, but give a cookie a chance. I made these from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar, largely because I had a jar of fig pieces sitting on my shelf that begged to be used. I'm a chocolate freak, so I was kind of skeptical.

Lordy-lordy I've been saved by another cookie. Don't be thinkin' this is a healthy cookie because there's a 1/2 cup of oil in there, but you don't have to tell your friends. Don't try to go makin' it low fat or fat free to see what will happen, either. Isa knows her stuff. Just go with it. Watch 'em go "Wow! These are so much better than those....um, what are those other fig cookies called? Nevermind." Perfect for the upcoming holidays (((wink-wink))). Everyone knows Santa and Chanukkah Harry are partial to figs.

I made these for chalice circle at church and they were gone before the candle was even lit! I iced them with just a whisper of orange vanilla frosting. (((whispering))) Just a whisper.

Jen Loves Papa Tofu Loves Ethiopian!

2011-11-14T07:15:00.003-05:00

I made this quite some time ago. This is some stuff from Papa Tofu Loves Ethiopian. Don't ask me what it is because I'm in a bad mood and too lazy to look it up. (((stamping feet)))) Okay, the green bean stuff is the ye'takelt allecha-(gingery mixed vegetables). It was pretty good. You should totally buy Kittee's 'zine. I gave a copy away to another blogger, but haven't heard from her. I'm probably going to have to go down the list and give it to the next person in line if I don't hear from her by tomorrow. It is so awesome being the Susan Lucci of vegan blogging.

I use the nitter kibbeh recipe as a butter sub for just about everything. I've even added it to Celine Steen's Cheezy Quacker recipe with nice success. Gives a great flavor to the crackers.

Cocoa Season Begins

2011-11-11T07:36:00.002-05:00

Instead of Hunting Season or obsessing over the "perfect" turkey, wouldn't be awesome if we had Cocoa Season instead? Imagine the possibilities: Special camos for nature walks and fancy thermoses that hold all kinds of sugary, chocolatey, blissey, and frothy delights? Wouldn't a vegan IHOP be adorable with two grown men discussing the batch of white chocolate and fig hot cocoa over a stack of flapjacks? Wouldn't it be wonderful to see people in pick up trucks with kegs of cocoa instead of an animal? I thought so. One day, people. One day.

I officially declare November 11, 2011 to be the very first Hot Cocoa Season Ever. That's right. Put the guns down, grab a mug, and see what you can make. Tell me about your favorite hot cocoa moments! Don't have one? Well, make one up. You know that one about your boy/girl friend from Canada that we've never met? Who would you love to sit down with and discuss your favorite movie/band/stuffed animal with over a big cup of cocoa?

For my non-vegan readers asking, "How do I make cocoa vegan?" Take a looksie:

Milk Options:

oat milk
hemp milk
almond milk
soy milk
coconut milk
cashew cream or milk
tahini milk
peanut milk
pistachio milk
the list goes on and on!

You can basically make any non dairy milk by soaking 1 c. nuts to 2 c. water overnight. Put it in a blender and strain. Use the pulp for baked goods, hummus, or sauces. Store milk in fridge and shake before using because it will settle.

For oat milk, I take 1 c. oats to 3 c. water, blend, strain, and use in cocoa or baked goods. This saves $$ on buying soy milk at $3-$5 a pop.

Coconut milk is very mainstream, quite possibly the new black. You can find it everywhere. If you really want to indulge and get the creamiest out there, go to an ethnic grocer and buy the fatty mc fat version of it in a can. Seriously. Don't be freaked out by the fat at the top of the can, it's good for you. Just give the can a good shake.

The cocoa part:
I generally like to add 1 T of quality cocoa for every 6-8 oz of milk. Now that might be too strong for some and too weak for others, but there you have it.

Alternatives are as follows:

1/4-1/3 c. chocolate chips in warming milk. Whisk continuously until mixed
" with vegan chocolate of butterscotch chips. Where do you purchase them? Here and here. If you're one of those lucky ducks on the east coast, Price Chopper Brand butterscotch chips are vegan-(or so I've been told.)

Flavor variations to add to your cocoa:

Using chocolate:

peppermint
spearmint
cinnamon & cayenne
cardamon & ginger
pumpkin
orange
vanilla

Using butterscotch:
vanilla

cinnamon
cardamon
ginger
maple
molasses
nutmeg

Using white chocolate:

cranberry
persimmons
kiwi
lemons
limes
raspberry
blueberry

To make flavored syrups, you can buy the commercial syrups-(I can't guarantee veganness), or you can be all punk rock like me and wear a lab coat over your pajamas while mashing the fruit or fruit juice and mixing it with agave nectar or some sugar and water to make a simple syrup.

Mix your chocolate/butterscotch/white chocolate, milk, and syrup or sugar-( I usually throw 3T per every 8 oz.) over med heat until everything is nice and mixed. Don't set the heat on high or you'll burn your milk. Do you hear me? Trust me on that one.

What are you waiting for? Get moving. There's a 10 oz. mug of maple pecan butterscotch lurking in your pantry or grocery aisle.

Some just don't make the cut

2011-11-10T07:40:00.003-05:00

Here's a sammie that didn't make it into Celine and Tami's book. Eliminating recipes when your cook book is too full must be hard. I was bummed about this one getting the boot.

This is a barbecued eggplant over chard open faced dealy. Eggplant is such an egg-celent vegetable to bbq because the flesh lends itself to really absorb whatever you cook it in and it has a meaty texture. When this sweet n' spicy nightshade is paired with the creamy mayo flavor of a swiss chard slaw, well don't say I didn't warn you. If you're using GF bread, then this is an easy gluten free sandwich to throw together. This is also a signature sandwich for a summer bbq, or when you want to pretend you're having a summer bbq in the middle of a snowstorm.

Have you ever tested a recipe that didn't make the cut? You don't have to tell me what it was. Did it bum you out?

Third time is a charm for brioche

2011-11-08T07:32:00.003-05:00

One of the biggest fears I have is that I'll test for someone and have an enormous fail. I realize this is a horrible expectation because the title of Recipe Tester implies there will be some minor catastrophes. For Celine and Tami's sandwich cookbook, I wrestled with the brioche recipe quite a bit before I got it right.
For you folk scratchin' yer heads wondering what the hell brioche is-(don't worry, I did too!), lemme tell you about it: it's like challah had a wild n' crazy mating session with a croissant and had a loaf baby. Rich, slightly crisp on the outside and melt in your mouth buttery and spongy moist on the inside. My first attempt was a no, the second attempt was a slightly worse fail, and the third time was PERFECT. Thank the bread gods and goddesses.

This is the tofu n' greens briochewich from the upcoming cook book. Now, that tofu ain't your standard scrambly thing. There's some stuff in it that'll blow your mind. You'll buy the book, look at the recipe, and go "No way. There's no way those ingredients will work!" But you trudge the happy road of destiny and surprise your mouth. It's a deal maker.

HEY BETH! Don't forget to give me your information so I can mail you your copy of Papa Tofu Loves Ethiopian! I'm giving you until the 15th to respond, or I'll move down the list and give the zine to someone else. Send your information to noexcusesprivatechef@gmail.com

PPS- If you're a hardcore PITA Vegan fan, check out my interview on All Things Vegan Radio in Bend, OR! The fine ladies from the show had an interview with me at Vida Vegan Con.

When faced with non-vegan breakfast...

2011-11-07T06:58:00.003-05:00

I no longer pine for what the omnis are eating or get jealous over their food. Nope. My many suggestions to Sweetwater's Donuts-(yep, that's how they spell it) to carry a vegan line have fallen on deaf ears, and whenever my buddies from MI come to visit us, they bring a box of joy with them. I'm tellin' you, SW doughnuts are awesome.

You know what would be REALLY RAD? If my gaggle of vegan foodies and omni reading fans went to the website and suggested en masse that the Stadium Drive location start carrying a vegan line. Emphasize that veg heads from a tri state area would likely stampede for one. If they need an example you can always tell them about Voodoo Doughnuts being profitable for offering the vegan option. So click on the link in the first paragraph, and contact them with the suggestion. DO IT! Do you hear me, Mindy?

The sandwich shown above is my response to that box of doughnuts whispering, It's okay Jen. The vegan police don't have to know. Eat one.

The problem is I KNOW. What is it I'm craving? Crunchy? Buttery? Sweet? Chocolatey? Well, If I grill me a sammich with chocolate chips, peanut butter, and a few banana slices I have better than a doughnut. I have a Knownut.

Clinging to gardening season

2011-11-06T08:42:00.002-05:00

The tomatoes have been put to rest, the land has been mulched, the garlic has been planted for a spring harvest, stuff has been washed, chopped, and stored in the freezer. The greens are still standing--this makes me feel alive. I'm happy when I can garden for as long as possible.

But soon this will end. What will I do? I have a small light system and I plan on keeping a tomato plant alive during the winter as well as growing some greens. I hope this works. I absolutely refuse to buy robo tomatoes.

Pictured above is the Talbot in a Jar from True Grub. I put it on some toasted farm bread and served it with a salad of greens from my very own condo garden. I am in LOVE with arugula. How could I have ignored this green for so long? I put it in just about everything, and I mean everything. Mr. J. got really mad the other night when he saw me snuggling with a bunch of it in bed. Tee hee.

PS- side note: people have asked me where I acquired my plate set. Get ready for this! K-Mart. That's right, K-Mart. Jaqueline Smith Collection.

Ode to "Meatballs": I give you The Tripper

2011-11-05T08:03:00.004-04:00

When I made this concoction, I just didn't care. Really. I was ravenously hungry, the kids were whining about something, and I just wanted everyone to shut up and eat. I wasn't thinking about the classic 1979 wonder known as"Meatballs" with Bill Murray. No way. If you don't know about this epic summer camp comedy classic, shame on you.

As I ate this, I kept hearing the words from his motivational speech to Camp North Star run laps in my brain, and I thought--he's right. It just doesn't matter.

I guess my point is, one doesn't have to have mad fancypants culinary skills at every single meal. You can be a perfectly happy vegan throwing a bunch of shit together and slapping it on some bread. Omni's do it all the time. It is how magical sammies are made, really.

I'm calling this one "The Tripper" after Bill Murray's character in the movie. You take some wheatballs from RR's Vegan On The Cheap, brown them in a skillet with a little brags n' vegan worc. sauce and set aside. Toast a cibatta roll or slices of cibatta bread and slather it with a sauce made of 1/3 vegan parm, 2/3 vegan mayo, black pepper, two cloves of garlic, and some Ms. Dash. I'm pretty sure I used chard on this one, but spinach, arugula, or any kind of leaf lettuce will make this work because it just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. It just doesn't...

I'm souper, thanks for asking.

2011-11-04T07:06:00.002-04:00

I can't sit around and eat sandwiches all day, can I? Well, of course I can. I just need to leave some room for soup. One of the directors at work brought in a soup cookbook that had several vegan soup recipes. I really wish I had remembered the name of the book. Soup is in the title. Good luck finding it.

Anyway, this recipe tugged at my inner curious George because it had an odd combination of flavors: potatoes, arugula, apples, and it was all topped with some toasted walnuts. I've never had cooked arugula before, it always looks kind of gross.

This was a nice change of pace from the traditional Fall staple of squash soup or chili. Very comforting, the potatoes dance with the apples and they invite the arugula for a little swingin' if you know what I mean. Cooked arugula isn't as strong, and you've probably guessed it is one of my new favorite greens. I have a nice sized patch in my front yard and I've been harvesting from it for a month, with no signs of slowing down.

Does anyone have a good recipe for falafel that uses garbanzo flour instead of whole cooked beans?

Now back to sammiches...

2011-11-03T07:55:00.003-04:00

It always happens--I need a 48 hour blogging detox after MOFO. I've tried to avoid it, I just can't. Thanks for your patience.

Hey y'all, with all that MOFO-ing going on, have you missed hearing me plug Celine and Tami's sandwich cookbook? Good. Here's one that is perfect for breakfast or snacking. Hell, I eat at any time of the day. These are the tempeh bacon and apple turnovers with pomegranate dipping sauce. Say that three times really fast. You can't? Oh yeah--drool tends to block one from a good tongue twister.
Savory smoky tempeh bacon, apples, and pomegranate will make your mouth extremely happy.

So good, you'll defy gravity! See how that works? I never thought commercial puff pastry would be vegan, but there you go! When you're all done eating your dinner, don't forget to make a little something from Isa and Terry's new pie cookbook!

MOFO Day #31: SEASON FINALE Give Your Heart To Eric

2011-10-31T07:13:00.011-04:00

First of all, I LOVED reading everyone's epic kitchen fail stories. It was a tough call to make, and I chose Beth and her bombed beer bread brick. Beth, send your information to noexcusesprivatechef@gmail.com. There's nothing worse than trying to win a crush over with food, gross them out, and have them laugh at you. It's much like a vampire ripping your heart out and slurping on it like a juice box.

Which brings me to the MOFO 2011 Season Finale of True Grub. If I were a vampire, I would never bite anyone's neck, I'd only do 'em in this way. The whole thing was so awesome I watched it over and over a few times. I was on a crusade for the rest of the month to think of how I could recreate a vegan heart and give it to myself for Halloween.
An apple a day! Get a big one. REALLY BIG!

Core out the middle and scoop out the seeds. I imagine a melon baller would be great, but all I had was a knife and spoon.

Hmmmm--will this work? This was starting to look like a fail. I have a degree in art. Surely I should be able to make a human heart out of an apple. Think, Jen--THINK!
Think outside the apple: I made a mixture of vegan graham cracker crumbs, food coloring, peanut butter, POM juice and a banana. The results were so badass, Alan Ball called me and asked me to quit my job at the garden center and work as a writer/special effects assistant.
Coming together nicely, ain't it? I soaked some dried cherries in warm water and rolled them like a snake to get my dark red veins.
Crude, yes. Think about it--have you ever seen a heart look all nice and neat when pulled out of someone's chest? I didn't think so. I filled the apple with the remaining POM juice.

It was so tasty! Substantial snack and drink all at once. Happy Halloween, y'all and thanks for reading this month. Looks like we raised $20 for the animal shelter and food bank. Will I ever give up on my million hit goal during MOFO? Never. It's good to aim high. It forces one to reach out to others and ask for help because no one can do huge things alone unless you're a vampire, and True Blood has shown that doesn't always work for the undead.

I hope you enjoyed yourselves, squirmed some, had a few laughs, and realized that being vegan is a ton of fun.

MOFO Day #30 True Grub: King of the Bill Cake and a GIVEAWAY!

2011-10-30T14:39:00.006-04:00

As far as I know there are three factions in True Blood: Team Bill, Team Eric, and Team Alcide. ((groan)) Thanks from the bottom of my black heart, Twilight People.

What's wrong with being Switzerland in this scenario? Much like Sookie, I love all three. Hate me if you must, but I do. Is Bill a douche for what he's done to our little Fairy? Of course he is. He does have his redeeming qualities, he's a much better king than Sophie was queen. Those eyes. What happened to his sideburns? Is that a no-no in vampire royalty? I decided I'd take on the task of making him a cake--a King of the Bill Cake, which is just Kittee's King Cake recipe. I've been sworn to secrecy, so I cannot disclose the recipe.

Here's what I will tell you: the King Cake is a big ol' ring of cinnamon buns. Imagine making the log of dough and instead of cutting it up into individual rolls, you form it into a big circle. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. There's a learning curve kids, and the final product looked like a half inflated inner tube.

I think I wasn't paying attention to the temperature of warm liquid when I added in the yeast. Or maybe my yeast was bad. I could go on all day about it, but I will tell you that it wasn't a total fail taste wise. I improvised my own filling of cherries and chocolate chips and made some blood sugar sprinkles. It was good to me, but I'm sure a King Cake Connoisseur like Kittee would do a face palm and send me to detention.

So on this day before Halloween tell me about a kitchen fail and you could win a prize. Whuuuut? When I was at Vida Vegan Con, I bought TWO copies of Papa Tofu Loves Ethiopian by Kittee. One was for me, and the other one is for one lucky PITA vegan reader. I had planned to do this much sooner, but I got bogged down with some stuff at home. Sorry.

So get those stories to me by 4pm EST on Halloween.

Yes, I know that's tomorrow. So get to gettin'. Tell everyone you know about this contest and I look forward to reading about your epic fails.

MOFO Day #29True Grub: Luna's Quinoa Burgers

2011-10-29T13:15:00.004-04:00

The scene they didn't show: Luna pitching her quinoa burger to Sam. "It's a protein packed powerhouse." She says. Sam smiles, "I have your powerhouse right here."

Remind me to never write fan fiction.
Luna describes the patty as a slightly spicy blend of quinoa, roasted peppers, and white beans with some spices. Blended together they produce gorgeous orange veggie burger that tastes great plain or with toppings. She served mine warmed in pita halves with some chili and Antonia's Gone Bananas Salsamole.
Don't forget the yam fries and beannaise.

Luna's Quinoa Burgers-To make GF, use GF bread and toppings.

2 c. cooked quinoa
2 c. cooked white beans
2 roasted poblano peppers-washed, seeds removed
2 roasted red peppers, ditto
1 roasted banana pepper, ditto
2 t. onion powder
2 t. salt
1/2 t. paprika
1 t. garlic powder
1 t. oregano

Blend everything in a food processor while you heat up a griddle or non stick pan. Brush the griddle with a little canola oil. The mixture will be pretty messy: not dry, and not soupy--somewhere in between. Take a spoon and scoop tennis ball sized dollops of the mixture on the griddle. Using damp fingers, press down on the patties to flatten them to about 1/4 -1/2 inch thick--don't burn your fingers! Use your spatula to make these shift into squares or circles, your stomach doesn't really care. Cook for 4-5 on one side, flip cook for another 4-5, flip and cook for another 2 minutes. The patties should be crispy on the outside. This mix makes a shitload so you'll probably want to have your oven set to warm (200) and put them in there as you go along. Fix with your favorite toppings on your preferred brand bread. I used pita because a) it was all I had, and b) you don't want to trump the awesome texture and flavor of this burger with a big assed bun.

MOFO Day #28 True Grub: Behold The Pork Rind Casserole

2011-10-28T07:13:00.003-04:00

When Hoyt's mamma isn't making her infamous fruit loop pancakes or butterfinger enchiladas, she's perfecting her pork rind casserole. When I heard her offer her culinary skills to Sam during the final episode of the most recent season, I rewound the clip. Pork Rind Casserole? WTF? I'm so on that.

My Alma Matter Interweb Universiteh gave me a brief history: it's a casserole topped in pork rinds. It can be sweet or savory--ew! Most recipes were the things of church potlucks everywhere: something cheesy, something starchy, some vegetable to make it appear healthy, and topped with pork rinds. Simple enough.

I looked high and low online for this crazy snack and found some, but really didn't have it in my budget to pay $6 plus $12 to ship. Sigh. Online businesses. One of my vegan pals mentioned using rice pasta and I dismissed it. Then I started thinking about it, " I do have a ton of rice wraps. How am I going to do this?" I whined. My spousal unit shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well soak the rice wrap, blot with a paper towel and fry it in that vegan bacon grease you made the other day."

What an awesome spouse he is. And seriously, with a mind like that he needs to just go vegan already.

So I did just that.

Fryin' the pork rinds. It does take a while, so you need to be patient. Read a book but do it by the stove, because you're gonna fry the shit out of some rice paper wraps.
Finished product. Of course I tasted them. For the omni and newly vegan set--they tasted all for the world like chicken skin cross bred with pork skin. Salty and greasy.
Casserole comes to fruition: cubed baked potatoes, cheddar daiya, broccoli, onions, creamed corn, plain oat milk, garlic powder, onion powder, and some salt. Topped with vegan pork rinds lightly salted in garlic salt and baked at 350 for about 30 minutes covered, then 10 minutes uncovered.

Did you notice that was gluten free? I hope so.

I did take this to my UU all congregation church pot luck and it was gone in less than 10 minutes.

MOFO Day #27 True Grub: Covenly Tacos

2011-10-27T07:24:00.003-04:00

Benefits of being a witch:

Badass Spells
Medium powers
Best friends with Guys who listen to Stevie Nicks
Access to lots of herbs
Glowing eyes
Lots of holidays to celebrate

Downside of being a witch:

Frumpy clothes
It sucks being on a broomstick in the rain
What if you're not into chanting?
That whole Goddess thing
Unfaithful followers
Ingredients that are probably not vegan

When I was little, I wanted to be a witch in the worst way. I wanted to have powers that made my childhood bullies cry like little bitches, turned people into toads, and did all my homework. I recall emptying my mother's spice cabinet and mixing all of her extracts and herbs, then mushing it with a banana and making my brother drink it. He ended up barfing everywhere and I couldn't watch television for a week. TELEVISION!

Lesson? Being a solo practitioner is a dangerous thing. It is better to work in a group. When these ingredients stand alone, they're kind of lame. When hangin' together in a recipe coven, the flavors do something that is a little crafty.

I bring you, Covenly Tacos

A soft tortilla filled with breaded seasoned eggplant, a touch of daiya, green with envy salsamole, and a little beannaise.
Check it out y'all.

These go really well with Jessica's Virgin Strawberry Daiquiri.

To make the tacos you'll need:

soft tortillas
daiya cheese
1 medium eggplant

Marnie's Eggplant Fries

Breading Mixture
3/4 c. corn meal
3/4 c. oat flour
1 heaping T of Ms. Dash chipotle blend
1 t. paprika
1 t. onion powder
1 t. salt
1/2 t. garlic powder
mix together in a bowl

set aside in a shallow dish:
1 cup plain unsweetened soy milk
2 cap full of AC vinegar
wait a minute or so and whisk

Wash, peel, and slice your eggplant into steak fries. With one hand dip the pieces in your buttermilk, then carefully roll them in the breading mixture with the other hand. Lay on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 12 minutes on one side, and 15 on the other. You want them to be tender and a little crispy on the outside. If you wanna go big, deep fry them, but I was trying to avoid it. I just can't eat fried shit every day.

Antonia has gone bananas salsamole
1 c. chopped combo of green tomatoes & tomatillos
1 peeled kiwi
1 small onion chopped
3 banana peppers, finely chopped
juice of 1 lime
2 cloves of garlic
1/2 c. cilantro
2 t chopped jalapenos (optional)
pinch of salt
1 c. avocado

Puree the green stuff with the garlic, then add your onion, peppers, lime, cilantro, jalapenos, and salt. This will taste weird on its own, but trust me people it makes the taco work.

Assembling the tacos:

Grill your tortilla with a little of the daiya on top until melty. Add your cooked eggplant, a spoonful or two of the salsamole, and add a teaspoon of beannaise. Feel free to eat while sitting in a circle plotting to bring down the vampire race.

MOFO Day #26 True Grub: Jessica's Virgin Strawberry Daiquiri

2011-10-26T09:05:00.001-04:00

You don't have to be like King of the Bill and make a waywardly yet hot read headed virgin vampire out of punishment by The Authority. Nope. You can make a virgin drink instead.
Seriously, folks. This ain't complicated. This is a glass of cool, refreshing, and sweet strawberry bliss. Just like Vampire Jessica.

You'll need:
1 can of cold ginger ale
1 heaping cup of frozen strawberries
a blender

Can you guess what you need to do? That's right, put the strawberries in the blender, add the ginger ale and make it slushy. Goes well with Covenly Tacos, which I'll talk about tomorrow.

MOFO Day #25 True Grub: Amy's Awesome Arugula Potato Salad

2011-10-25T07:02:00.003-04:00

I really wanted to make something completely red and raw in honor of Lizzy Caplan's character in season one. I tried making a cauliflower couscous, but that didn't seem sexy enough. Amy is a wacko fer sure, but she has a sweet side. Right before she killed Stephen Root, she said something about being a raw vegan. We all know that vampnapping, draining, and killing the undead isn't vegan. Argue this point with me if you wish, but I stand by my belief. The act of draining is a product of the undead suffering. And using V is illegal.

I'm so funny. I make this sound as if all of this is real.

This salad is very, very real. I'm normally pretty hesitant about making posts about salads because lettuce as the center of vegan cuisine is a stereotype. How could I make this different? I took some fresh arugula and some red swiss chard from my garden and piled on roasted sweet potatoes with T. Marzetti's Simply Dressed Strawberry Poppy Seed Vinaigrette. So easy, and absolutely delicious. The key is to roast the potatoes in the dressing and add just a little bit extra on the salad. Perfection! People will think you went to culinary school to come up with that, but I won't tell anyone you're no fancy pants chef.

I received some of this dressing from FoodBuzz's Tastemaker Program, and thank both them and T. Marzetti for their support of food bloggers everywhere. I called the company and confirmed this particular flavor is vegan. Yay!

To roast the potatoes, simply peel and cube the sweet potatoes, toss in the dressing and bake in a pan at 350 for about a total of 45 minutes. Make sure you turn them about half way through. Because the dressing is olive oil based, they will be a tad greasy, but you can remedy this by blotting them with a paper towel after they cool.

If you don't have sweet potatoes around, I'm positive that roasted butternut squash or pumpkin would make awesome substitutions. If you use the butternut squash, add some walnuts. If you use the pumpkin, throw some toasted pumpkin seeds in the mix.

MOFO Day #24 True Grub: Russell Edgington's Spine Tingler

2011-10-24T07:00:00.005-04:00

Is your tired lentil loaf old news? Russell has a suggestion for you.
As he effortlessly removes the spine from the nighttime anchorman on TBBN, he emphasizes the a few crucial points:

During the month of October it is expected to make your dinner look gory. Try taking that veggie loaf recipe and turning it into something scary with some gruesome presentation.
Take care of your back. You'll never know when a crazy assed vampire king will come up from behind and mess it up beyond recognition on live television.
He is not in favor of the Vampire Rights Amendment.

I used this recipe. Really, just use your favorite. Shape into a spine and accent by coating the whole thing with some ketchup and accenting it with red pepper. Go big! Pairs well with mashed potatoes and a nice side salad.

And please, go see a chiropractor.

MOFO Day#23 True Grub: Favorite Entry?

2011-10-23T19:13:00.003-04:00

We interrupt this MOFO Blog with a Voodoo Black Bean Pesto Pizza followed by a question.

It's not that I'm running out of ideas--boy howdy, I have 'em. I'm just running out of time. I'm a multitasking fool and instead of sitting in my underwear blogging, I've been at work all day. Thank goodness Miss Jeanette brought me this pizza. I don't care if she is just a clerk at the local drug store. This lady can make a pie that will make you feel like you've died and been reborn as someone way cooler.

This cilantro pesto paste recipe is here, although it lacks measurements because I honestly just throw a bunch of shit in a blender and it turns out right every time. If you want your pesto to have a little kick, throw a half cup of fresh arugula and a jalapeno in with the mixture.

I utilized pre-made pizza crust from Aver's ( a little over $2.50 for a ball of ready to bake dough). I piled on some black beans, shredded carrots, roasted zucchini, and cherry tomatoes. Finger lickin' good and magical.

So tell me PITA Vegan readers, what has been your favorite True Grub entry so far? Are you prepared for an excellent last week?

Hang on to your spines. That's all I'm gonna say.

MOFO Day #22 True Grub: Lettie Mae's Hoe Cakes

2011-10-22T09:51:00.005-04:00

It's Saturday morning and Lettie Mae feels guilty about shaming me for being Jewish, so she made me up a nice batch of hoe cakes. Vegan, even! Just like Tara says, it's all about the bacon grease. No problem, that can be made vegan too.
I scored some of this at the food pantry. There's an oil for everything. This stuff is super boss and I've used it for a cookie recipe and for the bacon grease for the hoe cakes. Satan himself approves.
As you can see, the trick is just cooking some no-bacon bitz-(tvp with seasonings or store bought) in the oil with a little liquid smoke an sesame oil.
You want the oil to cook for a bit, to bring out the bacon flavor--watch it foam. Cool the oil and drain with a fine mesh sieve.

Look, it's hoe cakes! Pay no attention to The Devil. Lettie Mae will get him on out of your house with a little sage and some singin'.

These soak up the syrup, so make sure you have plenty on hand.

Lettie Mae's Hoe Cakes

Bacon Grease

2 t. sesame oil
1/8 c. macadamia nut oil or some other rich oil suitable for frying-(NOT OLIVE!)
couple drops of liquid smoke
2T bacon bitz-(look at the ingredients to make sure it is vegan)

Heat oil in skillet, and add bitz. Cook on medium for several minutes, stirring. You want to see the oil foam. Turn heat off and cool oil, setting aside to apply to the griddle.

Hoe Cake Batter

1 c. corn meal
1 c. sorghum flour
1/2 t. salt
1.5 t of baking soda
2 flax seed eggs-(2 T ground flax seeds mixed with 6T hot water and set aside)
1 c. Amande cultured almond milk, or plain coconut or soy yogurt
1 c. soy, almond, rice, --you get the idea. Non dairy milk.

Get your old Staples Singers records out to set the mood. Heat your griddle or cast iron skillet and apply the bacon grease. Mix wet ingredients together with wire wisk. Add wet to dry ingredients and scoop out the thick batter in 1/3 cup increments on your griddle/skillet. Cook on med heat for 3-4 minutes on one side, then another 4-5 on the other. They'll be nice and golden brown. Serve with your favorite syrup. Mr. J. said these reminded him of sweet tamales with subtle tones of bacony goodness. I thought they tasted like fried mush.

MOFO Day #21 True Grub: Talbot in a Jar

2011-10-21T07:29:00.006-04:00

Okay, I'll come clean. Eric didn't kill Talbot to avenge his family, I staked him because I'm nowhere near my 1 million US hit goal. I'm pretty sure that staking a vampire isn't vegan. My demented logic tells me so the f*ck what, Talbot's a vampire and could kill me with no remorse. So I had to kill him.

As you know I can't shut up about my 1 million US hit goal for MOFO. It's important to me, because that money is going to charity. So far, I've had around 4,300 hits, and I'm not entirely sure they are all from the US. If they are that's $12 from FoodBuzz for me to give to 2 local charities, which really isn't a lot--but most certainly helps. I know we can do better, people. So start clicking and telling every one of your friends they need to visit That PITA Vegan. I don't think we'll make the million hits, but I'd really like to get as close as possible. Last year, I made $15 and my spouse matched it for a total of $30 to contribute to my local food bank. $1 buys 7# of food I think. Talbot was so gorgeous. Please don't make me kill any more vampires.

Russell doesn't know it, but I secretly replaced his Jar of Talbot with a delicious concoction of eggplant, spices, and tomato paste.

This is a gorgeous, thick, and rich sauce perfect for a Stromboli, sandwich, pasta, or calzone.
I used mine in a savory stuffed pancake. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before--that was sheer genius. Absolutely Divine.

Talbot in a Jar

1 c. tomato paste
1 c. water
2 t. minced garlic (dried)
1 T. balsamic vinegar
1/2 t. salt
2 T olive oil
1 medium eggplant (about 4 c. worth) washed n' diced--yes, you can peel it if you hate the skin.
1 small zucchini diced

Heat oven to three fiddy. Spray a loaf pan with some canola oil spray and set aside. In a bowl mix all of the ingredients with your**clean** hands and pretend you are cleaning up a staked vampire. It's pretty gross. Put the mixture in the loaf pan, cover with foil, and stick that in the oven for about a half an hour. Check on it, give it a stir, and bake for another half hour or until the eggplant is sort of translucent and falling apart---y'know, like a vampire that just met True Death.

MOFO Day#20 True Grub: Alcide's Comeback Sauce (Sweet Version)

2011-10-20T07:53:00.002-04:00

Let me preface this by saying I know you're at your computer snickering about the idea of "comeback" sauce, and might not even know what it is. I have a 14 year old boy in my brain too, so I'm not bothered. You should read the interesting history of this Southern condiment. I came across it researching Mississippi cuisine, and that was the first suggestion. Funny, huh? I was sure it would have been peanut butter and banana sandwiches courtesy of Elvis.

If you're really smart, you'll know this photo is just a shot of the red pepper cream sauce from the other day. Every food blogger has their moment, I guess. This is also what the original batch of Alcide's Comeback Sauce looked like when I first made it. Oh Alcide, and his awesome sauce. ((((giggling)))))

Then I tasted it. Ew. Alcide's sauce was not what I expected. Back to the drawing board.

There are three kinds of condiment people: dill pickle people, sweet pickle people, and those weirdos that like both. I think Alcide is a Sookie Sauce fan, so I'm SOL. I'm a dilly fer sure, and I think the reason this recipe bothered me was because it was a sweeter condiment. So if you're a sweet pickle or bread n' butter pickle fan, this should be right up your alley.

Alcide's Comeback Sauce

1.5 c. white beans
1/2 c. olive oil, set aside
1/4 c. fig infused vinegar (Alessi brand)
1/4 c. ketchup
1/4 c. water
1.5 t. horseradish
1/2 t. cayenne
1/2 c. salted cashews
1 GIGANTIC clove of garlic or two smaller cloves
3 dash of white pepper
1 t. worc. sauce (Kroger brand is vegan)
2 t. Bragg's liquid aminos

Mix everything together in a blender, minus the olive oil. Drizzle that in last. Store in fridge or this can be frozen.

MOFO Day #19 True Grub: Tommy's Shifting Calzone

2011-10-19T06:44:00.004-04:00

I know there isn't anything that screams Italian when you hear the name Tommy Mickens, but I bet that didn't stop him or his ma and pa from eating their fair share of pizza dough. I imagine the local joint delivered to a certain address in Arkansas quite a bit and probably got stiffed on a tip or scared away because a giant pit bull answered the door.
I chose dough largely for its shifting properties. If you think about it on an extremely deep level, all food shape shifts. I just think dough wins the ultimate prize because of its elasticity. Normally I just make my own pizza dough, but I was feeling mighty lazy so I bought two giant balls (heh-heh, two balls) from Aver's for less than $6 bucks. The beauty of this, of course is I didn't have to **wait** for my dough to rise, and I got to call the shots with the toppings.

I started by spreading the dough out and trying to use my wasted time in art school to make a dog. It was a tremendous and glorious fail, just like the Mickens Family.
It looks more like a cave painting, don't you think? I changed my mind and made this:
A crude alligator for my favorite Tommy Shifting Moment. Yeah, it wasn't as easy as I thought. Wasn't that cool when Sheriff Bellefleur saw a big gator in the back of Sam's van? I considered lying about my ability and claiming my 4 year old son did this, but that would just be pathetic. I filled it with some of Mr. J's pizza sauce with the wheat ball recipe from Vegan on the Cheap and served it with some roasted red pepper cream sauce.

CHOMP!

I pretty much have a crush on the entire cast of True Blood, but I have a special soft spot for Marshall Allman's character. I got really misty eyed when he had met his demise and his last words were "Hell is a dog fight." Then I proceeded to blubber because I thought about all of my canine friends that are abused, unloved, and forced to fight for nothing more than the greed and amusement of a human being that should really know better. Sigh.

YOU can help me help some local dogs by letting everyone you know about my 1 million US hit goal for the month of October. FYI, we are NOWHERE near that goal-(close to 4,000 hits as of today which equals $12), but that doesn't mean you can't try. The money from FoodBuzz will go to two local charities, one being the Monroe County Humane Association.

Please, please, and please help. Thanks

Easy Roasted Red Pepper Cream Sauce

2 rectangles of White Wave Garlic Herb Tofu-you know, the prepared kind at the store
1 roasted red pepper-(if using store bought, make sure it equals at least 1/2 c.)
2 T olive oil
pinch of salt
1/4 c. plain coconut creamer
2 cloves of garlic
1/4 nutritional yeast-(optional)

Put everything in a blender and puree the shit out of it. Goes great with bread sticks or fresh veggies.

MOFO Day #18 True Grub: Cooter's Hash w/ Alcide's Comeback Sauce

2011-10-18T05:00:00.000-04:00

Have you been out all night hangin' out with Cooter? I hope to God that's not his birth name. Perhaps it is something more dignified like Charles, Rutherford, or Winston.

I can tell you've been up to something devious. Have you been vamp napping for The King of Mississippi? Just look at those dark circles under your eyes. Sit down, have some coffee, and have a plate of Cooter's Hash.
It's not that complicated. It's just chopped up baked potatoes that are fried with onions, seitan, and topped with Alcide's Dilly of a Comeback Sauce. Get some toast and juice to go with your hash and coffee--you're on your way to recovering from your shenanigans at Lou Pine's Bar.

Oh, and don't worry about that branding on your shoulder. I'm sure it is some weird initiation thing. It's probably a reminder to tell all of your friends in the USA about my 1 million US hit goal for MOFO.

MOFO Day #17 True Grub: Sheriff Bellefleur's Beignets

2011-10-17T05:00:00.002-04:00

It wouldn't be right if I made an entry dedicated to Chris Bauer's character Sheriff Andy Bellefleur without referencing the love affair with cops and doughnuts.

Cops like doughnuts and coffee. It's true. While some prefer ones filled with custard or jelly, Andy enjoys his spiked little V. Since this is a True Blood themed MOFO, I couldn't go the entire month without making beignets. So I did.

Andy is also a fan of Peet's Coffee. FoodBuzz's Tastemaker Program sent me a care package with two different kinds of Peet's and I chose to pair the Cafe Domingo with Sookie's Sticky Buns, then paired the lil' fritters with Cafe Solano. This was a match made in heaven. The robust flavor of Solano was just the thing with the deep fried sweet goodness of the beignets. Seriously, my house smelled like a doughnut shop and for an elastic second I pretended that I wasn't me, but the owner of the Bon Temps Bakery. Thanks to FoodBuzz and Peet's Coffee for making this experience so complete.

Have I mentioned I've never had or made these babies before?

I glossed over many recipes on teh interwebs, and all of them were basically the same: flour, fat, evaporated milk, eggs, yeast, and deep fried. I figured I couldn't possibly fuck this one up because it involved frying.

I was correct. Check out this recipe I veganized and have a little Cafe Du Monde at home. To fill these with your V spiked custard, take one 6 oz. container of vanilla vegan yogurt and add a little strawberry or raspberry jam to it. You can use a piping bag with an extra fine tip, but I got all punk rock and used my kids wide mouthed plastic syringe. Hardcore, right?

Sheriff Bellefleur's Beignets

*Patience pants: you WILL need to refrigerate this dough overnight. So don't make these in the morning thinking you'll surprise everyone with fresh doughnuts. That ain't gonna happen. This recipe makes a shit ton, so you can half the recipe if you so desire, but I just threw the leftover dough in the freezer. I'm such a scientist.

2 1/4 t. yeast
1 1/2 c. warm water
1/2 c. sugar
1 t. salt
2 T ground flax seeds
one 6oz. container of vanilla or plain vegan yogurt-room temperature or warm
1/4 c. vegan liquid coffee creamer-room temperature or warm
7 c. AP flour
1/4 c. spectrum shortening
powdered sugar for dusting fresh doughnuts
oil for frying

Get a mixer or a food processor with a dough hook to mix this. Combine your yeast, sugar, and water--set aside. You want to see it foam so you know the yeast is good. Measure out your flour, salt, flax seeds, and put this in the food processor/mixer. Add your water/sugar/yeast mixture, then the yogurt, then the creamer, and add tablespoons of the shortening last. The dough will be SUPER sticky, so don't freak out like Sheriff without his V. Using a rubber spatula scrape out the dough and put in a greased bowl. Cover it and put in the fridge overnight.

In the morning, dust a clean counter space with extra flour and roll out your dough in small batches. Get your Fry Daddy or stock pot ready for frying by filling it with several inches of oil. If you're gonna go big and fry the whole recipe, heat an oven up to 200 degrees so you can put finished batches in the oven to keep warm.

Get the dough about 1/8 inch thick and cut into little squares with a pizza cutter. Once the oil has heated throw a few squares into the heated oil and watch 'em float. This is really cool. Monitor closely, they'll puff up quite a bit, and turn them over to fry on the other side. Once a golden brown, take the finished beignets out to drain on paper towels. Immediately sprinkle with the powdered sugar so it sticks to the hot doughnuts.

Play some zydeco and enjoy these with coffee with cream. I served these to my family and friends and all were really impressed. They could hardly believe they were vegan. I ended up being the only one that liked the custard filled ones, so don't feel like you have to fill these, they are fine plain.

MOFO Day #16 True Grub: God Hates Fangs BBQ Sauce

2011-10-16T05:00:00.001-04:00

Now there's nothin' I like better than a little BBQ after hearing the Good News of Hope on a Sunday Mornin'. Y'see I quit going to Temple and hanging out with Sookay after I was invited to this new place called Fellowship of the Sun. Say whuuuuut? It's a really cool church that opened up here in Btown. Reverend Steve Newlin has the most inspiring things to say, and Sarah makes the BEST BBQ I have ever tasted. Sweet, spicy, and just a touch of something I couldn't think of. The cool flavors of cauliflower, parsley, lemon, and a touch of mint from the raw couscous from Matt Amsden's Rawvolution made an excellent side dish.
When I asked her what was in the sauce, she giggled and said, "Oh, it's a Texas secret that only confirmed members know about. There's lots of garlic in it. You still have some learning and reprogramming to do."
Then everything went black.

When I woke up I was still sitting at the table, but my hair had been cut and styled into a sensible blond bouffant and I was wearing a lovely cream colored pantsuit.

My first thoughts were I sure do hate vampires and I wanted more BBQ.

MOFO Day #15 True Grub: Hunter's Pie

2011-10-15T05:00:00.002-04:00

Yeah-yeah, I know it's supposed to be souffle. Go ahead, make it into a souffle and blog about it. I don't own a ramekin, and if I went door to door in my neighborhood asking people if they owned one, they would probably call Homeland Security. Sigh. Life in a small Indiana town.

I was intrigued by Maryann's concoction made with the heart of Bon Temp's local Hoodoo woman and fed to Tara and Eggs. They got real cray-cray after eating it and started simultaneously making out and beating one another. The power of food!

Could I veganize this? I wondered. I went over several vegetable combinations in my head and kept coming back to the good ol' beet. I gagged a little. For the record, I HATE beets. So I did some homework and researched flavors that go well with beets. I do enjoy oranges, and we all know sweet and savory flavors can do magical things. I crossed my fingers and hoped that it would work.
I used Kittee's pie crust recipe from Papa Tofu, which I believe is out of print--but you can go to pakupaku and click on the whole wheat pie crust recipe and write her to tell her how awesome she is. She'd like that.
I used my 50k spent in art school to sculpt that tiny crude heart. My ceramics prof would be disappointed. "Jennifer, didn't you learn anything from me?" She would say.

She'd take back those words after one bite. It totally worked! Holy Shit! I have found a way to enjoy beets.

My colleagues both omni and vegetarian loved it. So much in fact, Weebo the WonderOmni asked me the next day if I brought more and kept singing "She's my Hunter's Pie" to the tune of Warrant.

Maryann's Hunter Pie

Step 0, make the pie crust-(double batch) according to Kittee's directions. Make one crust and set the other roll of dough to the side.

Step one, the orgy of veggies and protein:

1/4 c. chopped onion
1 carrot-(get a purple one if you can!)
1 t. thyme
1/2 t. celery flakes
turns of black pepper
1/2 t. salt
3-4 dry sage leaves, crumbled
Saute this mixture in olive oil

after veggies are browned, add 1/4 c. red kidney beans and 2 c chopped seitan. Once that has browned even more, add 1 c. cubed cooked squash-( I used a mixture of butternut and patty pan)

Step Two, The Heart:

1 can of beets, draining the juice and setting aside

Step Three, The Blood:

1/2 c. chopped red pepper
beet juice
2 T. cornstarch
1 t. red food coloring-(optional, but it will get you a deeper red color)
1/3 c. blood orange juice
1 T pom juice

Blend the shit out of this in your blender. It will be very gross.

Assembling the Maenad marriage:
Put veggie and protein orgy in the cooked and cooled pie shell. Pour the red puree over the mixture and top with the raw second pie crust. I made fancy lattice work with a mini heart, but you can do whatever the hell you want.

Bake at 350 for 40 minutes and allow to cool for about 15-20.

Goes great with a nice green salad of arugula, toasted walnuts, and a simple vinaigrette dressing.

MOFO Day #14 True Grub: Jason Stackhouse Po Boy

2011-10-14T05:00:00.002-04:00

You have made a mighty fine mess of things Jason Stackhouse. You've charmed the pannies off women from Bon Temps to Dallas, was blamed for several murders, had a run in with V that led to a crazy boner, was possessed by a maenad, killed The Love of Tara's Life, fell for a meth cook in Hotshot, thought you might be a werepanther, and stole your best friends' gal. That's a lot of stuff for one guy to shoulder. But I've got something that will make you forget about everything.
Tofu Catfish. Fried stuff with sauce makes EVERYTHING BETTER.
See the magic happening as the nuggets bathe in hot canola oil?
Slap that on an everything hoagie bun with all the fixin's and Alcide's Dilly of a Comeback Sauce.
OOOOOOhhhhh.

This recipe was inspired by Dallas Vegan's post about vegan catfish. For the life of me, I couldn't find the recipe, so I had to improvise and come up with something from memory. For you new to veganism or omnis making food for your vegan friends, the key to capturing essence of the sea is seaweed and some Old Bay Seasoning. If you don't have OB, you can make your own or grab elements of the seasoning blend: hot pepper, black pepper, salt, bay leaves, and some paprika.

Tofu Catfish
1.5 c. garbanzos
14 oz pkg firm tofu
1/4 t. lemon pepper seasoning
1/4 t. fresh ground black pepper
1/2 t. salt
1/2 t. red pepper flakes
1 T powdered Nori
1/2 t celery flakes

Pulse everything in food processor, you want it chunky and not smooth. Set aside

Coating

1/3 c. cornmeal
1/4 c. oat flour
1/2 c. Rice Krispies (to make gluten free, you need to find GF crisp rice cereal, because Rice Krispies have barley malt in them, which some cannot tolerate)
1/4 t. cayenne
1 t. onion powder
1/2 t. garlic powder
pinch of coriander
1-2 t. salt
black pepper
couple dashes of paprika

Heat oil in your Fry Daddy or in a deep skillet at least 1 inch deep. Wait patiently.
I tried making shrimp shapes out of the tofu, but they ultimately fell apart. Make nuggets or patties out of tofu mixture and roll in the coating. Once the oil is hot, gently place your nuggets or patties in the oil. For a lower fat version, you can bake these in a 350 oven, just make sure you spray your pan with some non-stick spray and flip the patties or nuggets over after 7-9 minutes and cook for another 10. But baking these won't be as awesome as frying them. Duh.

Fry for a few minutes on one side, then several more minutes on the other. Drain your tofu catfish on paper towels and prepare your buns for some lovin':

Everything hoagie buns- (get GF if you are GF)
Italian flat leaf parsley
Fresh tomatoes
Thinly sliced red onion

You're in luck That PITA Vegan readers--I'm giving you a bonus recipe. Don't worry, I actually made TWO versions of Alcide's Comeback Sauce and will post the sweet version in another post. Rather than uncontrollably giggle while trying to explain what comeback sauce is, just click on this link. I personally think the savory dill version works better with the tofu catfish, but that's up to you. There are sweet pickle people and dill pickle people.

I'm a dilly fer sure. Totally.

Alcide's Dilly of a Comeback Sauce

1 c. PLAIN UNSWEETENED vegan yogurt
1/2 c. olive oil, set aside
1-2 t. Louisiana hot sauce
1 t. dijon mustard
1 t. nutritional yeast
1/2 t. miso
1 t. apple cider vinegar
1-2 big cloves of garlic
1 t. onion powder
1/4 t. cayenne pepper
1T Bragg's liquid aminos
1 T fresh dill

Blend everything together minus the olive oil, then slowly pour that in last. You will have a gorgeous, thick, and delicious chili dill mayonnaise perfect for everything, especially this sammich.

I realize I forgot about Food Blogger Friday last week! Silly me. Here's a fantastic fellow blogger that I met at Vida Vegan Con: Samantha at Novel Eats. She's super nice and her site is way informative, especially if you are new to planet vegan. Let's not forget the recipes! I envy her organization.

MOFO Day #13 True Grub: Debbie is on V again

2011-10-13T05:00:00.002-04:00

Poor Debbie Pelt. She leaves her super hot man Alcide for a scrappy moron named Cooter, and he gets her addicted to V. For the True Blood ignorant, V is the street name for vampire blood which heals most ailments, but also gets the user trippin' balls and strong as Lou Ferrigno. She gets her act together, attempts to build a life with Alcide again, and it's too late--he is in love with Sookay. Debbie just can't win. So what does she do?

I'm not going to give it all away, but I bet you can guess she caves and gets back on the V. She forgot that she entered the Renard Parish Bake Off in Bon Temps and had mad plans to win the contest with her Mississippi Mud Pie Bars. But she's too high to think straight, so she puts this together.
Pray tell, does she win? C'mon--of course she doesn't. Hollywood writers require that a minimum of one character on a premium cable series be perpetually miserable, and that lucky gal is Debbie. One of the judges was Maxine Fortenberry and she knows her Mississippi Mud Pie. No one ate these, so I grabbed the pan and made a mad dash back to Indiana.

They're not bad, easy to put together, and I bet you have the ingredients on hand right now. Go look for yourself. Are they there? Yep, I thought so.

Debbie is on V Again Dessert Bars

Prepare yourself by not giving a shit. Are you there? Good.

Get an 8x8 pan

1 package of Newman O's or Oreos
2T canola oil
1 c. chocolate chips
1/2 c. tofutti better than cream cheez or a vegan heavy cream
1/2 t. vanilla
4 overripe bananas

Run the cookies through a food processor, mix with the oil and press into the 8x8 pan. Puree the overripe bananas and cr. cheez or vegan heavy cream with the vanilla and pour on top of crust.

Put that in the freezer and freeze. Debbie has no idea how long to do this because she was sidetracked by her jealousy. And the V. Mostly the V.

When you know the bars are frozen, get the chocolate ready and melt it in a double boiler, with your microwave, or with a blow torch--the chocolate should be melted.

Pour mixture over the frozen bars and spread quickly. You're gonna have some science on your hands and it will get hard real quick. (((giggling))) I typed "hard."

Stick back in freezer and pull out about 20 minutes prior to serving. Cut bars with a bowie knife. If the bars look a little desperate, they're perfect! Devour with your friends.

MOFO Day#12 True Grub: Jesus Saves Chili

2011-10-12T05:00:00.000-04:00

Now that Fall is here, you need to get a batch of chili made. It's such a cheap dish, one recipe usually makes a metric butt load, fills you up, and is full of FIBER!

Everyone has their favorite recipe, and I don't really care which one you make. Just make it for Jesus, because of the ultimate sacrifice he made and I love him so. Not the Son of God-(he's pretty cool), but the super hot nurse/brujo/demon boyfriend of Lafayette's played by Kevin Alejandro. He's so dreamy. Me-yow.

I threw together a really mild one made with lentils and pieces of Grampy's Goat Tongue. I've been keeping the spices on my main dishes lower than usual so my daughter can eat what I make. I doctored mine up with some fresh cilantro, avocado slices, salsa verde, hot sauce, and a cornbread skull made with the recipe from Veganomicon. Where did I get the skull molds? Read about it here. Pieces of pepper and olive were perfect additions to bring out the skull's gorgeous features. I dressed the top of the skull with a little Queso For Lovers, one of my swag bag gifts at Vida Vegan Con. That stuff is more powerful than Jesus's ability to communicate with the dead.
If you're lost and overwhelmed by all the vegan chili recipes out there in the vegan blogging universe, here are a few of my favorites:

Eggplant chile mole from Appetite For Reduction- Super meaty with eggplant. If you miss Skyline Chili, this is the one for you.

If you're looking for an unusual white chili, you can try my Chili de Fogo that I made last year for Torque from the PPK.

My spousal unit makes the best chili on the planet with a Kroger seasoning mix, a three bean blend, and some smart ground. And he isn't even vegan!

Right now, everyone is raving about Mollyjade's chili recipe. You should totally buy the Sunny Days in Texas cook zine with that recipe and many more. I snagged one at Vida Vegan Con. $$ goes to an animal sanctuary!

MOFO Day #11 True Grub: Grampy's Goat Tongue

2011-10-11T05:00:00.001-04:00

Some people have all the luck. Some people have grandpas that make them goat's tongue for dinner followed by some lessons in black magic. All my grandpa ever did was take me to Big Bear to watch fireworks and sing songs about Kool-Aid. Why didn't I get a goat's tongue? I guess I'll have to make one myself. That's the great thing about being a vegan. I don't have to kill anything but some VWG and a can of beans to make great meat.

Once you make your wheat/bean meat dough shape it into a tongue. You remember anatomy class, right?
If you're not so hot with biology, just give it your best shot.
Wrap your tongue in foil and exaggerate the tongue shape, because it will swell when steaming.

Jesus's abuelo likes to serve his plain, which can be kind of boring. A flower and some chilies make the presentation slightly more attractive. Or you can grind your goat tongue up and mix it with some BBQ sauce, taco seasonings, or whatever.

Grampy's Goat Tongue

Dry Ingredients:

1 1/4 c vital wheat gluten
1/4 c soy flour
2T instant tapioca
1/2 t salt
1/2 t pepper
1/4 t cafe bustello
3/4 t oregano
2 t cumin
1 t chili powder
1/4 t cayenne-(optional for heat)
1 t garlic powder
2 t onion powder

Wet Ingredients

1/2 c mashed pinto beans or canned re fried beans
1/4 c red wine vinegar
1/4 c water
1/2 c pureed salsa (your favorite brand, I used my own)
2 T canola oil
2 T finely chopped pickled jalapenos (optional--this is for heat)
1 T hot sauce (optional if you like heat)
1 T of adobo sauce from a can of chipotles (optional if you like heat)
1 T worc. sauce (Kroger brand is vegan)

Mix wet and dry together to make your dough. Shape into tongues and wrap individually in foil, exaggerating the tongue shape. Steam for about 45-60 minutes, checking on them after 45. They should be firm. Cool completely, unwrap, and store in a tupperware container in the fridge. Plop your tongues in some tomato soup with salsa and surprise your friends.

MOFO Day #10 True Grub: Make Your Own True Blood

2011-10-10T05:00:00.000-04:00

This should have been the first entry, really. I'm not always thinking, so please forgive me.
You don't have to be a vampire or a drunk to enjoy this fruity and energizing concoction. If you are the kind that loves to drinky-drink, you could probably add a jigger or two of vodka or a fruity schnapps, but I don't think that's really needed. If you have a spooky glass, that's fine. I hear Pam and Nan have real fancy glasses they like to break out for their vegan friends. Plainer folk just serve it in a mason jar or Yahtzee tumbler.

Make Your Own True Blood

1/4 c. beet juice -(you can use the stuff from the can if you're in a pinch)
1/4 c. cherry flavored POM juice, or any pomegranate based juice
1/2 c. blood orange juice
1/2 c. blueberry iced tea -(any fruity iced tea will work)
1/2 c. club soda, tonic, or seltzer water

Pam's Cosmo
Add 1-2 jiggers of high end vodka.

Nan's Fuzzy Thigh
Add 1 jigger of peach schnapps
Replace tea and club soda with 1c. strawberry Boone's Farm

MOFO Day #9 True Grub: Hoyt's No-Fuss Maque Choux

2011-10-09T05:00:00.000-04:00

Hoyt don't wanna make no kind of fuss when it comes to cookin'. He keeps things really simple. Of course, until he falls in love with Jessica and his world is turned upside down. No more momma's boy--Hoyt is his own man now.

Since Jessica is a vampire, she doesn't eat and truth be told she doesn't really know how to cook. Hoyt's momma Maxine has done all the cookin' so Hoyt is a little challenged in the kitchen, God Bless Him.

Maque Choux-( Mah Shoe) is just tricked out corn. Even big ol' Yankee me felt perfectly at ease making this. It varies from parish to parish, but it's basically the same stuff. The first time I made it I used a can of cream corn and all my Louisiana friends laughed at me. One consoled me by saying the flavor was spot on, but it looked more like succotash. So I tried again.

I veganized this recipe by Emeril. I replaced the butter with Earth Balance and cut the amount in half. I added a few drops of liquid smoke and eliminated the jalapenos. I subbed the heavy cream with plain coconut creamer. It was mighty nice, just like ol' Hoyt.

This side goes well with any meal, especially Arlene's Etouffee. Enjoy.

MOFO Day #8 True Grub: G. Fairy Waffles with Light Fruit Syrup

2011-10-08T05:00:00.000-04:00

I know these waffles look awfully plain, but I assure you the flavor is not. Sookie's Fairy Godmother, Claudine was trying to perfect her recipe for these lemon-chamomile waffles before she became a supernatural juice box.

The flavors are subtle, so please try to play around if you please. This recipe is gluten free; however, you can make it with AP flour if that's how you roll. At this point, I have so many friends with a gluten intolerance, they could easily populate a magical fairy island.
Lemon Chamomile Waffles w/ Light Fruit Syrup

Waffles:

Dry Mix

1 1/4 c. sorghum flour
1 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
1 t xanthan gum

Wet Mix
1/4 c. lemon juice
2T lemon zest
1T Earth balance
1 c. vegan buttermilk or cultured soy/almond/rice/coconut milk
3T agave
1/2 c really strong chamomile tea
1/2 t vanilla

Light Fruit Syrup
2 c. of your choice of stone fruit (pluot, peaches, plums, apricots, etc.) and pear puree. I think I used 1c. stone fruit and 1c. of pears.

3T brown sugar

bring sugar and fruit to a rolling boil and cool.

Mix wet and dry into a nice batter. Make waffles according to your machine's instructions. Keep warm in a 200 degree oven if you're going to wait a while.

MOFO Day #7 True Grub: Sookie's Sticky Buns and Peet's Coffee

2011-10-07T05:00:00.002-04:00

Today's post is all about Sookay and her favorite kind of coffay. She's been to San Fransisco a number of times and enjoys stopping by Peet's Coffee for a cup of Cafe Solano or Cafe Domingo so she can stay up all night with her vampire friends. She loves Peet's so much she used her fairy powers to work with FoodBuzz Tastemaker's Program and Peet's sent me a sample care package so I could try their brew and pair it with the appropriate food. How sweet!
Even sweeter are Sookie's Sticky Buns. Sure, it looks like a meek cinnamon roll, but the beauty is the icing is on the BOTTOM. Get it, bottom=buns? I kill me. You want to see the beautiful cinnamon swirl on top, so the icing/glaze is at the bottom of the pan waiting for your tongue. To boot, these babies are gluten free. Why? Why not? I just like to try new stuff.

I veganized a recipe from Eating Gluten Free by Shreve Stockton. The rolls were good, but in my GF adventures, I have found GF baked goods to be whole 'nuther beast. I get something that still tastes good, but baked products tend to be a denser compared to non GF counterparts. Vegan & GF can be challenging, but still worth it. TIP: MUST use xanthan or guar gum. Otherwise, anything you make will crumble to dust like a staked vampire from an episode of Buffy. But this ain't about that show, it is about some True Grub.

A rich flavor with a hint of toffee, Cafe Domingo goes best with these rolls or any breakfast sweet treat. I closed my eyes and imagined I was on the True Blood set noshing on goodies by the craft services table and discussing fashion trends with Vampire Pam. Alan Ball slaps me on the back and asks me how my novel is coming along.

Okay back to reality. Life is good with a cup of Peet's, even better when Cafe Domingo hangs out with sticky sweets. Thanks to Peet's Coffee and FoodBuzz's Tastemaker program for giving me the opportunity to try this product! If you want to try Peet's, here's a coupon.

Back to baked goods. For you veganic experimenters and folks who have recently gone vegan--no need to get bummed if you have a gaggle of cookbooks and no room in the budget to buy a vegan cookbook. I'm gonna give you some tips to veganize baked stuff so you can make it vegan. It is easy and inexpensive to make cookies, breads, cakes, and rolls without butter, lard, eggs, and milk. Pretend you're a fairy just like Sookay and use this power! I do encourage you to buy one book at a time, or check out vegan cookbooks at your local library.

Do you see the magical "S" in the center of the roll?

Eggs: you have a few options. You can do the following to make a vegan egg in a baking recipe:

1 small mashed banana-(your baked goods will have banana flavor)
1T ground flax seed + 3T warm water. Set it aside for a few minutes and watch it turn into gelatinous goo that harms no one.
1/4 c. pureed silken tofu
1/4 c. applesauce-(I'm not wild about this one because I have found it makes my baked goods too dry)
NRG Egg Replacer- This is a mix you can buy at the health food store or find in the natural foods aisle at your mainstream grocer. It lasts forever. It is mostly potato and tapioca starch.
Jen's deviant experiment- If the fruit or veggie makes a slimy puree that mimics the quality of an egg, give it a try. I have had it work sometimes. Soaked instant tapioca, cornstarch and water warmed up and cooled, etc.

Butter:

Flax oil-this expensive and very nutritious oil has buttery tones and has worked for me when baking. You have to keep it refrigerated.
Canola oil
Earth Balance
Solid coconut oil
Spectrum Shortening
DO NOT use olive oil for baking. It won't work.

Milk:
You can make milk out of anything. You can also buy soy milk and a variety of other plant based milks at the store. When I bake, I make my own oat milk with 1 c. oats to 3 c water, put in a blender and strain*. Use the pulp as baby food or in another recipe. *=This ain't for drinking, this is for baking or cooking.

Avoiding wheat and soy:
Try making your own flour by running quinoa or millet in a coffee grinder, or buy the flour at the store. I find sorghum flour to be the best one for baking.

Avoiding nuts:
Peanuts and tree nuts are two different things. Many of my peanut and tree nut free friends swear by sunflower seeds, sunflower seed butter, and tahini. Both seed butters do produce a distinct flavor.

MOFO Day#6 True Grub: Tara's Dirty Rice

2011-10-06T05:00:00.001-04:00

I have yet to find a character on the show that I absolutely hate. Most people dislike Vampire Bill, but I find every character to have their own endearing qualities. Tara is one complex onion. In addition to being a sassy gal, she makes a mean dirty rice.

So mean, she will not share the precise recipe because it is just a little different every time. What sets hers apart from most dirty rice dishes is she throws 1/4 to 1/3 cup of roux in her rice in addition to her wheat meat, holy trinity of veggies, and seasonings. She always makes sure the seitan has been run through the food processor to mimic the gizzards-(ew!) in traditional dirty rice.
She has also been testing sandwiches for Tami and Celine's sandwich cookbook as well and paired the rice with the Cajun Lettuce Wraps from the upcoming cookbook. When testing the recipe she said, "I don't know what the f*&^ Ramen noodles are doing in this recipe, but I'll try it." That's Tara for you.

MOFO Day #5 True Grub: Arlene's attempt at Etouffee

2011-10-05T05:00:00.003-04:00

This show is chock full of illusions and secrets, I tells ya. But if you're a fan of the show, you already know that. Let's take Arlene Fowler for example, that hair--even a blind person could tell you that it is a dye job. As a fellow dyer, I love her for her crazy red hair. She's really from Michigan, and her Lee Press-On accent is just as real as Renee's. She also loves to do devious things like trick her omni friends with vegan cuisine.

Since she's a Northern gal like me, she doesn't have the method down just yet. She'll get better with time, just you see--and so will I!

Although Renee was totally fooled with this etouffee, the sampling by real Louisiana folk was not. I was told that I did not cook the roux long enough, and in hindsight I agree wholeheartedly. Another person said the soy curls made it taste weird, but I imagine soy curls are weird to an omni just like it seems odd to eat meat for a vegan. Who knows, but I noted it.

Arlene's attempt at Etouffee-(veganized version of recipe by Emeril Lagasse)

3 generous hand fulls of soy curls re-hydrated with 1/4 cayenne pepper

2T Veg oil
8T Earth Balance
3/4 c. brown rice flour
1 c. onion
1/2 c. celery
1/2 c. bell pepper
2 bay leaves
2 cloves of garlic
1 quart veggie stock
2 t brown sugar
1/4 c. hot sauce
1T vegan worc. sauce
1/4 c. chopped parsley

Reconstitute your curls, sear with the 2T oil, remove from pan, and set aside. Add EB to pan, melting, then adding flour to make your roux. Monitor and stir constantly until chocolate brown. Btw, I did this, but for some reason my taste tester said I could have cooked it longer and that it should have had tomatoes.

After roux has cooked, add the veggies, cooking 2-3 minutes. Add garlic, cook a couple of minutes. Add the stock, curls, brown sugar, hot sauce, and worc. Add bay leaves last and simmer for 30 minutes on low. This gives you plenty of time to retouch your roots and paint your nails. Serve over rice with additional hot sauce if desired.

MOFO Day #4 True Grub: Terry's Red Eye Gravy n' Grits

2011-10-04T05:00:00.001-04:00

Now you get to see several recipes unified in one delicious ceremony which I have nicknamed Merlotte's Red Plate Special. When you ask Sam to fry up some ham, Gram to bring her beans n' ham, and Terry who's mentally on the fritz to bring the gravy n' grits, well--that is something that Dr. Seuss can write a book about.
Just look at that, three awesome dishes gossiping in harmony.
Terry Bellefleur. Terry-Terry-Terry. I absolutely adore him. Did you know when this lovable cup of crazy isn't slingin' hash at the bar, he is writing his own Southern vegan cookbook and testing his recipes on Arlene? True story. I was talking with him this morning about Gilmore Girls re-runs over a giant plate of the aforementioned Merlotte's Red Plate Special. What a cutie pie.

Now back to reality. I'm sitting in front of the computer in my makeshift pajamas analytically toiling over how I'm supposed to convince you this is old skool red eye gravy. Sadly, it isn't--but don't run away, it IS GRAVY. Greasy, salty, and glorious gravy praise Jeebus. The signature moniker of red eye comes from pouring the coffee in the pork drippings to have your skillet look like a giant eyeball. Louisiana RE Gravy is usually made with roast beef and a chicory coffee. Seriously, who needs culinary school when you can just look stuff up on Wikipedia?

Since I'm BFF with Wilbur and Babe, I skipped the pork drippings by using this recipe. I'm sure it could be better, but I think it's pretty good, and you have to give yours Jewly some cred for having the chutzpah to create something she has never made or even tried. Boo-yah.

Terry's Red Eye Gravy n' Grits

You'll need:

A couple of big pieces of Sam's Shape Shifter Ham
2T AP flour
3/4 c. strong coffee-(preferably day old) I was in a pinch and prepared a cup of (ACK!) instant coffee.
1 c. of Sam's Shape Shifter ham puree*-(remember the floaty bits and left over stock from the recipe? Did you listen to me and keep it? Good. Now throw that in a blender until smooth.)
1 t chili powder
2T vegan butter
3T canola oil
1/2 t salt (or more) to taste
1/4 c. finely chopped onions
a few turns of fresh black pepper
A couple of portions of cooked grits

Melt that butter and saute those onions on medium heat, Don't let the crackling sound remind you of the war zone. Add the chili powder and canola oil, throwing the ham steaks in and fry the shit out of them. Once the ham is good n' crispy, take it out and put in a warm oven. Where in the hell is my coffee? Put that in the skillet, then add the ham puree. Add the 2T flour last. Don't think you can mix up the order of stuff--I'm watching you.

Pour the gravy over prepared grits and on top of your ham. Serve with Gram's Ham & Beans if you please.

MOFO Day #3 True Grub: Gram's Ham & Beans

2011-10-03T05:00:00.002-04:00

I miss both my Grammies. I didn't know either of them very well, so I have no idea whether or not they could cook. I think so. Sookie misses her Gram too. They never mentioned it on the show, but Gram is a vegan and her signature dish is ham n' beans. So listen up y'all, make ya some and don't give your heart to Eric.

Gram's Ham n' Beans- (goes excellent with the Veganomicon corn bread recipe!)

1T canola oil
1.5 c. frozen or fresh swiss chard, chopped-(really, any green will do)
1T Earth Balance
3/4 c. chopped onion
1 c. Sam's Shape Shifter Ham, chopped into little cubes
2.5 cups of cooked white beans-(I triple dog dare you to try this with butter beans!)
2 t. Louisiana Hot Sauce
dashes of black pepper
salt to taste

Heat your oil and saute the onion and greens. In a smaller skillet, melt the EB and cook the crap outta that ham, y'hear? Once the onions and greens are cooked, add the beans, hot sauce, and salt/pepper. Throw that ham in last, give it a couple turns, and serve immediately.

MOFO Day #2 True Grub: Sam's Shapeshifter Ham

2011-10-02T05:00:00.005-04:00

This second recipe is a must for True Grub: Sam's Shapeshifter Ham. I won't lie--texture wise it ain't ham. I think it is because I used a crock pot to cook it instead of a roasting pan in the oven, and I was warned by my PPK vegan sisters to not do that. I'm such a rebel. I did that for a reason, though. I wanted to make a wheat meat that could be used for multiple dishes. You'll want to use the leftover stock and floaty bits for another True Grub recipe or freeze as a soup base if you please. Hence the name of shape shifter.

Pigs everywhere thank you for letting them live out their dream of being a Jamaican bobsled team.

The way to serve this stuff up right is to slice as thin as you can and pan fry it a little until it's crispy. The flavor reminds me of a nice honey baked ham loafy thing my mom would buy at the supermarket. I was raised on a lot of loafy type meats. Loaf. Heh-heh.

This recipe is a mash up, a hybrid of sorts utilizing Bryanna Clark Grogan's* ham recipe and the recipe from Taymer Mason's* Carribean Vegan. I added some PITA Vegan flair, but I'll give all the credit to them for the inspiration. Thanks, ladies! I call this Shape Shifter Ham because a) ham rhymes with Sam b) this is super versatile and can be used in multiple dishes, just like Sam can be a super hot owner of a bar, a drunken asshole, a collie, a horse, or a hawk.

*I received permission from Bryanna to talk about her recipe and list ingredients from it. As of today, I have not heard from Taymer, but have credited both authors and highly suggest you support them by buying their books.

Sam's Shape Shifter Ham
A recipe mash up of Bryanna Clark Grogan, Taymer Mason, plus some PITA Vegan love!

Dry Ingredients:

1.5 c. vital wheat gluten
1/2 c. soy flour
2 t. onion powder
1 t. garlic powder
1/4 t. allspice
1/4 t. white pepper
1/4 t. ground cloves
a few turns of fresh black pepper
1 T instant tapioca

Wet Ingredients:

3T soy, tamari, or Bragg's
2T pure maple syrup or agave
1/2 c. favorite bacon bitz plus 1 c. hot water, set aside
2T bbq sauce
3/4 t liquid smoke
1T sesame oil
1c. water

Simmering Broth:

2c. veg broth, drained soy curl water, or used seitan stock
1c. super strong coffee-(here's where day old joe can work in your favor)

Mix your wet with dry in a food processor, except for the blended bacon bitz. Add the bacon bitz slurry last. Don't freak out: it WILL look like a giant wad of bubble gum. Let the magic happen! Under the power of the full moon, set that giant spongy orb in a crock pot with the broth and coffee. Set to high and check on it in about an hour. Flip it over in the broth carefully, but don't have a melt down if it falls apart a little--that's the beauty of being a shifter. Cook for another hour on high, flip again, and simmer on low for another hour. Did you know shifting could be so time consuming? It happens so fast on the show. Stupid television.

After the ham has cooked, very carefully extract the meaty thing from the crock pot and slice. It will be fluffy and loose, that's fine--the oven will dry and toughen it up. Bake on a greased cookie sheet at 350, flipping every 10 minutes or so until it has dried. You can use immediately in other True Grub recipes, or pan fry a little for a nice hot ham n' cheez sammie. If you're not going to use it immediately, that's cool-just put it in a container and stick it in the fridge. Use within a few days, or stick in the freezer. Take all that awesome broth and floaty bits and put in a container for later use: gravy, soup, or another batch of ham.

Mofo Day #1 True Grub: Renee's Dark Side Jambalaya

2011-10-01T05:00:00.003-04:00

Welcome to True Grub! That's right, I wanna chew good things with you.

When you came in, the eggs went out
And every taste bud filled up with doubt
I don't know who you think you are But before this meal is through
I wanna chew good things with you
I'm the kind to eat up lots of meat Gut sick and heart filled with defeat
I can't pronounce what you've cooked for me
But I know this much is true
I wanna chew good things with you

This year's theme was inspired by one of my favorite television shows, a cuisine I am completely unfamiliar with, and a little muse from Isa. I originally wanted it to be a collaborative effort with her because I'm nerdy like that, but I kept coming up with mostly my own recipes and figured I could do this alone. So exciting!

We'll spend the month looking at traditional Looziana Cookin', some gory things made vegan, and some dishes made with other people's recipes. I will only be posting my own recipes. If you want to get the recipes of other dishes, I encourage you to support these vegan chef badasses and buy their books.

For the first meal, I bring you...

Renee's Dark Side Jambalaya

I'm about as Yank as a Yankee can be, but that won't stop me from trying to cook traditional LA food. This version of jambalaya is Cajun because it lacks tomatoes. I read somewhere that the further one is from New Orleans, the less tomatoes there are in the food. I have no idea if that is true or not, but I scoped out several recipes on line and all Cajun ones lacked tomatoes.

If you're a fan of the show, you'll know in season one that Renee isn't really Cajun, he's just masquerading as one. This is some real food, but I cheated a little by cooking the rice in stock in advance and adding it to the dish at the end. All the books I have read instructs the individual to brown the meat, holy trinity of onions, bell pepper, and celery, and then put it in a pot with the rice and stock allowing everything to cook. Well, I don't have time for that. You might want to adjust the spices based on how much you can take, but I left it as-is so my daughter could eat it. I just topped it with some additional hot sauce.

You'll need:

A rice cooker
3 big handfulls of dry soy curls
1 t. powdered nori or some sort of seaweed for fishy flavor-(optional)
8 oz. white beans (cooked)
1 can of black beans (rinsed and drained)
1 big clove of garlic
The Holy Trinity: 50% onion, 25% celery, and 25% bell pepper. I used 1 c. of onion, and 1/2 c. of the celery and pepper
1.5 c rice of your choice, dry
1 veggie bouillon cube
2 bay leaves
1 t. vegan Worcestershire sauce
1T favorite hot sauce
1/4-1/2 t. cayenne pepper
1 t onion powder
olive oil for sauteing

First things first: soak those curls in some hot water with the nori and set aside.
Get your rice cooker started with 1.5 c. dry rice + 3 c. water+ bullion and bay leaves.
Take the chopped holy trinity and garlic and saute under medium heat in a stock pot. Once they are sweaty n' soft, grab your soy curls-(MAKE SURE YOU SQUEEZE ALL THE WATER OUT) and throw those in. Save the stock for a future recipe or something. Get 'em nice n' brown. Add the spices, Worcestershire, and hot sauce. Now add the beans. Your rice should be done by now. Throw that cooked rice in the mix and give it all a good stir. Keep stirring for a few minutes, cover, keep the temp on low. Serve with some fresh parsley and extra hot sauce if needed. Look over your shoulder to make sure there aren't any fakin' Cajun dudes behind you with an axe.

Are you ready for True Grub?

2011-09-30T18:50:00.008-04:00

Are you ready for this?

I'm an excited kind of gal myself. I don't recall a holiday that involved food or gifts where I didn't whine so bad that my parents caved and gave me a little treat before the big day. So that's what Momma Jen has for you: a little pre-MOFO celebration of sorts.

As you know this year's theme is True Grub: I Wanna Chew Good Things With You. I'm hopelessly in love with the premium cable show True Blood, adore Alan Ball, and am plowing my way through the actual books by Charlaine Harris. What's this show, you say? It's another television drama with vampires, except the cast is way hotter and there's tons of sex. And vampires. Did I mention there were vampires?

There's an entire thread dedicated to the show in the Living Room of The Post Punk Kitchen. Isa mentioned that someone should do a True Blood Blog. I took the muse and ran like Sam Merlotte himself when he's doing his post-shape shifter streaking thing.

Pray tell, what signature dish will don Miss Sookie's name? Did I get ballsy enough to make a Hunter's Pie? I dunno, but I did make a vegan goat tongue and giggled the whole time I made Alcide's Comeback Sauce.

And what noshling shall be named after King of the Bill? I don't want to give everything away, so you're going to have to tune in EVERY SINGLE DAY in OCTOBER for Vegan Mofo. Tell your friends about it too, so you can help me meet my 1 MILLION HIT GOAL by the end of the month. I'm giving the FoodBuzz money to two local charities.

And now, I'll leave you with a recipe I made about a month ago:

Lafayette's Red Velvet Brownie Bites

1/2 c EB OR 5 T of canola oil-(NOTE-I don't always have EB around the house. If you go this route, note they'll be a bit crunchier on the outside, but very soft n' chewy on the inside.)

1 1/2 c. beet sugar
1 t vanilla
2T flax seed meal+ 6T warm water, set aside
1 1/4 AP flour
1/4 t. salt
3T cocoa powder. The better the powder, the better the bite.
1 1/2 T red food coloring
1/2 c. melted chocolate chips

First things first, get some nice music going and put those chips on a double boiler. Take the vanilla, sugar, flax seed eggs, oil and mix. Mix in the food coloring. It will look very creepy.

Take your dry ingredients: flour, salt, and cocoa and sift. There's nothing worse than biting into something with cocoa lumps in it. Sift it! I'm watching you.

Preheat the oven for three fiddy, and get a mini cupcake pan out lined with papers. Mix the wet with the dry. Now add that melted chocolate. It will be super thick. Spray a measured tablespoon with canola oil and put measured T scoops in each mini muffin liner. Don't over fill! Set the timer for 10 minutes and check on them with a tooth pick. Set the timer for an additional 3-4 minutes, or until the toothpick comes out clean. Dollop the top with your favorite cream cheese icing. NOTE-don't freak out if they're a little hard on the outside, they're nice chewy, n' fudgy on the inside.

I have not tried this, but I double dog dare you to make the brownie bites Brujo Brownie Bites in honor of Lafayette's boyfriend, Jesus. To do this add 1/2 t cinnamon, 1/4 t cayenne pepper, and a pinch of clove powder. I know I'm doing this next time. I'm also going to play around and see if I can go old school and make red velvet without red food coloring.

Look, it's spaghetti.

2011-09-29T07:25:00.002-04:00

Ah, one of the cheapest meals to make no matter if your omni or vegan--spaghetti. Kind of unexciting, I know. Until I smell the garlic, onions, and peppers sauteing in the olive oil, and then I just start to feel classy. I add the tomato sauce and paste***magic wand flourish*** it's a nice filling dish, especially when paired with a green veggie.

Aside from my use of smart ground and spaghetti noodles, the sauce was made from scratch. Tomatoes from my garden were cooked down into paste and sauce. Basil-(garden), garlic, onions, peppers-(garden) joined the free-for-all in my stock pot. Yes it took some time, but there was some satisfaction in eating something I made from stuff I grew all by mahself.

I normally don't use commercial vegan crumbles. When they're on sale, I do use them just because it's easy and I have lazy tendencies like everyone else. The crumbles could have easily been subbed with some cooked white beans or lentils, or better yet-- plain veggies are awesome. No shame in simplicity.

The Parmesan? It's super simple, really. No, really--you don't have to spend $7 on a friggin' container of sprinkle cheese substitute. Eat something real! I use 1/3 c. nutritional yeast, 1/2 t. garlic powder, 1/4 c oat flour, 1/2 t. salt, and some oregano. Mix it together and you have vegan parm. Store that in a tupperware container and use it for other stuff. That makes pesto siiiiiing.

Vegan S'mores, Texas style

2011-09-27T20:56:00.006-04:00

This bright idea was brought to you by Molly Jade of The Lone Star Plate. She's so smart. S'mores made with Biscoff cookies. Screw those store bought graham crackers made with honey, you want to do your sugar buzz right. So get your favorite chocolate chips, a couple of Dandies vegan marshmallows, and two Biscoff cookies. Wrap that party in some foil and stick in the toaster oven for a few minutes. Gooey gooey goodness. I ate the finished product before I realized I had forgotten to take a photo.

MOFO countdown. I'm ready. Just had the Jason Stackhouse Po'Boy tonight, and it was the stuff of legends.

Pittsburgh Steak Sandwich

2011-09-26T07:03:00.003-04:00

I figured it was a few days since I talked about Celine and Tami's sandwich cookbook. You'd think we were all dating, but we're all married--boo. T & C sure are dreamy, though. ((swoon))

This here is called the Pittsburgh Steak Sandwich and while it looks like a big ol' burger with some guac, it is not. It is a ginormous mouthful of marinated seitanic goodness on a cibatta roll with traditional burger toppings. Just look at that seitan. Have you ever seen anything so pretty? Ring-ring, who is it? It's Elsie the Cow thanking you profusely for saving her life.

I suggested this be named the Allegheny County Belly Buster, because you really need to learn your PA counties, and this sandwich does stress the stomach a little, so you can eat this sandwich alone and be just fine. No fries needed.

MOFO is just days away--can you feel the excitement in the air? Get the word out about my million hit goal! I've created a tab for it at the top of the page. Thanks for being the best followers in the world.

After all, it's what is on the inside that counts.

2011-09-23T21:18:00.004-04:00

Regular ol' chocolate cake with some ganache, right? WRONG! Gluten free, delicious, moist, and...
full of yummy vanilla filling. I couldn't wait for it to cool. I ate it immediately. A friend of mine told me these were so good she almost creamed herself.

For the record, I don't have a gluten intolerance or anything, I just like to try my hand at GF baking because many of my peeps live GF and I wanna show off for them. These noshables were spectacular. Imagine a warm oreo fresh out of the oven that melts in your mouth and spikes ye olde blood sugar. Uh-huh.

Food Blogger Friday, I haven't forgotten about this! The xgfx.org blog is where I snagged the recipe for those cupcakes, but you've heard about that blog, haven't you? I thought so. You're cool like that. Well, kids--how about these?

Vegan Explosion- How can one ignore a blog with a title like that? I came across this one looking for a vegan tortilla recipe. Since I don't have a tortilla press, mine looked more like chapatis, but they were mega-Streisand awesome.

Happy. Healthy. Life- More food photography to covet. She's smart. Lots of DIY stuff. Rad.

Desperate Nachos

2011-09-22T14:53:00.004-04:00

Quick! I need nachos, like yesterday. This photo is awful by food porn standards, and most of my food photography is pretty lame, and I'll own it like Mike Tyson owns a tiger in The Hangover. No need to tease me.

A few weeks ago I couldn't stop thinking about nachos, but there weren't any chips in the house--just some chip shrapnel in a bag bordering on stale. I made them and ate them anyway. I call this meal Desperate Nachos. I put everything I possibly could on the pile of tortilla chip dust: daiya, leftover chili, avocado slices, and some of my signature ass of fire salsa. As I was scarfing it all down, I was reminded about one of my favorite literary pieces, Nachos from the Edge by Laurie Weeks. She recalls the time she made nachos from a postcard when there wasn't anything else to eat in her house but a block of cheese. Good times!

I'm so sad salsa season is about over, btw. I'm gonna live on the edge and attempt to take a cutting from one of my cherry tomato plants and keep it alive during the winter.

Tell me about your favorite Desperate Meal.